


Don't Give Up the Ship

by Rini, Saklani



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-24
Updated: 2012-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-31 17:05:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 66,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/346443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rini/pseuds/Rini, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saklani/pseuds/Saklani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeoman Padalecki is the newest member of the USS Bowfin, a submarine commanded by the young Captain Jensen Ackles. They run dangerous missions in the Pacific during World War II and face death at every turn. And as they get to know each other better, their relationship changes in a fundamental way that could end their careers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Give Up the Ship

Yeoman Jared Padalecki sat in his tiny office aboard the USS Bowfin and stretched his legs as best he could to fit the cramped space. He wondered again at the wisdom of deciding to serve aboard a submarine. And then he noticed a shadow on the opposite wall and nearly wrenched his back and banged his head turning around. "Captain Ackles." 

"Yeoman Padalecki," Jensen said, standing with his hands clasped behind his back. "How are you settling in?"

Jared stood up quickly and just barely avoided the ceiling. "Very well, Sir. Thank you, Sir."

"I know there's not much room in there," Jensen said, looking up at Jared with a smirk. "But I trust you'll figure a way to squeeze yourself in there every day. Have you been given a full tour and your duty hours?"

"Yes, Sir," Jared said with flash of dimples. "Lieutenant Miller showed me around the submarine and went over my duties." He just refrained from ducking his head to hide behind bangs that were no longer present, reminding himself that he was in the navy now. "Thank you, Sir." 

"Of course," Jensen said, shifting his stance only to clasp his hands in front of him. "I'll need to see you twice or three times daily to start, but once you've settled into the routine on the sub, you'll have a bit more freedom."

Jared fought back a smile, but knew his mouth tilted up slightly. "Pardon me, Sir, but there's only so much freedom for a guy who's six foot four in his bare feet on a sub, Sir."

Jensen snickered, rubbing his hand over his mouth before chuckling outright. "True enough. I'm over six myself and it can get a bit cramped... especially in this room." He knocked his hand on the outside wall of Jared's little office.

Grateful for the signs that Captain Ackles was not strict, but in fact, closer to being 'one of the men,' Jared smiled more freely and said, "Yes, Sir, it's a bit of a trial getting my legs to fit." He glanced at the Underwood typewriter balanced in a nook in the wall. "I look forward to working with you, though, Sir."

"We're glad to have you aboard, Yeoman. Don't be shy about asking any questions. The more you know, the faster you'll be able to care for this lot of boys." Jensen smiled at Jared again and then rapped lightly on the doorframe. "Get yourself a bit more settled in and then come find me for the first report."

"Thank you, Sir," Jared said with his beaming smile. "I shall be ready to meet by 1400 hours, if that is acceptable, Sir."

"Perfectly," Jensen said, smiling again before turning and starting his first walk through of the day.  
~~~~~~~~~~

At 1400 hours, Jared presented himself at the Captain's small stateroom and wiggled the curtain to inform Captain Ackles of his presence. "Permission to come in, Sir."

Jensen opened his eyes and stifled a groan. He knew he'd only have a minute before the Yeoman presented himself, but sometimes Jensen wished he could escape. Pushing himself to a seated position, Jensen finally stood and called, "Permission granted."

Jared stepped inside and saluted his Captain smartly. "Yeoman Padalecki reporting for our meeting, Sir." He held his notebook and pencil in one hand and smiled at Captain Ackles brightly.

"Sit down, Yeoman," Jensen said, gesturing to the chair before sitting on the edge of his bunk again. "You'll need the desk, but first tell me what you've learned today."

Jared opened his mouth and then closed it again. "Everything, Sir?" he asked. "Official and unofficial?"  
Jensen laughed. "Please," he said, keen to see how observant their new Yeoman was.

Jared rubbed a hand through his short hair and then straightened to his full height in the chair. "Officially, Sir, we have a surplus of most of our food stuffs, with a potential deficit of flour and condensed milk and a large overstock of canned spinach. We have the regulated amount of all armaments, although two of the torpedoes are not, strictly speaking, in the best condition. However, they are considered functional and best used for an emergency situation. There are 73 men aboard the USS Bowfin, which is serving her third tour in the Pacific, 60 of whom are crew, while the rest are officers. You are on your second tour and the men think the world of you. They are a mix of new and old crew, with over 30 men having already served with you. The cook is the longest naval man aboard, since he's been in the service since just before the Depression." Jared paused and peeked at Jensen for approval to continue. 

Impressed but not showing it just yet, Jensen nodded and smiled encouragingly at Jared. He'd definitely taken a thorough look through at the ship and the men in order to have even that much information.

"I expect to receive an average of fifty messages from and for the crew on a daily basis, based on the number of crew and our current mission as I understand it. Since leaving port, I have already transcribed fifteen official and ten unofficial messages for the crew. Including one official and one unofficial for you, Sir." Jared handed them over with a small smile. "Based on my interactions with the crew so far, I anticipate no real personnel problems, although Seaman Reynolds is not necessarily the right man for the job in the Pump Room. Not that he will not serve well or complain, but because his experience indicates a higher level of function than the manual labor currently assigned him." Jared bit his lip, knowing he may have overstepped with his last assessment, but wanting to test the waters with Captain Ackles of permitted topics.

Jensen gave some thought to what Jared had to say, nodding finally. "I agree with your assessment pretty clear across the board. Reynolds is good at what he does, but keep an eye on him, and we'll talk more about what he can and cannot do once we’ve assessed him further." He nodded his thanks over the letters in his hand. "You'll be on the daytime duty rotation to coordinate with my schedule. The only night rotations you do will be the ones I do every sixty days. Now, since we're going to be working together for the next while, tell me a little bit about Yeoman Padalecki."

Jared felt himself blush slightly. "There's not a lot to tell, Sir. I'm from Texas. A middle child. My older brother is a pilot, and my little sister is working in a ship factory and going to school, too. Uh. I always thought I'd be a Marine, but somehow, I got into the Navy instead. And I never imagined I'd end up on a submarine. I mean, look at me! Uh, Sir." 

Eyes widening, Jensen arched one brow at Jared. "A middle son from Texas... seems we have a lot in common. Never thought I'd end up on a sub either, but I far preferred the Navy to the other branches." He bit his lower lip quickly. "When we're in here talking about non-official stuff, feel free to relax, Padalecki. Most of the men who know me realize that I do not stand on ceremony."

Jared ducked his head. "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. I'll try to be more relaxed, Sir." He dimpled apologetically. "This is my first post, Sir, as you must know. I don't want to mess up."

"Well, just keep it official in official capacity." Jensen returned Jared's smile, eyes sparkling with his teasing. "Did you learn anything else of note?"

Jared nodded at Jensen, mouth lifting in a return smile. "I've discovered that I think I'm going to enjoy working with the Captain, Sir. Whatever he needs from me."

Jensen chuckled. "Be careful what you say... I may hold you to it." He stood up, stretching slightly. "Okay, back to your post until end of shift, please, and then enjoy your evening as much as you can."

Jared stood and saluted Jensen. "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. I'll have my final report for the day at 1700 hours, unless you have more for me to do, Sir."

"Not a thing, Yeoman," Jensen saluted back and then waited until Jared closed him in his cabin to fall back on the bed with a soft groan. He was exhausted, but glad to have someone who seemed as competent as Padalecki in that position again.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Life on a submarine was boring off duty. There was little to do and even less room to do it in. The men listened to the radio (when they were at periscope depth), read, played cards, wrote letters and talked to each other about everything. Keeping secrets was next to impossible, so Jared, who people talked to a lot anyway, soon found himself in possession of knowledge about his fellows that he couldn't share with anyone. His job taking down and delivering messages and news for his crewmates told him even more about them. Including his Captain.

Shaking the fabric on the outside of Captain Ackles' quarters, Jared said, "Sir. Message for you."

"Come in," Jensen called, looking up from his position at his desk. He was pouring over the messages that Jared had brought earlier, plus the plans he'd known were in place before they'd left the dock.

Jared entered and handed Jensen his official and private letters. "Sir, you'll see in the official notices that Seaman First Class Johnson's brother was killed last week. I know he'll be devastated, Sir, as he talks about his brother all the time."

Jensen scrubbed a hand over his eyes, pinching at the bridge of his nose. Telling his men of their losses was one duty that he hated. "Thank you for warning me." Jensen scanned all of the official messages, glanced at the ‘from’ name on his personal message and tossed it aside. "I'll talk to Johnson. Do you know what rotation he's on?"

Jared had scanned the duty roster before coming to see Captain Ackles. "Right after this one, Sir." He knew the captain would see if someone could fill in for Johnson, if he needed some time. "They're expecting us at Midway in a few days. We're running a little low on bread, so it's a good time to restock." 

"Okay, we'll give him the night off. Please ask Smith to fill in for him on the next shift, and we'll move Johnson to the morning." Jensen was worried about Johnson, more than he'd tell Jared. Johnson's brother was all he had left after losing his mother earlier in the year. "Give me a full inventory from the kitchen when we're still a day out and then we'll see what you and the cook should order up for supplies." 

"Yes, Sir," Jared said and glanced at the private message for Jensen. "I'll have about a hundred letters for the guys in Midway to send back for us by the time we get there." 

Jensen laughed. "Yeah, that's usually the case... you're likely going to need an afternoon for all of that." Noting Jared's gaze, Jensen fingered the edge of his personal letter. He didn't really want to read what Edna was up to while he was thousands of miles from home and powerless to affect the outcome.

Jared looked back at Captain Ackles, embarrassed at having been caught looking at his message. He ducked his head a little and said, "It's an honor to be trusted with so much information about the men... and you, Sir."

"You've earned the trust tenfold, Padalecki." Jensen offered a smile. If he hadn't been comfortable with Jared at that desk, it'd have made for a dreadful tour of duty.

Jared beamed back, spine going straight with pride. "That means everything to me, Sir. It's been an honor to work with you so far."

Jensen grinned. "Let's hope it stays that way. Are you settling in well? Getting along with everyone?" He couldn't imagine that anyone could spend time with Jared and not get along with him, but he also knew that things could explode internally on a sub in short order.

"Except for not learning yet how to get through the doorways without banging some part of my anatomy, yes, Sir." Jared dimpled a little at his own clumsiness.

The comment made Jensen laugh and he shook his head slightly. "If you can do it before our second stop, then you'll have beat me at it. I spent a good long time sporting mysterious bruises when I first served on a sub."

"They'll be instituting height restrictions just based on my accidents, Sir," Jared confessed sheepishly. "Which reminds me... doc's report says everyone is in ship-shape, with the exception of a certain person, who shall be nameless... who is still suffering from heartburn caused by drinking too much coffee." 

Jensen blushed, unable to help himself. He grinned at Jared and shook his head. "Not much I can do about that, Padalecki. Mornings are not my friend, but definitely my responsibility."

A warmth filled Jared's stomach as Jensen blushed. He smiled and said, "Yes, Sir. Doc recommends eating a bit more to counteract the acid, Sir."

Arching an eyebrow, Jensen finally nodded. "I suppose I could at that." He smiled again. "Glad to see you're fitting right in."

"Oh, yes, sorry, Sir. I get along with most folks, Sir. Never a shortage of chatter from me. Makes people feel at ease mostways, Sir. And they are fine men aboard this sub, yes, Sir." Jared ducked his head, ashamed that he had missed answering Jensen's question from before and had to be reminded.

"Relax with the Sirs, Jared. It's not an issue." Jensen smiled at him again. "In here you can be a bit less formal, remember?" 

Jared nodded and smiled at Jensen. "Yes, Sir. Thank you. I just don't want to stumble at the wrong time... say the wrong thing.”

Jensen nodded. "I understand that, but I try to have a more relaxed sub when we're not in the thick of things."

Jared vibrated a little at the idea of the thick of things. After leaving Midway, they would be entering the first serious part of the tour, where they might encounter enemy ships. "Thank you, Captain Ackles. I'll try to remember. Do you need anything more from me before I go off shift?"

"Nope, well maybe..." Jensen trailed off with a smile.

Jared tilted his head and said, "Anything you need, Sir."

Jensen chuckled. "Come back at twenty hundred hours for a game of cards." He waited to see how Jared would respond, his finger idly shoving Edna's letter away from him.

"Oh. Yes. Yes, Sir." Jared beamed and flushed at the same time. "I'd be delighted, Sir. Just us?"

"Yeah, I wanna see how good you are." Jensen smiled, letting Jared know he could say no if he wanted the time off.

"Oh. I'm terrible, Sir," Jared said with a little smile. "I have no luck with cards."

Jensen laughed. "Well, then I can win your shore leave money," he teased.

Jared flushed and shook his head, missing the long hair that used to flop everywhere. "No, Sir. We can play for anything else."

With another laugh, Jensen shook his head. "No stakes; I just like to play cards with my men."

Jared laughed a little, too. "Well, maybe we should stick with Go Fish or something... Old Maid?"

"Anything you like," Jensen said. "I'll see you at twenty hundred then?"

"I look forward to it, Sir. And thank you." Jared paused before exiting, deciding to push just a little more. "I nearly forgot, Sir. There's a petition to change the name of the submarine."

Jensen blinked at Jared, more than a bit surprised at the change in topic. "To what, may I ask?"

Jared ducked his head a second and then lifted it again. "The USS Bowlegs, Sir." He tried to keep his face straight.

"Bowlegs, huh?" Jensen couldn’t help but snicker, finally composed himself enough to add, "Please tell the men that I'm taking a few hours unless we have something crucial happen."

Jared grinned as Jensen laughed and felt himself relax completely. "Yes, Sir. Want me to bring your dinner?"

"Please," Jensen said, smiling at Jared and then turning back to his desk. "An extra large milk."

"You do know that stuff is condensed, right? It's not real milk, Sir." Jared made a face.

Jensen laughed. "Yeah, but sometimes I like it."

"Really? All that coffee must have blasted out your taste buds... Sir." 

"Well, yes... that's never been in doubt." Jensen smiled over his shoulder at Jared. "Enjoy your time off, Padalecki, and I'll see you in a few hours."

Knowing he was officially dismissed, Jared nodded and said, "Thank you, Sir. I'll bring your dinner as soon as cook lets me know it's ready."

Jensen nodded, his head and fingered the edge of Edna's letter before drawing it toward himself. He wasn't looking forward to looking it over, but Jensen knew it was best to get it over with. "Thank you," he added to Jared.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared stretched tall with a contented sigh, gloriously exulting in the freedom to do so. Their stop on Midway would be a brief day to restock and refuel, but Jared intended to take advantage of every free minute of uncramped time. He turned to see if any of his shipmates were outside on this fog free day and spotted Captain Ackles strolling alone. With only a slight hesitation, he headed toward him. "May I join you, Sir?"

"Of course," Jensen said, smiling at Jared. "Though I'd rather thought you'd be with the other guys... glad to get away from officers for a bit."

Jared fell easily into step with Jensen and smiled at him. "You're not exactly hard to be around, Sir. Not a hardass or anything. Not like the head of the outfit of Marines on this island." He blazed a grin at Jensen, sure he had heard the same tales about the man in charge of Midway.

Jensen snorted. He'd had to deal with Jefferson more times than he cared for. "Yeah, well there's nothing doing for being a hardass underwater... nowhere to go and no way to get around it. Right?"

"Right, Sir," Jared said and then inhaled deeply of the fresh air. "I must admit, Sir, as much as I'm glad for my current post, it's nice to be out of the cramped quarters for a bit."

"We all crave the ability to stand fully upright and stretch our muscles after so long at sea. And since we're heading out into enemy waters from here, it might be a good bit of time before we surface again. Enjoy what time you have up here, Padalecki."

"Smell the flowers, Sir?" Jared asked with a soft smile. "I understand. I deliver too much bad news to other people not to understand. Are you enjoying your time here?"

"Smell the flowers, take a pretty girl out, smoke, drink... anything that you wouldn't want to miss out on before you get back on the boat," Jensen replied, serious as he'd ever been with Jared. "I am, though being the captain generally means enjoying it on my own."

"There's a bit of a dearth of pretty girls on the island, Sir. Just the nurses, and they've gotten a dozen beaus each. And I'm not much for drinking, and I don't smoke... so, I guess I best just enjoy an afternoon stroll, even if it is with my Captain." Jared tipped him a wink.

Jensen nodded. "Just be sure that whatever you're doing, it's what you want." He shrugged, blushing slightly at his own sentimentality.

"Are you doing what you want, Sir?" Jared asked and then ducked his head. "I shouldn’t have intruded on your downtime. I'm sorry, Sir."

"I am, and if I hadn't wanted your company, I'd have said so." Jensen leaned in and bumped Jared's shoulder. "Do me a favor?"

Warming at the friendly touch, Jared said, "Anything for you, Sir."

Jensen smiled, fighting off a blush at Jared's words. "Please call me Jensen... here, on our break."

"Jensen," Jared said, testing the name on his tongue. "Jensen... I'll try to remember, Si- Jensen, but it may be a bit difficult. I respect you an awful lot, if you'll forgive me for saying so directly."

"That's compliment, and nothing that needs forgiveness. How old are you, Padalecki?" Jensen smiled, wanting to use his first name, but not wanting to be too familiar.

"Please, Si- Jensen, call me Jared... or Jay, if you prefer." Jared smiled shyly at his commanding officer. "I'm 21, just graduated from college. I know it’s unusual, but my parents wanted nothing more than for me to be a graduate.”

Jensen smiled. "Jay suits you. Fresh out of college and then locked in a submarine." He shook his head at the irony of it.

"I wanted to sign up before graduating, but my family wouldn’t hear of it. And I didn't get drafted before finishing, so it worked out." Jared looked away into the distance. "My brother, Jeff, is in Europe somewhere. My mama worries everyday about him."

"And now she's worrying about you, too." Jensen smiled softly, knowing that Jared had seen the messages from his own family. "It's good you waited in order to come in as an officer of any level... it's a better service that way."

"Yes, I know, though a Yeoman was not initially what I had in mind. But I'm always organizing things and talking to people, so the Navy thought it best fit my skills." Jared smiled at Jensen. "Not that I think I could be a Captain or anything, especially not as young as you've done it... Sir."

"Jensen," he prompted. "Thank you. I kinda got pushed into it on one tour when our captain died mid-tour, and I was the next in command. I don't think they thought I'd ever have the shot to lead, but they found that I could do a half decent job of it." Jensen shrugged, smiling slightly. 

"An excellent job," Jared corrected him. "And obviously, the Navy thinks so, too, since they made you Captain of one of their brand new subs. It's hard to live up to someone like you, Jensen."

Jensen blushed brightly. "There's no need to 'live up' to me. Just be the best you are and that will get you far. You're an amazing guy, Padalecki. You came into a fairly cohesive group, earned their trust and have settled into being their friend and confidante. That's no small feat."

Jared matched Jensen's blush and said, "Thank you, Sir. I've worked hard to be everyone's friend. There's a lot going on in the world right now. Too much to let anything petty get in the way of doing a good job."

"It's unfortunate that not more of the men realize that." Jensen smiled at Jared and bumped his shoulder again. "Tell me more about yourself, your family."

Jared shook his head and said, "There's not much more to tell. My family still lives in Texas. Megan works in a war plant and is putting herself through school. I don't know how she does both."

Jensen smiled. "Possibly like Mackenzie -my sister- who says that you do what you have to do."

"Women are pretty incredible," Jared said. "My mother is running the recycling program at home. You should see **her** getting stuff organized."

"They really are incredible. To hear my mother tell it, they're singlehandedly running the country while we're out here." Jensen shook his head slightly in amusement and admiration for the women in his life.

"They are... only I think that if they ran the world, we wouldn't be in this mess. Women would never waste their time uselessly killing people." Jared blushed a little and ducked his head. 

Jensen snorted. "So my mother loves to tell me." Jensen glanced around before leaning closer to Jared. "I agree with you and her."

Jared laughed and shook his head, feeling close to Jensen. "But here we are..." 

"Trying to make the world safe." Jensen straightened up and stretched lightly. "Tell me what you dreamt about doing before the war."

"Oh... I wanted to be an actor," Jared said. "I love Gable and Flynn, but always thought I'd be better at comedy, like Hope. I'm a bit clumsy... you may have noticed and have a talent for making people laugh."

Jensen chuckled. "You definitely have a knack for making people laugh. It's a great talent to have."

"But I don't think an acting life's going to be for me... if I make it through the war," Jared said and then faltered. “I mean, when. Right? When."

"When," Jensen responded, smile slipping to something serious. "I plan on getting each and every one of us back safely, Jared. You have my word on that."

"I know, Jensen. Whatever happens, you'll never steer us wrong." Jared bumped him gently. "I didn't mean to get all serious. I just meant... I don't know... acting doesn't seem important enough anymore." 

Jensen nodded. "When the war's over, you might find that acting is just what you need to put this whole experience behind you."

"God, we've just begun. I'm taking things one day at a time. And trying to do my best for my crewmates... and you. Especially you, Si- Jensen." 

"You're doing a great job, Padalecki. Be assured of that. Everyone has a good word about you."

Jared blushed and stood as tall as possible. "You are the best to work for, Jensen. Will you, I mean, would you, I mean... can you tell me about you?"

Jensen blushed and ducked his head. "I just try to lead as I would like to be led." He cleared his throat slightly. "There's not much to tell in my story either, Padalecki. I wanted to be a physiotherapist... to work with injured children mostly, but before I could even start school, I felt I had to do this."

"That's a wonderful job, Jensen. I can see you working with children. After the war, you should continue that pursuit." Jared found himself wanting to touch the warm red of Jensen's cheeks and swallowed hard. "Plan to get married and have kids?"

"Not likely now that Edna's decided to marry a doctor back home." Jensen blushed even harder, knowing that Jared would have seen her last letter to him. He'd been powerless to do anything, stuck out in the sub they way they were.

"I know," Jared said and reached out to put a gentle hand on Jensen's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Jensen. I know she must not know what she's giving up." He cleared his throat and continued, "But when this is all over, you'll meet someone else."

Jensen shrugged. "Can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything. I'm always free to hear anything you need to say," Jared said. 

"I didn't love Edna... I'm actually relieved that she chose someone else." Jensen ducked his head, feeling the worst kind of man for admitting that.

"Oh." Jared laughed and threw his hands in the air. "Then why are we gloomy!? We should celebrate your freedom. And you didn't even have to do anything!"

Jensen chuckled, lifting his head. "You don’t think me a cad for keeping her attached to me?"

"Well, you might want to avoid doing that in the future," Jared said, dimpling at Jensen. 

"I might want to avoid doing that." Jensen snorted with laughter, body shaking with it.

Jared laughed with him, the warmth in his stomach spreading the to rest of him. "I'm sure there will be plenty of beautiful girls on our shore leaves to mend your not so broken heart."

Jensen shook his head. "I haven't done that before nor do I intend to start." He sighed quietly. "I do not think I am cut out for marriage and babies, Jared."

"Really? I would have thought you'd be a natural at it. If you don't mind me saying so." Jared smiled at Jensen encouragingly.

"Thank you, but I cannot find the urge in me to settle down and do that." Jensen looked embarrassed at his admission. "I think I shall likely remain a bachelor."

"I've never had a girl," Jared said. "I think I'm bound for bachelorhood, too."

"You are still young and shall return a war hero," Jensen said. "I cannot imagine you shall be without a young lady of your own."

"No more so than you, Sir. And you'll be much the greater hero. Captain of a ship and all. I just take notes and keep track of stuff. I'm like your secretary, only with a fancier title."

Jensen chuckled. "Let's agree that we are both just bound for bachelorhood, then."

Jared held out his hand to Jensen. "I do so solemnly swear, Sir."

"Jensen," Jensen reprimanded him.

"Well, for such an oath, I thought deference might be best, Jensen," Jared said, hand still outstretched.

Jensen smiled and took Jared's hand in his. "Not when we are merely two friends speaking of their lives."

"But this is such an important decision. I wanted to give it due gravity," Jared said, all dimples and bright eyes.

Laughing again, Jensen shook his head. "There is too much gravity. And no one onboard is truly my friend."

Jared took a step back and dropped his hand. "Oh. I- am I being forward?"

"Oh no." Jensen reached out for Jared, a slight frown on his face. "I meant before you... no one ever reached out to be a friend to me... their captain."

"Oh. Not even some of the other officers?" Jared asked, frowning, too. "They seem to be your friends."

Jensen shook his head. "As much as one can be, I guess, but not truly."

"Then I'm honored to be your first, Jensen," Jared said. "And thank you, for not being merely my captain. I'm not sure what regulations would say about our friendship, but I promise never to let it get in the way of my duties."

"Thank you for being my friend, Padalecki." Jensen shook Jared's hand tightly. "I trust you to separate work from our friendship, though I shall look forward to being your friend."

"I'll try to get you some extra coffee even though it's bad for you," Jared said. "I was gonna do that anyway."

Jensen flushed. "Thank you," he was continually amazed at Jared's thoughtfulness.

"My job, Jensen," Jared said. "Hey, I hear they have some actual food in the Marine's camp. Want me to see if I can get us some?"

"That'd be great. Let's head back and see if we can get a decent meal before we have to get back onto the sub."   
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared sat at his desk, revising the latest numbers of spare parts when the yellow alarm sounded. Enemy ships sighted ahead. He frantically put everything in order and out of the way. His hands shook, so the papers rattled when he tried to put them in their file drawers. He had only one duty during an attack- stay out of the way. 

"Convoy 180 degrees south, Captain. I see four ships... no sign of an escort at this point." First Mate Christian Kane pulled away from the periscope to look at his Captain. "Shall we flood tubes one to four, Sir?" 

"Flood them," Jensen responded, taking the to search for their escort. It was unheard of for a supply fleet to be this far out without one. "New course 180," he called out. "Marks, anything on the sonar?"

"Just the supply ships, Sir," Marks, their sonar expert, said. "I'm trying to sound by them for any other ships in the area, but nothing yet."

"Their escorts have to be out here, Sir," Chris said to Jensen. "There's not a chance they left without them... We'll need to keep a weather eye for planes.”

Jensen grumbled under his breath. "Smith, you have anything on the radars?" He turned to Chris, ready to respond once he had an update on the radar information.

"We have distance and bearing for the closest ships, Captain," Smith said in his no nonsense voice. "We're ready to target, once you give the word."

"Kane, keep your eyes on the ships and the sky... I want to know the second any of you have a hint of where the escort might be." Jensen went back to his own periscope, turning and sweeping the horizon.

Chris called, “I'm going atop to keep an eye out for planes and the rest of their escort." 

"Report back immediately if you see anything! Damn it, where is the escort?" Jensen muttered. "Aim on the lead ship. We'll fire as soon as we lock on."

"Yes, Sir," came a chorus of about four voices. 

Chris moved to the hatch and shot a grin back at Jensen. "Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky?" he said.

Jensen chuckled harshly. "I don't count on luck, Kane, and you know it." 

Chris unscrewed the hatch and practically launched himself up the ladder, pulling out his binoculars as he hit the deck. "No change in the course of the ships, Sir!" he called down. "The dark is obscuring us pretty well. Thank God there's no moon!"

Gladly thanking God for the lack of light, Jensen continued to scan the horizon for the escort ships. "Where are you?" he muttered again.

Chris sited the targets through his binoculars. "Still no sign of escort!" he called down. 

"Targets in range. Permission to begin firing, Sir," Smith said. 

"Permission granted." Jensen prayed like never before that the escorts truly weren't there, and they'd get out of this one with an easy fight.

"First target," Smith called. "Tracking left at 178 degrees. Fire one."

Jared felt the submarine shudder as the first torpedo was launched. He thought of Jensen, up in the conning tower, directing the fight. He shivered a little and clung to his bedding.

Jensen held tight to his position, turning to watch the waters yet again. "Ready two," he called out.

"Second target acquired," Smith called. "Fire two." 

Chris yelled suddenly from the deck, "Planes. Two! Bearing down. Five minutes out!"

"Kane, get your ass inside. Control, prepare to dive on Kane's go." Jensen turned the periscope before lowering it back down to prepare for their dive.

Chris dove down the ladder, slamming the batch behind him, even as the sub rocked under a strafing of machine gun fire. "Dive, you sons of bitches! Dive!"

Jensen grabbed hold of the nearest surface, watching as Kane landed back in the room. "Get us down boys, fast as you can!"

The dive alarm sounded, and the submarine shook with the force of more bullets and the pounding of the water as they crashed back into the sea. Jensen heard several people cry out. The lights flickered ominously, but then stayed on, even as the submarine creaked with the force of the water.

"Suggest changing course to throw off continued fire," Chris said, taking his spot by Jensen's side again.

"What direction were they flying in from?" Jensen asked, knowing Chris had a better idea. "I want to head forty-five degrees off that."

"I'd head 202.5 south-southwest of our current course, Sir," Chris said, wiping spray from his face. He looked up as the water around them rocked with more fire. "They've still got a good bearing on us."

"Make it 205 degrees south-southwest and then increase speed. We'll see what comes once we're further down," Jensen called to the Maneuvering Room.

Chris braced himself as the submarine turned slowly, the sounds of machine gun fire hitting the water fading behind them. He glanced at the target computer operator and said, "Time on torpedoes?"

"First impact in twenty seconds, Sir," Smith said.

"Twenty seconds," Jensen grinned at Christian, knowing that they'd be a long twenty seconds. They'd done a good job so far on that run and he was hoping to be able to circle around. "Interesting that they had an air escort but no water escort."

"Oh, they're out there somewhere," Chris muttered. "Let's just hope we escape their notice."

"Impact in five, four, three, two, ONE!" Smith called, and they heard, echoing ghastly through the water, the sound of a torpedo smashing into a hull. "Second torpedo in thirty seconds!"

"Carlson?" Jensen called down, moving to the opening to the control room. "Carlson, update on the damage. Smith, keep tracking the torpedo."

The Chief Engineer, Steve Carlson, came into view below Jensen. "We've got about ten patches being made to the hull, Sir. I think she tore up the top pretty good, but we won't be able to tell until we can surface again. Minor damage to engine number three, but we can get by on the other engines until I have a chance to put her back together. Overall, we came out lucky, Sir.” 

“Second torpedo’s impact in ten seconds,” Smith called. “Impact in five, four, three, two, ONE!" Everyone strained to hear an impact and then there was a screech and whining of metal. “Direct hit, Sir.”

Jensen allowed himself a smile and a nod at Smith, before calling down, “Are there any injuries?”

"No reported injuries or casualties, either, Sir," Third Mate LaGrange said. "Some of the newbies are kinda shook up, though. Yeoman Padalecki is helping Medic Anderson with Seaman Lewis. He got a bit sick, Sir."

Jensen made a mental note to check on both Lewis and Padalecki when they had a moment to breathe. "Carlson, we'll surface tomorrow, provided we can be certain there aren't any ships in the area. Don't need to be giving away our position again, now do we?" He grinned at his Engineer, familiarity from working another tour together making him a bit more relaxed. 

"Sonar contacts fading, Sir," Marks said. "We're leaving behind the convoy for the moment."

"Best continue that," Chris said. "Their escort will be hunting for us. We may not be able to surface until late night tomorrow."

La Grange called up, "Shall I signal all clear, Captain? Rosenbaum can get the men settled with some warm lunch. Anderson and Padalecki have everything under control."

"Sounds good to me, men. As usual, you have it all under control." Jensen grinned at Kane, shaking his head slightly. "Let's get below and find out where we're needed before it's time to write up the reports." He headed down into the control room.

"Two shots fired and two ships sunk," Chris said easily, following him down. "Our record just keeps getting better, Sir. You don't watch out, they'll make you the youngest admiral ever."

Jensen mock-shuddered. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want that honor, but the thought of being responsible for so many men weighed heavily on him. "Not like I'm the one doing all of the sinking... it wouldn't happen without every man on this boat."

Chris snorted and said, "Yeah, the rest of us know that, but the high hats only think of the captains... Sir."

Jared stepped into the control room and said, "Pardon me, Sirs, report from Medic Anderson. Seaman Lewis has been given a mild sedative and is resting comfortably now. He'll need to be checked tomorrow before he can go back on duty."

"I'll stop in to check on him later. Were you there when he was ill, Padalecki?" Jensen asked, concern for his newest crewman evident on his face.

Jared nodded, keeping his face calm. "Please don't think badly of him, Sir. It's his first tour, too. And the submarine did shake pretty fiercely for a moment."

Jensen smiled and shook his head. "A good many of us have gotten sick from nerves. I could never think poorly of a man in such a situation."

"Thank you, Sir. I'll get back to my post, Sir, with your permission." Jared smiled a little at Jensen.

"Actually, take a few in the mess with the men. I'll come get you when I need you at your post. It's going to be a long afternoon preparing the logs and messages." Jensen smiled kindly at Jared. "I could do with some more coffee," he added, eyes twinkling.

"Oh, yes, Sir," Jared said and then turned toward Chris. "May I get you some of your tea, Sir?"

Chris nodded once and said, "Thank you, Padalecki." He turned toward Jensen as the younger man headed off. "You like him."

"Of course, he's eminently likeable." Jensen grinned at Chris, eyes still twinkling. "He's a sight better than the last Yeoman we had on our sub."

Chris snorted and rolled his eyes. "If that guy had spilled one more cup of your coffee on the main hydraulic control board, we would have tossed him into a torpedo tube and shot him into the water!"

Chuckling, Jensen nodded. "He was not suited for this life... too high strung for the underwater life."

Chris sighed and looked around at the men calmly getting everything back together. "It's terrible how fast this kind of life can become humdrum."

"It can, but we both know better than to get complacent. You okay? Not hit, are you?" Jensen looked Chris over as best he could from their position in the control room.

Chris chuckled and said, "They gave me a bit of a fright when they came out of dark sky at us, but I got down in plenty of time. I'm kind of an expert at navigating that gopher hole, after all."

Jensen smiled, "Thank god for that, Kane. What do you think they were after having an air escort instead of ship?"

"I think their escort must be one of the aircraft carriers, further out of range. They may have been chasing another sub. Who knows?" Chris shook his head. "It's easy to get lost out here."

"Isn't that the truth?" Jensen said, rubbing at his face. "I'm going to head back to my quarters and sort out the facts for the reports. Come by in an hour or so?"

"I'll help out Carlson with the repairs and report back on the progress. Le Grange, you have the con tower." Kane grinned as Jared returned with his tea, taking it with a welcome sigh. "Thank you, Yeoman."

Jared held out Jensen's coffee, made exactly how he liked it. "Anything else I can get you, Sirs?"

"Thanks Kane... see you in an hour." Jensen turned back to Jared with a smile. "You're with me, Padalecki. It's time to start your first major report."

Jared fell into step behind Jensen. "Yes, Sir. We sunk both ships, didn't we, Sir?"

Jensen smiled. "That we did, Yeoman. That we did." 

Jared nodded and frowned a little. "It's pretty terrible, too, isn't it, Sir?"

"It's horrible, Yeoman... the loss of life, the utter waste, is horrible." Jensen shook his head and took a deep breath. "I shouldn't say such things, but it is horrible." 

"I think everyone knows it, Sir. Just like everyone knows that it has to be done, the way things are. We wish it weren't so, but there it is." Jared ducked into his small office to grab a notebook, before going into Jensen's tiny cabin. 

Jensen dropped onto his bunk, one leg propped up and his arm resting on it. "You ready, Yeoman?"

Jared made himself as comfortable as possible and readied his notebook and pencil. "Fire away, Sir... if you'll pardon the terrible pun, please."

Laughing, Jensen nodded. "Thirteen hundred hours, five supply ships spotted, no escort noted. We tracked the ships, ascended further, flooded torpedoes one and two. Upon no sighting of the escort, torpedoes sighted and fired. Two hits recorded."

Jared jotted down his notes in a swift, choppy shorthand. He hummed when he reached the end of Jensen's words and lifted his head with a grin. "Please go ahead, Sir."

"Air escort noted by First Mate Kane, causing Bowfin to dive immediately. We took damage to the hull: twelve leaks noted and patched by Chief Engineer Carlson. Engine three damaged slightly. Carlson needs topside time to assess hull damage to the deck." Jensen smiled and rolled his shoulders. "Be sure to add your own information about Anderson and what you noted before we came out of the control room."

"Yes, Sir," Jared said and then set down his notebook. "May I ask you something, Sir?"  
Jensen nodded. "Of course."

"Do you, uh, do you get scared, Sir? I mean, when we go into battle like that?" Jared tapped his notebook restlessly against his knee. "I was scared, Sir, and no mistake."

"I don't know that scared is how I feel in the moment, Padalecki." Jensen smiled kindly. "I used to get scared, so frightened that I threw up my first time in a battle. Now it's more of a sense of knowing what I have to do to get us all through it as safely as possible."

"It's hard not to have anything to do," Jared admitted. "To lay on your bunk and listen as your captain gives orders and feel the submarine rock under fire... and not have any control over your own destiny." 

Jensen nodded. "I can imagine... is there something you want to do?" he ask.

"I wouldn't want to get in the way, Sir, and I know that's what would happen. So, I'll do what I'm supposed to. It's just... hard on us who want to be helping and can't." Jared scuffed his toe a little on the ground. "Sometimes, Sir, I wish I was more than a glorified secretary. I want to help you... and the Bowfin more."

"Give it some thought. Just because you don't have a specifically assigned task today, doesn't mean we can't use you." Jensen smiled kindly. "Talk to some of the men, find out where you might be needed and let's talk about it again, okay?”

Jared chuckled and shook his head. "Pardon me, Sir. You're so totally unlike what I expected in a commanding officer. In a good way."

Jensen laughed, ducking his head shyly. "If some of the brass knew how I ran things, they'd likely strip me of my position, but there's no sense in having people be idle or discontent."

"I won't tell them, Sir," Jared assured. "I like that you're not rigid about adhering to regulations or unfeeling about the concerns of your men. It makes you an excellent leader."

"Thank you," Jensen said, blushing brightly. "I figured early on that if we have to live here together... and possibly die here together, that some of the formality and rules were going to make life unnecessarily difficult."

"But you keep the ones that make sure things run smoothly," Jared said. "And that's what matters, in terms of rules."

Jensen grinned. "True enough. I keep everyone working, fed and relatively happy while we wage war." He stretched out his legs with a sigh. "I'll need you to take an account from some of the other officers as well. I like to have more than one record of the events."

"I will, Sir," Jared said and stood, stooping to prevent hitting his head. "I have a bunch of reports to finish. Getting into battle put me behind."

"Thank you, Yeoman," Jensen said, waiting until Jared was to his doorway before standing up from his   
bed to stretch. "I'm going to make some rounds of the men to see how they're doing, and I'll stop by and check in later."

"I'll have everything ready for you, Sir," Jared said. "May I get you more coffee, before you go on rounds?"

Jensen looked around almost guiltily, but nodded. "Please, it's going to be a long evening."

Jared laughed and said, "Shall I have Mike make the real strong stuff?"

"Only if you promise to keep me company when I'm awake long after I should be asleep." Jensen grinned wickedly at Jared, figuring the other man wouldn't want to choose that.

Jared smiled. "If you don't mind if I beat you at Go Fish again, Sir."

Tipping his head back on a laugh, Jensen nodded. "I don't mind at all."

Jared laughed with him. "I'll win more of your sugar, which you don't use anyway. Black coffee." He stuck out his tongue.

"Thanks, Padalecki. You're invaluable around here. Hope you know that." Jensen clapped Jared on the shoulder.

Jared blushed and swore he could even feel his toes turn red. "You're kind to say so, Sir. I'm just another cog in the machine. You're the only essential one."

Jensen shook his head. "We're all essential on this submarine... remember that."

"When you say it, Sir, somehow, I do believe it." Without thinking, Jared put a hand on Jensen's shoulder and jolted a little as a spark seemed to flare between them. He pulled it back with an apologetic, and slightly panicked, smile. "I'm sorry, Sir, I don't know what I was thinking."

Shaking his head, Jensen smiled. "It's all right, Padalecki. We all are really glad that you are part of our crew." 

"Truly, Sir, it's kind of you to say so," Jared said, heart thundering, "but I really only care if you think so. I'll, uh- I'll get your coffee now."

"Thank you," Jensen said, letting Jared retreat to catch him composure.

Jared got out of Jensen's sight and then collapsed against a wall, trembling. He'd never really felt this way for anybody before, but he recognized it for what it was. He was _interested_ in his captain. The fear from the battle before was nothing like the fear that filled him now. Nobody must ever find out.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared suffered through the next few quiet days, doing his duty and trying not to think about Captain Jensen Ackles. He found it a fruitless task, since his mind always wanted to wander straight to green eyes, perfect lips and a tight-fitting uniform. It didn't help that the man was friendly and intelligent, too. Jared tried to act normally, but knew he was distant, overly polite. As he called, "Permission to enter, Sir," before his last check-in with the Captain of the day, he thought that Jensen might finally be about to call him on his behavior.

Jensen sighed quietly, his interactions with his Yeoman since their battle day having been strained in a way that he'd never expected them to be after the stop on Midway. Pulling his face into a polite mask, Jensen called for Jared to enter and turned slightly in the seat at his desk.

Jared entered and said, "I'm here with the last reports for the day, Sir." He glanced at the coffee cup on Jensen's small table. "Perhaps after I get you more coffee?" A genuine smile lit his face.

A relieved sigh escaped Jensen when Jared smiled at him, and he relaxed a bit. "I'd love some more coffee, Padalecki. Thank you," he replied.

"Of course, Sir," Jared said and hurried to fetch Jensen more of his hot beverage. Mike handed him some cocoa for himself, which he also took with him. "Here, Sir," he said, holding out the coffee as he reentered Jensen's quarters.

Jensen smiled and took the coffee, sipping at the hot liquid with a moan. "Thank you, I was really needing that." He settled back on the edge of his bed so that Jared could settle at the desk. 

Jared readied himself and said, "It's been a quiet few days since the last contact. Are we going to circle back toward the convoy and try to hit her again, Sir? Or should I ask?"

"You can always ask, and if there's something I can't tell you, then I'll let you know." Jensen sipped the coffee again, eyes closed to enjoy the hot beverage as much as he could. "We're going to circle back and head toward where we think they'll likely be on their run. Losing two ships will have hurt them, but they should still be moving those other three forward."

Jared nodded. "Thank you, Sir. I don't have much to report. Seaman Lewis seems to be fully recovered, but we're keeping an eye on him. If we go back into a battle situation, Medic Anderson advises that it might be wise to have him under observation. I'm sure he'll discuss the situation in more detail with you. We're getting low on a few items, but they're mostly non-essentials, like cocoa, condensed milk and... coffee."

Jensen frowned, nodding. He was pretty concerned about Lewis, but would take that up with Anderson. "Sounds like you have everything under control then. Perhaps I shouldn't be having you bring me so many refills on the coffee. I wouldn't want to deprive the men if they want some too."

Jared looked slightly disappointed at Jensen's lack of reaction, but gamely said, "I am sure they would forgo their coffee to make sure their captain does not become a grumpy old man."

Laughing, Jensen tipped his head and then smiled warmly at Jared. "You might be right and god knows, I'll definitely end up grumpy." He sobered slightly and tilted his head. "Are you okay, Padalecki? You've seemed a bit quiet this week... has the attack left you worried?"

Warmth flooded Jared as Jensen laughed, and he ducked his head to avoid making his feelings obvious. "A little. I just- I don't know. I've felt like maybe I haven't been professional enough, Sir."

Disappointment flooded Jensen, and he shook his head. "I have no complaints, Padalecki. You are the utmost in professionalism around the other men, and not nearly as relaxed around me as I'd have hoped." He smiled shyly. "Especially after our walk on Midway. I thought we'd become friends, too."

"Oh, we are! I mean... I want us to be, Sir," Jared said, eyes wide and honest. "But I don't want to do anything that might endanger your position."

"You won't, Padalecki. Heck, you've never even told me to call you by your first name... I doubt we're going to cross too many lines here." Jensen winked and his Yeoman and hoped he'd be able to take the teasing.

"Yes, I did, Sir, on Midway. Jared... or Jay, Sir. Whenever you want." Jared smiled as Jensen winked at him, feeling himself flush.

Jensen blushed slightly, inclining his head. "You did, didn't you, Jay?"

Jared wanted nothing more than to touch Jensen's red cheeks and kiss his perfect mouth. The hunger frightened him, but he forced himself to say in a normal voice, "I like the way you say my name... Jensen."

"Do you prefer Jared or Jay?" Jensen asked, trying to fight the blush at Jared liking how Jensen said his name. The sudden rush of feelings was new to him, both exciting and unnerving, and Jensen tried to keep his voice steady as well.

"My close friends have always called me Jay," Jared said, "but whichever you prefer is perfect, Sir." He sipped his cocoa as a way to hide.

"I like Jay, but you have to stop calling me Sir when we're in here, okay?" Jensen stuck out his hand for Jared to shake on the deal.

Jared engulfed Jensen's hand in one of his huge paws and shook. "Jensen," he said. "I promise."  
Jensen flushed again, hand tingling from Jared’s touch. He tried not to let his friend see him trembling, but wasn't convinced he pulled it off. "Want to play some cards?"

Jared felt the tremble in Jensen's hand and hoped nothing was wrong. He released him and nodded. "Once I finish my shift, Jensen? I can bring your dinner?"

"Thank you... bring something for yourself, too." Jensen smiled at Jared, so glad that his Yeoman seemed to be getting back to the brighter man he'd been before their attack.

Yes, Sir, Jensen," Jared said and then chuckled at himself. "I heard Mike banging around in the kitchen. I'm almost afraid to know what he's making tonight."

Jensen grinned. "How that crazy man passed the Navy's tests I'll never know, but he tends to have a great sense about food at least."

Jared laughed and said, "He is a good cook. I think he'd prefer to be making fancy food, though."

"He might, though I don't know if he'd have been all that good with fancy stuff." Jensen chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

"I wouldn't put it past him, Jensen, to whip up a fancy bit of grub." Jared glanced down at his notebook. "Anything more for me to record?" 

Jensen shook his head. "Nothing from me. Did you get all of the reports from the other men on the attack?"

"Of course, Jensen," Jared said with a little frown. "I said I would."

"I wasn't questioning that you would... only that you had already done so. That's a lot of information to to get through in just a few days." Jensen smiled gently at him, regretting that he’d made Jared feel doubted.

"I take fast shorthand," Jared said. "I haven’t typed everything up yet. Does that put me behind?"

Jensen shook his head. "Not in the least, Jared. I was just trying to make idle talk about your work... not trying to ferret out what you have or haven't done."

"I was only kidding... about the typing part," Jared said, blushing a little. 

"Oh," Jensen said, blushing. "It seems like this might take the both of us a bit to get used to."

"Being informal? Yeah." Jared grinned. "I used to be so good at it, too. But I always trip on myself with you."

Frowning, Jensen shook his head. "I'm sorry... I don't want you to trip on yourself over me. You were so comfortable on Midway. What's changed?"

Jared froze and then whispered, "I like you more than even then. I get self-conscious around you, trying to be perfect."

"What if I told you that I don't want you to be perfect?" Jensen asked, a teasing smile on his lips. "I really need you to be my friend, instead."

"How can I be your friend? I mean... how can I help you as your friend?" Jared asked.

Jensen grinned wickedly. "Keep me company, play cards, bring me coffee.”

"I think that's possible," Jared said. 

"Just being my friend makes you a good one... Jay." Jensen smiled again and then covered a slight yawn. "Think I might take a walk around the boat before you're off shift... get some oxygen back into this brain of mine."

"Not sure the recycled air of this tub will help you much. I hope we can surface soon and get some fresh air." Jared grinned hopefully at Jensen. 

Jensen chuckled, but shook his head. "Not entirely likely until after we see about the rest of that convoy or end up getting away from this part of the ocean. Kane's probably one of the only ones that'll get anything resembling fresh air for a bit longer."

Jared sighed and said, "Cruelty. Oh well. Crappy air for me then.”

"The cost of a submarine," Jensen teased, winking at Jared.

"I guess it's worth it, to serve with this crew and with you," Jared said. "I'll see you after my shift." He paused at the entrance and studied Jensen for a moment. "Thank you."

Jensen smiled, but tilted his head to the side. "What for?"

"Everything," Jared said. "I'm sorry I've been distant.”

"Just worried about you is all," Jensen said, grinning and flushing slightly.

"I know and appreciate that. So, thank you." Jared nodded at Jensen with a bright smile. "I'll polish off my reports and go get your dinner."

Jensen shook his head. "Our dinner," he affirmed with a small smile.

"Yes, ours," Jared said with a shy smile. "Whatever wonder Mike has whipped up."

"God help us for each meal," Jensen replied before relaxing back on his bunk. "God help us indeed."

Jared laughed and said, "Indeed. I'll be back soon. Enjoy your stroll."  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jensen sat on his bed, plate of food in hand while he tried to figure out exactly what Mike had done to the chicken. He looked up at Jared, a flush of pleasure and a catch of his breath making him stare back down at his plate. Since their earlier conversation, Jensen had thought a lot about Jared and how important it had been to him for them to be friends.

"It's uh... different, isn't it?" Jared said, holding up a spoonful of something not really identifiable. "But do I want to eat it?" He flashed a warm grin at Jensen.

"Well, maybe. We can try it together?" he asked, hopeful.

Jared laughed and toasted Jensen with his spoon. "As they say, down the hatch." He stuffed it in his mouth and swallowed fast. "Well, actually... that wasn't too bad?"

Jensen took his own bite a bit smaller and more slowly, but he chewed and then nodded. "Not too bad after all. Not sure what it tastes like exactly, but it's not too bad."

"Edible," Jared said, "which is all you can ask for in these circumstances." He glanced at the special dessert the captain got. "Well, unless you're the captain."

"Sometimes the rank has its benefits," Jensen teased. "But if you beat me at cards, I might let you have some of the dessert too."

"Now there's a real incentive!" Jared said. "No way am I letting you win, if chocolate is at stake."

Jensen snorted. "You like chocolate that much?"

"I like food that much, and that chocolate is the best looking food I've seen since I came onboard. I'll risk mutiny for it." Jared tried on his best mean face.

"Mutiny is unnecessary, Jared. Besides, your expression is far too cute to be fierce. You must know that." Jensen shook his head and took another bite of his chicken.

"Damn," Jared muttered and went back to his chicken. "Still, it was worth a try... wait, did you just call me cute?" 

Jensen blushed, ducked his head. "Well, you have to know that you’re cute and not mean."

Jared blinked and stared as Jensen blushed. "I just meant, it might be nice for my captain to think I was brave and manly... not cute. I am six feet four!"

"You’re tall and very good at your job... quite probably brave and manly, but not fierce or mean, Jay." Jensen grinned. "And you're cute like a puppy."

Jared flushed with shame and let his head drop. "Yeah. Dimples and eyes, right? My hair used to add to that look, too. It was long and floppy."

Jensen instantly regretted making Jared feel bad. He nudged Jared with his boot and offered a smile. "It's not a bad thing, Jay. In fact, I like that you’re so easy to get along with."

Jared blushed and ducked his head. "Thanks, Jensen. I want to be a good man. Someone other people can trust and rely on."

"You are all that and more, Jared." Jensen smiled at Jared and reached out to squeeze his arm lightly before moving back again.

Jared beamed and shoveled in another heaping forkful of stuff. He swallowed and said, "It's hard to get used to living off such small portions. A man could starve."

Jensen burst out into a gale of laughter. "That doesn't surprise me based on your size, but the portions aren't all _that_ small, Jared."

"Hardly adequate," Jared said with a little pout. "I need my food!" He sighed and settled back as comfortably as the cramped quarters allowed. "I dream about food."

"You should ask Mike for any extras at the end of the meal period. I know that he sometimes has food he can't or won't recycle into another meal."

Jared smiled and shook his head. "I wouldn’t want to seem greedy, even if I am still hungry. Everyone eats the same, which is fair. You and the other officers deserve your extras, but I shouldn’t ask for more than the rest of the crew."

"Ask, Jared. If you're still hungry, just ask Mike if there's anything he's not going to use that’ll just get thrown out. I'd rather you eat it than have it go to waste... especially if you're going around hungry." Jensen smiled gently at Jared, trying to encourage him to at least ask.

"Yes, Jensen," Jared whispered and lifted his head to smile a little at his captain. 

Jensen blushed, returning Jared's smile. "I try to take care of my men."

Jensen only seemed to blush around Jared, and he felt honored that the captain didn’t mind showing his more sensitive side. "We all appreciate the efforts, Jensen."

"I'm glad. It's not an easy thing to lead a group of men, keep their respect and be accessible." Jensen looked at Jared assessingly and then decided to trust him. "It's tiring and a reason for the ulcer I have."

"You have an ulcer?" Jared asked. "Are you taking care of yourself? Those can turn nasty."

Jensen nodded. "It's one of the reasons coffee's supposed to be off limits."

"Jensen," Jared scolded and reached out to remove his cup. "You'll just have to be grumpy."

"Jay," Jensen all but whined at Jared, smiling at him and trying his best puppy dog eyes.

"An unhealthy captain is a bad captain," Jared said, but handed back the cup. "Just promise to try and cut back a bit, all right? Last thing we want is to make that ulcer worse or have it flare up at a bad moment." 

Jensen nodded. "I promise. Besides, you said we're running low so I likely won't have any available to me for awhile." He smiled wryly, knowing that was going to mean much tougher mornings for him.

Jared chuckled and said, "Maybe we can find a substitute to keep you from being too much of a grump."

"Good luck on that, Jay... coffee is my morning's blood to get going." Jensen grinned and shrugged slightly.

"Well, I know what some of the men in my bunk row do to jump start themselves," Jared said and then blushed a dark, mortified red.

Jensen barked out a sharp laugh. "Definitely a benefit to being the officers' quarters... a bit more privacy for such things." 

Jared laughed and said, "I'm not bold enough to be that brazen. Some guys just don't care. I guess they're used to nothing being private. Not like you can hide in a submarine. Even your quarters have only the flimsy covering on the opening. And me next door, hammering away on my typewriter."

"Yeah, by your second tour, you'll be doing it, too. It usually takes new guys a bit to get used to it." Jensen blushed slightly. "And it's not like the shower offers any privacy when anyone uses it either."

Jared felt his voice choke up on any possible words, as he imagined Jensen touching himself in the shower or in the semi-privacy of his quarters. He nearly dropped his plate of food and had to force himself to take a few deep breaths to get back under control. "Yes, uh, Sir," he finally gasped.

Jensen smiled kindly. "You don't have to, of course. There are other means...when we make our stops, there are always women ready to help." He lifted his eyebrows in a wry gesture since Jared had all but confessed on Midway that he wasn’t interested in that kind of fleeting release.

Jared groaned and dropped his head in his hands. "Jensen, I think I am going to blush myself to death if we keep talking about this."

A soft chuckle escaped Jensen's mouth while he looked away so Jared could compose himself. "What else would you like to speak about, then?" he asked, smiling softly.

"Do you often meet with your men, just to chat and the like?" Jared asked. "I mean, am I the only one who does this?" 

"Sometimes they come to me...I've had friendships with other Yeomen before, but you're the first to really want to spend time with the Captain." Jensen grinned and shrugged slightly. 

"Why wouldn't I want to spend time with you?" Jared asked. "As long as you don't feel it's unprofessional. I like the opportunity to speak with you about more than ship's business."

Jensen shook his head, shrugging slightly. "I'm glad that you do, but I think more of the men are afraid of...or at least wary of, the power I have as Captain."

"I guess you could bust me for anything you wanted," Jared said, "but I know you wouldn't, unless the situation genuinely warranted it. And I imagine it must get pretty lonely being captain." 

"It can, but it's one of those prices I've paid to be able to move up in the ranks. Command is something all its own and I wouldn't trade what I've done." Jensen smiled more shyly this time. "But, I'm glad that you enjoy coming to talk with me. It's nice to have someone to call a friend on board."

"Someone to share the non-official dinners with," Jared said. He made a little gesture toward the officer's tiny mess, where they could hear the mumble of voices. "Don't they think it's weird that you're eating with me?"

Jensen shrugged. "Possibly, though they may figure that we're going over more reports and such." He winked. "There was one Yeoman who'd have sworn I was the hardest task master... mostly because he had to do everything three or four times before it was right."

"Poor man," Jared said. "I know he would have been between a rock and a hard place, since you make sure everything is proper before you sign anything."

"He was, but he did not have your attention to detail." Jensen shook his head. He'd rather liked Corey, but the man certainly hadn't wanted to be on the sub, nor had he wanted to have a job that required him to do and redo paperwork. That had been a bad assignment all around.

"I like organizing things," Jared said. "Even my room at home when I was a kid. My mama used to boast about it to all the other moms. Keeping order on this sub is just like looking after a buncha dirty kids, really."

Jensen snorted and then laughed loud and hard. It took him awhile to settle into a snicker, after which he wiped a hand across his mouth. "Yeah, I can see how it would be like that for you."

Jared laughed softly with him, insides warm with the joy of having made Jensen happy. "Well, at least I don't have to actually pick up after them."

"Small favors," Jensen agreed. "That's one place my men know I'm strict. There's no room for a mess on a sub... hell, there's hardly room for all of us."

"You and I take up more than our fair share of space," Jared said ruefully, glancing at how his body   
was twisted to fit in the small quarters.

Jensen nodded, grinning again. "Sometimes I wonder that they allow us tall men to be on the sub... though admittedly, I do get a good bit more room than anyone else here."

"Shhh. talk like that, and they'll reimplement the height standard. It's just cause they need the men to man these subs that we’re allowed on." Jared looked around the tiny cabin. "Yeah, this is the height of luxury on a sub. I'm practically bent in half on my bunk."

Wrinkling his nose, Jensen nodded. "Yeah, I remember those days, and you’ve a few inches on me. I can't imagine you sleep well."

"Well, I can generally sleep when I need to," Jared said. "But I do wake up with some incredible back aches." He sighed. "Know any masseurs onboard?"

"Nope, not that anyone's told me, anyway." Jensen reached out and nudged Jared's leg. "Is it real bad?"

Jared bit his lip, not sure how to answer. He didn't want to sound like he was complaining, but at the same time, he wanted to be honest. "Nothing I'm not used to. The curse of being so tall. My legs hung off the bed I had at school."

Jensen nodded, eyeing Jared carefully. "Are you sore now?"

Jared blushed and said, "Not much, Jensen. A little from the hunched over position at my typewriter from typing the last reports of the day."

Raising his eyebrow, Jensen continued to press. "How much is not much?"

"Not enough to need pills or see the doc or anything," Jared said. He looked at Jensen pleadingly. "I didn't mean to complain."

"You're not complaining." Jensen smiled shyly. "I was going to offer to rub your back where it ached."

"You- you would want to do that? But, I'm just a Yeoman, and you're the captain. I would be presumptuous," Jared stammered and then dropped his head. "I'm sure it would feel nice."

Jensen smiled, nudging Jared again. "Here we're just friends, right? Well, friends help each other out."

"I- uh- thank you." Jared smiled at Jensen, bright and wide, to match his eyes. He looked at his shirt. "With my shirt on?"

"Down to your undershirt would be best, I think," Jensen said, swallowing hard when the words left his mouth. He could do this, be detached about it.

Jared nodded and set aside his dirty dishes in a safe place before carefully removing his shirt. Maneuvering carefully in the tight space, he finally found a way to sit so his back was easily in Jensen's reach. "Is that all right?"

Jensen swallowed again and breathed out slowly. "That's fine, Jay," he said, scooting forward slightly and resting his hands on Jared's shoulders before slowly starting to massage at the tight muscles.

Jared sighed as Jensen eased the aches with his gentle hands. "That feels good... thank you." He slowly relaxed into the touches, having always been prone to being handsy with all of his friends.

"You're welcome," Jensen said, quietly, his hands working slowly but steadily over the tensest of muscles in Jared's shoulders and upper back.

Jared stifled soft noises of pleasure as Jensen's strong hands eased his aches and pains. He slumped into him a little, unable to help the natural reaction. "You'll need to think of a way I can repay you for this, Jen." 

Jensen smiled. "I'm sure I'll think of something, Jay. I'm just glad that it seems to be helping you."

"Yeah. It feels good. The first time some of these muscles have felt this good since we got on the sub." Jared yawned a little, feeling sleepy under Jensen's ministrations. He turned a little toward Jensen, unintentionally brushing against him.

Shivering at the contact, Jensen blew out a slow breath while he tried to hide his reactions. "I'm sorry you've been so uncomfortable. It's a wonder you've managed to remain so cheerful."

"I haven't been that uncomfortable," Jared said, near to slipping right off his perch to the floor in relaxation. "And it's easy to be cheerful when I serve you."

"It is? Why is that?" Jensen asked.

"You're a good captain," Jared said. "Fair. Even tempered. Have high standards, but not pie in the sky ones. And make sure to let people know when they are doing a good job. It makes all the difference."

Jensen beamed at Jared's words. He strove hard to be all of the things Jared said and it was gratifying to know it worked. "Thank you, that means a lot."

"That's why I want to be sure I never get you in trouble. I mean... I never want anyone to feel like you favor me above the rest of the men." Jared turned around a little more to try and see Jensen.

"I don't think anyone would say such a thing. You're my Yeoman." Jensen flushed and corrected himself. "Our Yeoman and it's your job to be close to me with news, reports and the details of running of the sub."

"And having dinner together and getting backrubs?" Jared asked softly. "I don't want to give this up. I like it, but I don't want anyone to think ill of you because of it. And I **am** your Yeoman, first and foremost."

"I sometimes eat meals in here with Kane or La Grange and even Carlson will stop in at dinner time on occasion. I don't think anyone else would find it odd, but don't want you to be uncomfortable, Jay. Please don't do anything you think is wrong."

Jared found himself imagining how it would feel to nuzzle against the warm blush of Jensen's cheeks and blushed, too. "If you think it's all right, then I'm happy to spend time with you."

"I'm glad; I rather like spending time with you." Jensen flushed again and ducked his head, going back to working on the tension in Jared's shoulders.

"I guess it's true about men not being good talking about feelings," Jared said with a little chuckle. 

Jensen returned Jared's chuckle. "Yeah, no one ever really wanted me to talk about them... so it's tough, but I never want to not be honest with you." He had no idea where the feelings were coming from, but Jensen felt himself get warmer the longer he touched Jared. And the more he touched Jared, the more Jensen wanted to touch him.

"My father was a bit like the John Wayne type when it came to feelings: a pat on the head when I was younger and on the back as I grew up… a lot of yelling when he was angry. Apparently, anger is something men are allowed to feel." Jared frowned and shook his head. "I was never his idea of a real man. Jeff always fit that mold much better.”

"My father was never really proud of me until I joined the Navy, but not even really until I made Captain." Jensen shrugged. "He ignored me in favor of Josh most of my life."

"Sounds like we're even more alike than I thought," Jared said with a tiny smile. "I don't know how any parent couldn't be proud of you... captain at such a young age! My father was not happy when he heard they were making me a Yeoman. Calls me a glorified secretary." 

Jensen frowned. "Your father doesn't sound very reasonable. You do so much more than just act as a secretary."

Jared nodded and said, "I know. It's just Josh has gone places and done a lot of real fighting. My father pictures me, behind a desk, pounding away on reports, and never really doing anything in battle. He's not exactly wrong... in battle I huddle on my bunk."

"As you said before, you do the best thing... stay out of the way." Jensen shook his head. "I'm certain your father has no idea what it's like to be here, to do what you do. Besides, hand-to-hand or even fighter piloting isn't all there is to war."

"Yes, I know," Jared said. "But it's hard sometimes, to hear him brag about Josh." He shrugged and smiled at Jensen. "My mama loves me though. She's never had trouble showing it."

Jensen chuckled. "That's a good thing, then. I bet she doted on her baby boy," he teased.

"Well, to some degree. She had a little girl to dote on after me... so that kinda took that away fast. But mama has love to spare. I think that's where I get my friendliness. I always wish men weren't supposed to be so standoffish. It just doesn't feel natural to me," Jared said.

"It's not natural for you," Jensen agreed. "And I'm glad that you are not. Your friendliness fits right in here."

"With you, it fits in more," Jared said. "You seem, if you'll forgive me, somewhat reserved by nature, so my nature and yours have meshed better than I might have expected."

Jensen smiled and dipped his head even though Jared couldn't see him. "I am fairly reserved. It's taken me awhile to get used to command, to my time and attention being required."

"There is not a sign of it in your behavior, except in private," Jared assured him. "You're just not so prone to touch as I am. It means a lot that you're willing to massage my back... more than just because you're captain, but because you're not prone to such efforts."

"I'm much more comfortable with touch when it's family...or close friends." Jensen dug into Jared's shoulders with a bit more strength. "I like to think you and I are becoming close friends."

"I- I like that idea a lot, Jensen." Jared turned a little to look back at him again, even as a soft groan of pleasure escaping him.

Jensen grinned wider, squeezing Jared's shoulders. "Good, this would have been a bit awkward if you weren't interested in being my friend."

Jared laughed more and nodded. "Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing now if I'm not interested in being your friend.”

"True enough," Jensen conceded. "If we weren't going to be friends, then this would not be a good idea."

"What is this?" Jared asked tentatively.

"Spending time together, giving you massages." Jensen blushed, not wanting to admit even to himself that he was possibly feeling something else. Feeling something else wasn't an option, even if he was.

"Yes, those are these best done by friends," Jared said. "Would a massage do you any good?"

Jensen nodded. "Yeah, probably. I get tense a lot."

"Oh. I can offer the same treatment for you. I'm not sure how much good I'd be, but I can learn." Jared smiled hopefully at Jensen, wanting this to be an equal exchange.

"Yeah?" Jensen squeezed Jared's shoulders and then let his hands slide down and away. "You know you don't have to right?"

"I know, Jensen," Jared said with a smile. "I want this to be equal between us. I mean, you're my superior in fact, but in this, we should be together. Yeah?"

Jensen beamed at Jared. "Yeah, I'd like that."

Jared nodded and beamed back, leaning forward slightly to bump their foreheads in a friendly manner. "Equals."

"Equals," Jensen breathed, letting his head rest against Jared’s.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared was midway through his daily routine when the yellow alarm rang. He shot up from his chair and began frantically putting everything away. His heart swelled in his throat as he thought of Jensen, commanding the submarine from the conning tower.

Chris glanced at Jensen from his periscope. "Shall we ready torpedoes, Captain?"

Jensen nodded. "Ready torpedoes, Kane." He continued to scan the water's surface with his periscope. "What's going on sonar? Radar?" he called out to his men in the control room below.

"We have a bearing on the first target, Sir," Smith called, as Rand said, "No sign of incoming ships, Sir. None but the transport vessels currently in range."

Chris said softly, "Our luck can't possibly hold out this well, Sir." He spoke up, "Be on the lookout for destroyers."

"You're not kidding, Kane." Jensen bit his lower lip, turning the periscope and scanning for the larger ships. There was no way they could get this lucky again. "Okay men, lock on target, fire in five."

Jared put away the last of the paperwork and got to his bunk just as the submarine's shudder indicated the first of the torpedoes was fired. He clambered in and held on, even as he heard Chris' voice ring, "Impact in 45 seconds, Captain. "

"Target two locked, Sir," Smith’s voice called, and Jared clutched his bunk tighter, knowing that they were delivering death right now and glad he could not actually see what they were doing. 

Jensen took a few deep breaths, eyes closing before he nodded. "Fire in five," he called out, holding on tight and spinning his periscope around to scout the surface again. "Kane, you got anything up there?"

"No, Sir," Chris said, but just then Marks called, "We have a new contact, Sir. Bearing fast from the SW. Intercept in two minutes, Sir." 

Chris swung his periscope in that direction. "Confirmed, Sir. Destroyer bearing down on us. She'll be in firing range soon." 

"Fire two, now!" Jensen yelled out. "Dive and dive fast after the second shot." He swung the periscope around after calling out his orders, eyes lighting on the destroyer cruising their way. 

"Dive, dive!" Chris yelled, as the second shot went away. The Bowfin’s klaxon screamed as the massive ship prepared for the sudden dive and then submerged. In less than thirty seconds, they were over fifty feet under the water and sinking fast. Even so, booms sounded in the water close around them as the destroyer shot at their sinking form. 

"We need to do some fancy maneuvering to try and get away from her sonar," Chris called. 

"Turn as far as you can to the North at full speed for sixty seconds and then double back East under them for a solid sixty seconds." Jensen looked away from his post at Chris, concern written all over his face. 

"North at a full speed for sixty seconds, then East for sixty, Sir," Chris called, even as the submarine turned to obey Jensen's command. 

"Impact of the first torpedo in five seconds," Smith called. "Five, four, three, two, ONE!" There was a moment of silence and then an explosion rocked the water, even as more small explosions rocked the sub directly. "Direct hit!" 

Chris looked at his watch again. "Turn east in fifteen seconds."

"Sir!" Marks called. "Depth charges!"

"Five, four, three, two, ONE!" Chris yelled, and the sub groaned as she was thrown into a new course with barely a warning. 

Jensen held on tight as the sub rocked in the water, both from the turn and explosions as the depth charges just missed their target. Turning to Chris, Jensen smiled grimly. "We're gonna haul ass out of here. How close is the other ship?"

Jackson, who operated Main Steering, called, "Approaching the end of the second run, Sir. Shall we change course again?"

"Ship tracking us!" Marks called. "Pings getting nearer."

"South, as fast as you can, angle us due south for another sixty seconds and then back West. We've got to confuse these guys," Jensen said.

Jared heard for the first time the ping of an enemy sonar tracking them and dread ran down his spine in an ice-cold line. The sub groaned again as they went into another turn, her moving as well as she could as a bulky machine. But the pings got closer, as their pursuer refused to give up the chase.   
"Oh, please," Jared heard himself whisper. 

Jensen cursed quietly. The sound of the sonar pings getting closer and closer together worried him, but he wiped his face free of any indication. "Are we at full steam now? Can we move any faster?" he asked quietly, not wanting anyone outside the room to hear him.

"Full power, Sir." All faces turned toward Jensen, nerves clear.

The pings kept advancing, getting louder and closer together as the ship tracked them down. Sweat broke out on Jared's head, and he found himself wishing he had had the guts to tell Jensen what he felt for him. It seemed a terrible thing that they all might die without his having told Jensen the truth.

Jensen listened to the sonar and prayed like he had never prayed before. He knew his duty, knew he had to stay at the command center, but Jensen couldn't help thinking of Jared... alone in his bunk, probably scared the way he was scared. His stomach dropped, and Jensen bit his lip, lowered his eyes and took a deep breath. He couldn't worry about Jared right now; Jensen had a duty to get them all out of this. 

"Depth charge just off our starb-" Marks yelled, before a tremendous blast rocked the submarine. The lights flickered ominously, every joint of metal screaming in protest of the treatment.

"Fuck," Jensen said, grabbing onto the pole in from him. "Carlson, Kane... damage assessment. Now!" He turned and eyed his officers. "Sonar, report!"

Marks shook his head. "One second, Captain... they appear to be moving over us, away."

Carlson’s voice came up from the command room. "We're leaking bad in several places, Captain. Two of our turbines are down and the engines are protesting without them. We’re doing all we can!"

"Kane, grab every man you can, including Yeoman Padalecki, and get them set to repairs per Carlson's needs." Jensen turned back to Marks, wanting confirmation that the destroyer was moving along.

Jared heard the call for all hands to help with repairs and leaped from his position, hustling along with the other scared crewmembers to work on the damage. He was soon in place, tightening screws and hammering in metal to stem the numerous leaks. 

"They're still sounding their sonar, Sir," Marks said. "But still moving away from us."

"Good. What direction are they heading?" Jensen looked up with a smile, confident his crew could handle the repairs. "Don't want to move much further until we know."

"About 30 degrees north-northeast, Sir," Marks said and looked up at Jensen. "Still not turning, Sir."

Jensen smiled again. "Turn us due south and stay at full throttle." He patted a couple of his men on the back and then climbed down to the control room, wanting to talk to Carlson. 

Steve appeared in the doorway and said, "Full throttle is impossible, Captain. I recommend we ease her off now or risk doing more damage to the engines. We're running loud as it is. As long as we can dodge our pursuit without running the engines much, I'd prefer it."

"If that's what's best." Jensen nodded at Carlson, trusting him. 

"More contacts, Captain," Marks called. "Heading our direction and fast."

Chris appeared behind Steve, smiling grimly. "You best monitor here, Sir. We can take care of the repairs."

Jensen nodded and climbed back into the conning tower. "Ease back on the throttle. Carlson's worried about structural integrity if we move at full speed." Sticking head back toward the hole, he called down. "Carlson, are you comfortable with us diving any?"

"No further than we already are, Sir," Steve called back. "As it is, the pressure is making the leaks hard to seal. We're lucky we're not sinking to the bottom."

"Got it." Jensen frowned and turned back to Marks. "What direction are they coming from and how fast?"

"On an indirect course toward us north-northwest, Sir," Marks said. "No telling what kind of ships they are."

"Turn northeast. We need to get out of their path and not back toward that destroyer," Jensen told the Maneuvering Room. He bit his lower lip, leaning over the map.

The sub eased slowly to the northeast, straining with its remaining engines. "Sub turning, Sir," the Maneuvering Room reported.

Jensen nodded in acceptance, eyes on the map. "Keep me apprised of where those ships are, please."

"Yes, Sir," Marks said with a nod. He kept his ear close to his machine gauging distance. "They're starting to move away, Sir."

"Glad to hear it." Jensen allowed himself a breath and a small smile. He stepped to the opening and called out. "Report on damages?"

Steve looked up and said, "Once we can stop, we should be able to fix two of the three busted engines, Sir. The third is irreparable until we get to port. We're pumping out water as fast as we can, but there's several hours of repair to fix the leaks completely. Assorted smaller damages to various sections... we got lucky, Captain."

Jensen nodded. "Sounds like. We seem to have the ships overhead moving away, but I want us to get another couple of miles out before we stop. Can you hold things until then, Carlson?"

"Yes, Sir," Steve said. "I've already got a few of the emergency repair crews standing down, but there are still several tending leaks. I want to examine the part of the hull damaged by the depth charge more closely, make sure it will hold under the stress of the water. We'll need to surface as soon as we can, Sir, to complete repairs."

"Not sure how fast that'll be, but I'll try to make it sooner than later." Jensen grinned at Carlson, knowing that his engineer understood the kind of danger they would be in if they surfaced too soon. There was no way they'd withstand an attack from the air if they couldn't dive or move at full speed.

"Yes, Sir," Steve said with a little nod. "I know you've got other problems that come first, and I'll hold her together 'til you solve them. It's why I'm happy to let you be captain, while I'm just chief engineer. Just, you know, try not to take too long solving them." He paused and then said,   
"By the way, that Yeoman, when he's not busy hitting his head or falling over his sasquatch feet, he's doing all right as an emergency repairman. Mind if I assign him there for future use?"

Jensen blinked in surprise. “Yeah, feel free... I know he wants to be of assistance in these situations. I'll get those other problems solved fast as I can."

"Thank you, Sir," Steve said, saluted and hurried off to work on his precious engines.

Chris reappeared through a hatch, looking battered, wet and bruised. "I'm sorry to report, Sir, that we've three serious casualties caused by the explosion of the hull. Forsythe took a metal bolt through the leg. Brewster has shrapnel embedded in his scalp, pretty deep, Sir. And Hull had hot steam explode in his face... he's blind, Sir. We've had about ten less serious injuries as well, Sir... most recently your Yeoman, who managed to burn his left arm pretty bad trying to fix a leak near a hot pipe."

"Noted. Can you see if the doc needs any help and then get back up here? We need to figure out where to go next and when we can surface so Carlson can assess and assign damage control." Jensen smiled grimly, heart tripping over at the thought of Jared being injured. He had to stop himself from running down to check on him.

"Yes, Sir," Chris said and saluted, heading back for the doctor.

There was a brief scuffle at the portway through and then Jared dragged himself into the control room, cradling one arm. He carefully saluted Jensen and said, "Sir," before continuing slowly toward the next throughway.

Jensen watched Jared, saluting him back and then worrying at his lower lip. He looked at his men in the conning tower. "Sonar, report on locations, please."

"All contacts now distant and growing fainter, Sir," Marks replied. "We can confirm that the second torpedo missed its target, though. Sorry, Sir."

"Thank you, better we missed the target than take any more time and have sustained further damage." Jensen smiled wryly at his crew and then rolled his shoulders. "I need to step away for a moment, call for me if you need anything." He climbed down and headed the same direction Jared had taken, trying to look casual.

Jared sat in the crew's mess, alone except for Mike rattling around in the galley, and applied burn lotion to his arm. He hissed a little as he dabbed the ointment over the worst of the wound and then looked up as he saw someone enter the mess. "Sir," he said, standing up hastily when he saw Jensen and cracking his knee on the low table. 

"Sit, Padalecki. It's okay." Jensen moved into the mess slowly, looking over at Mike in the kitchen before turning his attention back to Jared. "How's your arm?"

"A bit of a mess, Sir," Jared admitted with a shamed expression. "I was careless around a hot pipe. It was my own fault."

Jensen frowned and sat opposite Jared. "May I see?" He held out his hand, waiting for Jared to put his arm in it.

Jared hesitated and then gently set his arm in Jensen's hand, exposing a fresh, red burn that was oozing in places. He winced a little and ducked his head. "Doc's got a lot on his plate, so I was just going to finish putting on burn cream and then bandage it lightly."

"All right, but once he's done with those men, I want you to see him. If you don't care for this, it could become infected." Jensen stroked lightly over Jared's pulse, lifting his gaze so Jared could see the concern in his gaze.

Jared felt so cared for in that moment, so inexorably drawn to the man in front of him that, without thought, he murmured, "Yes, Jen," and leaned forward to gently brush his lips over Jensen's. The contact lasted a brief second and then Jared's eyes widened in shock, and he jolted backward, unmindful of his arm in Jensen's hand or the tiny bench, wrenching his arm painfully in the process. With a startled, fearful cry, he ended up on his ass between the table and the wall. "I'm so sorry, Sir," he babbled. "Don't know what I was thinking, Sir. Please, I'm sorry. I'll see the doctor, yes, Sir. Just- I- yes, Sir."

Jensen had one hand to his lips, the tingling there almost as shocking as the display Jared made flailing about the mess hall. "Jared, at ease.” Jensen barely breathed the words out, shooting a glance at Mike and then sighing in relief when he saw the man's back still turned. "Come into the officer's quarters so we can get the burn tended." He pleaded with his eyes for Jared to relax and follow him.

Jared relaxed a little and painfully pulled himself to his feet. He saw no anger in Jensen's eyes, for which he was beyond grateful, but knew that Jensen must punish him for his grave transgression. Head hanging, he followed after his captain, still cradling his injured arm.

Looking around, Jensen noted they had the area to themselves. He motioned Jared into his room, stopping when they were both safe inside. "How's your arm? Did you hurt it even more when you fell?"

"A little, Sir," Jared said, head still hung. "Please, Sir, allow me to apologize. I don't know what came over me."

"Did you mean it?" Jensen asked.

Startled by the question, Jared answered truthfully, "I don’t know what you mean by mean it, Sir, but in that moment, I felt very close to you. I wanted to kiss you, yes, though I did not even realize it until I found myself doing so."

Jensen stared at Jared for a minute, moving into Jared's space and curling one hand around his neck. "Are you going to stop me from doing it again?"

Jared trembled, eyes wide with a confused mix of hope, fear, desire and something deeper. "Again?" he whispered. "I- please." He shut his eyes and offered his mouth to Jensen.

Leaning in, Jensen kissed Jared the way he'd been dreaming about every night. He pressed their mouths together, tilted their heads slightly and then swept his tongue along the seam.

Jared moaned in the back of his throat and leaned into the kiss. He brought his good hand up to hold on to Jensen's shirt, pulling himself closer. His mouth opened for Jensen's tongue, sucking lightly at the muscle.

Jensen deepened the kiss with a heated moan, squeezing Jared's neck slightly and pressing in closer. He was wholly unprepared for the way it would feel to kiss Jared.

Jared hissed a little and pulled away, as Jensen bumped into his wounded arm. "Jensen," he whispered softly, even as he recradled his arm tight to his chest. Head falling forward, he leaned his forehead against Jensen’s. 

"Jared," Jensen echoed. He trembled slightly, breathing heavily and rubbing their noses together.

Jared smiled at the affectionate gesture and returned it, before pulling back again. "Jensen," he said softly, "we can't do this now." He looked down at his arm and then back up at Jensen. "I should get my arm bandaged, while you go to the conning tower again. Perhaps- perhaps we can talk tonight, when things are quiet again?"

"Absolutely. I'm going to hold you to our nightly game of cards." Jensen smiled wryly. "All I could think of was getting to you when I heard you were injured."

"I thought of you, too, when we were attacked. How I wished I could tell you about... this... how I feel." Jared dropped his eyes shyly. "Not that I ever thought to... you should punish me for what I did."

“No, Jared. I couldn’t punish you.” Jensen shook his head slightly. "Not when I've thought about it all week."

Jared blushed and smiled at Jensen, pressing their mouths together for yet another soft kiss. He moaned and then moaned again, before pulling back to pant softly. "Jen."

"Jay. You will come back tonight, yes?" 

"If you want me to, I will," Jared promised and then stood again. He smiled at Jensen, a blush on his cheeks, saluted with his good arm and then headed out to the mess again. Wrapping his arm slowly and carefully with a gauze bandage, he smiled to himself as he thought of what the evening would bring.  
~~~~~~~~~~

fter Jared finished his busy day and waited for the general nerves of the crew to quiet, Jared found himself standing in front of the fabric flap that separated the captain from the rest of the crew. For a moment, he paused, heart hammering in his throat, but finally wiggled the material to let Jensen know he was there. "Captain," he said formally, for anyone in hearing range, "it's Yeoman Padalecki... Sir."

"Come in," Jensen called, hoping that his voice was steadier than he felt. He sat on the edge of his bed, hands on his knees and eyes lifted to the curtain.

Jared took a deep breath and then entered the little room. As soon as he got the flap back in place, he found himself standing awkwardly near the entryway, unsure where to go. "You wanted to see me," he said a little breathlessly. 

Jensen nodded. "Only if you want to see me, Jay." 

Jared ducked his head and blushed, before nodding. "More than anything," he whispered.   
Jensen blushed in return, dipping his head, but looking up at Jared through his lashes. "I wasn't sure if you might have regretted our moment earlier."

"May I-" Jared gestured toward the floor by Jensen. "May I get nearer? I want to be closer."  
"Sit on the bed with me," Jensen invited, making room for Jared to settle next to him.

Swallowing nervously, Jared moved to find a position on the small bunk next to Jensen. He finally found a way to sit with his body half-turned toward Jensen and reached out to grip his shirt lightly. "Jen."

Jensen reached out and rested his hand lightly on Jared's knee. "Yes, Jay?" he asked, heart thundering in his chest while his voice came out low and breathy.

"This is dangerous," Jared whispered, nearly vibrating with want and fear. "Against all regulation and fraternization and so many other things..." He leaned forward and pressed their forehead together. "But I want this so much."

"It's probably the most dangerous thing we could do," Jensen agreed quietly, breathing easier once they were in contact. "But I feel so much more for you than anyone else in my life. Ever."

"I've never felt like this for anyone, either," Jared admitted. "My family always worried, cause I never had a girl. But there was never anyone who interested me. And then you." He touched Jensen's chest timidly. "Oh Captain, my Captain." 

Jensen smiled. "What does it feel like for you?"

"How do I even describe it?" Jared whispered. "Like the world is dull and gray when you’re not around, but springs into vibrant technicolor when you are around. My stomach is tight and flutters. My heart seems to swell and pound until I'm sure it's going to burst from my throat. I ache to be able to hear you, touch you, look at you." He flushed and dropped his head to his chest. "I'm a clumsy poet."

"Far from clumsy, Jared. You have described everything I feel, too. I want you to be near me all the time... I worry about you when we’re fighting because I can’t see you." Jensen flushed slightly, leaning into Jared's touch. "I’ve thought of your kiss more than you should since you left me earlier."

"May we kiss again?" Jared asked, feeling silly for asking, but not wanting to chance taking liberties.

Jensen smiled brilliantly. "Yes, please... I want that." He leaned in and brushed his lips over Jared's.

Jared gripped Jensen's shirt tighter with the hand of his injured arm, wrapped his other hand around the back of Jensen's head and kissed him for all he was worth. The whole act was brand new- their kisses earlier in the day were the first of Jared's life- but he took to the activity like a duck to water. 

Returning the kisses, Jensen kept their sounds to a minimum although he wanted to let Jared how much he enjoyed it. This was wholly unlike any of the chaste kisses he'd given Edna when they were courting at home, and Jensen could hardly believe he'd ever thought that was all there was.

Jared pulled back with a sigh and whispered, "Jen, may I touch more?" 

"If you want to," Jensen said, brushing his lips over Jared's cheek. "You don't have to ask... I want this as much as you do."

"I don't know how this works," Jared said, tenderly unbuttoning a few of the buttons of Jensen's uniform shirt and sliding a hand through to touch the skin beneath. He looked down at his fingers, loving the silky, warm skin and the beat of Jensen's heartbeat through the tips. "I feel like rolling on my back and pulling you on top of me... I don't even know what that means."

Jensen shook his head, eyes wide. "Neither do I, Jared." He trembled under the tentative touching. "But you make me want to learn."

Jared smiled and brushed his thumb accidentally over the little bump of Jensen's right nipple. "I know I like this."

"Me too," Jensen whispered, dragging his thumb down Jared's throat to chase his pulse. He slid the edge of Jared's shirt away and then leaned in to lick over the warm skin.

Jared groaned and lifted his head to expose more skin for Jensen. "Feels good."

Jensen breathed out softly, nuzzling at Jared's throat before he kissed underneath Jared's jaw. "There's no room in here for us to do what I want... want to lay you out and kiss you everywhere."

Jared glanced at Jensen's bunk and grinned. "My feet'll hang over the side," he said, before groaning at Jensen's kisses. "Want to strip and let you have your way.”  
"Maybe when we have a shore leave?" Jensen asked softly, brushing his lips over Jared's and looking into his eyes.

"Yes," Jared said. "Jensen... are we... is this being your lover?"

Jensen blushed, but nodded with a smile. "Yes, I want you to be my lover."

"I do. Your secret lover," Jared said with a soft smile. "I promise not to let it interfere with my duties, Sir." He stroked over Jensen’s abdomen.

"Please don't. I want both a lover and an amazing Yeoman." Jensen loved teasing Jared, knowing that he could.

"I think I can guarantee an amazing Yeoman, but not sure about an amazing lover," Jared admitted. He lifted his hand up again to rub circles with his palm over Jensen's chest and nipples.

Jensen smiled. "You’re already amazing, Jay." He arched into Jared's touch with a sigh.

Jared pinched and tugged the nub, enjoying the feel of tiny grooves and bumps. "I want to be amazing for you, Jen. I want this to be amazing for us both."

"It will be amazing, Jay. I believe that. We’ll make it amazing." Jensen smiled at Jared, arching into the touch with the softest moan.

"Should I touch more?" Jared asked, unsure what to do next. 

Jensen nodded. "If you want to touch me, then yes." He flushed lightly, lifting his head to kiss Jared firmly.

Jared groaned into the kiss. "I do. I want to touch all over. But I don't want to do this wrong... or put us anymore at risk." 

"Touch me, please," Jensen asked. "I'll keep quiet if you touch me." He stared at Jared with large eyes, stroking his thumb up and down the column of Jared's throat.

"And not if I don't?" Jared dared to tease, eyes warm. He lifted his chin to encourage the hand on his throat.

Jensen chuckled, tracing his thumb higher to skim over Jared's stubbled jaw. "I'll be even quieter if you don't, though I may curse your for it. To tease me and not follow through is cruel."

"Follow through," Jared said uncertainly, but pressed Jensen's shirt open further. He mapped over his chest and down his abdomen, playfully dragging his nails over the area just above his waist. "What about..." He gestured to Jensen's pants.

Jensen blushed. "Do you want that?" he asked, flicking his gaze down at his pants and then back up at Jared.

Jared matched Jensen's blush and nodded a little. "I want to see, touch... learn," he whispered. "I know about myself, but you’re new."

"Then touch me," Jensen said. "And I will touch you." He smiled and reached one hand out to slowly unbutton Jared's shirt.

Jared shivered as Jensen's hands gently worked to open his shirt, revealing his bare chest below. He tried to concentrate on opening Jensen's pants, but his fingers fumbled and he gave up and leaned into Jensen's touch with the softest moan. 

Jensen swirled his fingers over the silky skin, smiling at the way that Jared lost his train of thought. "You’re so amazing, Jay. Do you like how I'm touching you?"

"Yes," Jared whispered. "Never been touched by anyone else before." He kissed Jensen's face, little points of contact against his skin. "Can't think."

"Don't think. Just feel," Jensen whispered, eyes trained down at the sleek muscle he uncovered. He pushed the shirt farther apart, spreading it over Jared's chest so he could slide his thumb over Jared's nipple.

Jared whined, high in his throat, and latched his hands tight on Jensen's hips. "Oh. Never felt like that before." He mouthed at Jensen's forehead, the act unconscious.

Jensen dipped his head to kiss Jared's lips and then swept his thumb over the hardened nub. Back and forth, over and over, while Jensen kissed Jared to keep the sounds muted from any possible ears.

Jared squirmed and arched as Jensen tortured his nipple. His hips thrust into the air, searching for some sort of pressure. He chewed lightly at the tongue in his mouth, unaware of the urgency of his cries as Jensen swallowed them.

Easing back, Jensen slid his hands to rest on Jared's ribs. "Shhh," he breathed. "Easy."

"Oh," Jared gasped and pressed his face into Jensen's neck. "You make me warm all over. I want to be closer to you. Just rub against you."

"Some other time and place, Jay. Somewhere we truly have privacy," Jensen said, pleading with Jared to understand. 

"I know," Jared whispered. "I know we can't, Jen." He raised his head, pupils dilated, and smiled a little sadly at Jensen. "This isn't safe as it is. But oh, I want you. I understand what that means now."

Jensen smiled, flushing at the need in Jared's voice. "I want you to, I need to have you with me, Jay." He leaned in and kissed Jared thoroughly.

"I won't willingly leave you, Jen," Jared promised. He attacked Jensen's pants again, forcing his fingers to work well enough to open his fly and reach inside. His breath escaped in a sharp hiss as he searched for and found Jensen's cock, hard and leaking.

"Jay!" Jensen cried out, biting his lower lip and glancing at the door to be sure no one was rushing in. But he couldn't keep his eyes open under the onslaught of pleasure that Jared's fingers were bringing to him.

Jared gasped at the response and shot a look at the door, too, but then was riveted back to the turgid, warm flesh in his hand. He stroked up and down, mesmerized by the feel and look. "Is this- am I- Jen, may I?"

Jensen trembled and shook, nodding wildly and gripping tight to Jared's shoulders. He smiled, moaning softly before he buried his mouth against Jared's throat.

Jared turned his head and kissed at Jensen's forehead and crown. He carefully stroked Jensen's cock, trying to repeat the motions he enjoyed.

"Oh please, Jay. God, please." Jensen rolled his head on Jared's shoulder, hips lifting helplessly into Jared's grip.

Jared smiled and thumbed over the head of Jensen's cock, feeling the slick of pre-come on his fingers. He looked down to watch as his hand engulfed and then exposed Jensen. "You look... gorgeous."

Jensen couldn't form any words, mouthing at Jared's throat with low whines. He nibbled and licked the heated skin while thrusting into Jared's hand.

Jared lost his voice as well, not able to make anything other than soft, encouraging noises. He kissed and nuzzled Jensen the whole time, loving his every move and cry. 

The shock of his orgasm tore through Jensen, and he bit down at Jared's shoulder while he trembled and spurted. Moaning low, he dug his fingers into Jared's muscled forearms and held tight.

Jared watched as Jensen made a mess of himself and his hand. He moaned softly at the sight and then plastered Jensen's mouth with passionate kisses. "Jen."

"Jay," Jensen whispered back, forcing his eyes open and a smile on his face. "I didn't expect that."

"Was it all right?" Jared asked, still looking at the mess on his hand. He lifted it and sniffed curiously, before licking to test the flavor.

Jensen moaned, biting his lower lip to stop the sound. He stared at Jared's mouth, where he sucked on Jensen's come. "It was more than all right, Jay. It was amazing."

"You taste... strange, but I like it." Jared smiled and cleaned the rest off with his busy tongue. "I like it a lot." 

"You amaze me, Jay." Jensen kissed him slowly.

Jared kissed back, mouth open and giving to Jensen. He gripped his back with his clean hand and rubbed around slowly. When they parted, he leaned his head against Jensen's and smiled. "My Jensen."

"Your Jensen and my Jared," Jensen said, whispering the words against Jared's lips. "Can you keep quiet if I do the same for you?"

"I- I do not know," Jared confessed. "I can when I touch myself, but I have never been touched by another."

Jensen stroked his hand over Jared's bare chest and stomach. "I cannot touch you like that if you cannot be quiet. We risk much as it is."

"Oh." Jared hung his head and murmured, "I would not wish to endanger you anymore. I can wait."

"It endangers us both," Jensen asserted, kissing Jared lightly. He reached up and swept his thumb over Jared's hard nipple.

Jared bit down on a moan, but then begged in a soft voice, "Please, Jensen. Please, let me try to be quiet. I want to feel your hand on me. I want to know that."

Jensen nodded, turning slightly. "Lean back against the wall of the bunk. Stretch yourself out a bit more." He leaned in and kissed Jared's chest with a smile. "I want to see as much of you as I can."

Wishing he had thought of that, Jared moved as Jensen directed and found himself sprawled a bit more and definitely posed so Jensen could see more of him. He blushed helplessly, feeling on display, but not at all attractive. "Like this?" he murmured.

"Just like that," Jensen said quietly. He spread open Jared's shirt with a soft hum of pleasure and then stroked his fingers up Jared's chest. "You're amazing, Jay," he said, dragging his fingers back down to fumble with Jared's belt and trousers.

Jared murmured nonsense words of pleasure at Jensen's touch and voice, even as he flushed even deeper in a mixture of arousal and embarrassment. He lifted his hips to allow Jensen to slide his pants down and expose more of him to view. Besides, his cock ached and wanted to be free.

Jensen sighed happily when Jared's cock came into view. He'd seen others, of course, but never in a direct state of arousal like this and certainly never because of him. Flushing bright red, Jensen ducked his head and stroked his fingers lightly up and down Jared's length.

Jared moaned softly as Jensen touched his length and pressed his hips up to encourage him. "I like a firm grip," he said softly, forcing his voice not to waver. "Please, touch however you want, Jen."

"Firm," Jensen whispered. He smiled and then wrapped his hand around Jared at the base. With a smile, he stroked up and down, slow and steady, while watching Jared's face.

Jared gripped the bedclothes tight in his hands and bit down on his lower lips to prevent from making all the desperate noises he felt bottled inside him. He rocked up and down into Jensen's touch, head rolling around in response to the intense sensations. This was nothing like touching himself, which left him with a sensation of empty, meaningless pleasure. This was someone who cared about him, someone he cared about, giving him a precious gift of touch and sound and emotion. This was everything. 

Jensen panted softly at the sight of Jared, so wanton in his pleasure. He stroked up and down with one hand while using his other hand to caress Jared's chest. Cursing the fact that they had to be quiet, Jensen leaned in closer and pressed light kisses to Jared's lips. "So gorgeous."

Jared clamped down on a loud cry and gasped out, "Not gonna last, Jen. Can't-" Driven by sensation, his body sped up the pace, thrusting faster into Jensen's grip.

"Don't have to, Jay," Jensen said, kissing him deeper and stroking his hand faster and faster to spur Jared to his completion.

Jensen's words freed Jared to spill all over himself and Jensen's hand. He bit down on his right fist to prevent making noises anyone else could hear. His first time proved overwhelming, so that he shot off like a gusher and knocked himself out in the process.

Concerned for Jared, Jensen stroked his hand up and down Jared's thigh. He cleaned up his own hand then Jared's chest and stomach. Finally, Jensen shook Jared lightly. "Jay? Are you okay?"

Jared woke slowly from the darkness and blinked dopily at Jensen, before smiling. "Whoa."

"Yeah?" Jensen asked, smiling and stroking his hand on Jared's stomach.

"Yeah," Jared whispered and tugged Jensen in for a kiss. He shut his eyes and focused on Jensen's lips and tongue, stroking them with his own. 

Moaning softly into Jared's mouth, Jensen sank into the kiss and tangled his hand in Jared's hair.

"Thank you," Jared whispered as he pulled away. "I should go now. We don't want to generate unwelcome attention."

"Yes, okay," Jensen pouted after stealing another kiss. "I don't want you to go, but I know you must."

"I want to stay here, in your bed and your arms," Jared confessed. "But I can’t even fit alone."

Jensen chuckled and then kissed Jared again. "Someday we'll have the time and the space to spend the night together."

"Someday," Jared echoed with a hopeful smile. "Yes." He carefully sat up and pulled himself together. "Will I do, Captain?"

"You look fine, Jay. Make sure you get enough sleep, okay?" Jensen asked.

Jared caught Jensen around the neck and moved in for a deep, passionate kiss. He pulled back reluctantly and smiled at his new lover. "Whatever happens, this is worth the risk. How I feel... you." He nuzzled at Jensen's cheek.

Jensen closed his eyes and let out a breath and stress he didn't know he was holding. "I agree. You...this...us...it's worth anything." Jensen kissed Jared again and then pushed him slowly toward the door.

Jared stepped back toward the opening and then smiled at Jensen. "Thanks, Captain," he said in a voice loud enough for others to hear. "It's good to have a captain a man can talk to sometimes."  
"I'm here for anyone who needs, Yeoman. Have a good night," Jensen responded, also a bit louder so that his was still slightly muffled.

"Thank you, Sir," Jared said so anyone outside could hear again and then mouthed to Jensen, "for everything." He smiled a secret smile just for his new lover and headed out.

Jensen waited until Jared was out of his little cabin and then fell back on the bed with a smile. He stroked his hand over his chest and stomach and closed his eyes on the memory of Jared coming undone on the bed while Jensen touched and teased him.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared walked one of the quieter paths on the island of Midway, alive with the knowledge that he was going to meet Jensen. Since they initiated their intimate relationship, they had only really been together once or twice more. They had to be so careful, and Jared understood that and kept a close eye on himself to make sure his behavior toward Jensen never changed in public. But here, at last, they could escape and hopefully, be together more fully. 

He hiked the knapsack, full of food and a blanket, higher on his right shoulder and glanced around to make sure he was still alone. Grateful that most of the men wanted nothing more than to lounge on their bunks or whistle at the pretty nurses while they were here, he followed the small path into the vegetation and up toward a large group of boulders. "Jensen?" he called softly, as he entered the ring.

"Through here, Jay," Jensen called, peeking his head out around one of the larger stones before disappearing back behind. It was the most secluded area of the boulder grouping, and they'd be able to hear people coming much sooner. He stepped back and eyed the area critically, stomach jumping at the thought of being able to spend time with Jared on their own. 

Jared ducked around the boulder and shot Jensen a shy smile, before heading for a small patch of sunlight to spread out their blanket. "I brought a few provisions," he said, voice soft. 

"I did too," Jensen said, blushing fiercely but willing it down. He'd figured that Jared would cover the food (hungry as he always was), but Jensen had bartered for a few other things he thought, and hoped, they might need. Crossing to the blanket, Jensen lowered his pack to one corner of it before unlacing and removing his boots to hold down another corner.

Jared sat down and pulled out the items he had been able to barter for from the commissary and the marines stationed on the island. A few packets of cigarettes went a long way, which made Jared glad he didn't smoke. "Here are a few of my treasures. Some fresh bread, a couple of tins of corned beef, some cookies, and I don't know where he got it, but a bit of good chocolate." Jared set them all out for Jensen to see.

Jensen smiled. "Wow, you went all out for us." He settled onto the blanket, across from Jared even though he wanted to sit directly next to him. He kept telling himself he'd have enough time for that later in the day. "Looks like a feast."

"Well, at least it's different from what Mike serves us," Jared said with a little smile. "And definitely change is good. Did the officers have anything special you could get? Fresh meat, maybe?" He looked hopefully at Jensen's bundle.

"I sweet talked one of the nurses into giving me some chicken. Plus, I got cheese and some beer." Jensen opened his own pack, laying out the food items and leaving the rest tucked down in the bag just in case they were never needed.

"Oh wow," Jared said, feeling his mouth flood with saliva. "Chicken and cheese? I'm in heaven!"

Jensen laughed. "You and your stomach. Do you think of anything besides food?" he asked, teasing openly while he pushed one of the packets toward Jared. 

"Yes, I think a lot about you," Jared said and smiled at Jensen. He picked up the bread and began to cut it into slices. "How about I make us some sandwiches?"

"I think sandwiches sound perfect. Shall I open the beer? Maybe break out our deck of cards?" Jensen asked. He'd packed the cards as a way to possibly break the tension and slide them into more familiar territory if needed.

"Cards?" Jared asked. He tilted his head and looked at Jensen in confusion. "You want to play cards?"

Jensen shook his head. "Not particularly, but I brought them just in case you did."

Jared chuckled, set aside the bread and knife and leaned forward to cup Jensen's face and kiss him. "I want to eat, talk and be together, physically," he said, blushing a little.

"I'm so glad," Jensen said, slipping into the kiss and reaching up to grab onto Jared's shoulder. "I want that too," he whispered when they pulled apart.

Jared nuzzled Jensen's cheek and mouth, before pulling away again. "I'll make our sandwiches." He began to slice the bread again, before carefully dividing up the cheese and chicken between them. "Do you want corned beef on yours, too?"

Jensen nodded, watching Jared's large, capable hands. "Please," he said, forcing himself to look up at Jared's face with a wry grin. "Keep imagining your hands on me."

Jared grinned and said, "I keep thinking about that, too, Jen. I want to be able to really see you this time. And for you to see all of me." He carefully opened one of the corned beef tins and put some on Jensen's sandwich only. "Wish we had some butter or something." 

"Maybe next time," Jensen teased. "I'm just glad we were able to find ourselves a quiet time to be together."

"I know. This is exactly what I've been wanting," Jared said and scooted over to press against Jensen, offering him his sandwich. "I'm not complaining." He took a big bite of sandwich and chewed contentedly.

Jensen took his sandwich, leaning into Jared's side and took a bite. He chewed it, humming softly at the taste of something much fresher than their usual fare. After a few moments of eating, Jensen leaned even closer and rubbed his cheek on Jared's shoulder. "Sometimes it's nice to just be outside."

"I miss fresh air a lot," Jared said with a laugh. "There's nothing like the stale air of a buncha men crammed into a small space." He turned to nuzzle Jensen's cheek and hair. "We're lucky to have a couple of days here to refuel and rest. The next tour sounds tough."

"It will be, and it'll only be harder to be together, but apart, after this," Jensen said, breathing out and closing his eyes to soak in Jared's easy affection.

Jared slid his free hand under the hem of Jensen's shirt and stroked the soft skin tenderly. "Yeah. But we'll see each other every day, at least. And you'll ask for me next time out, yeah?"

Jensen nodded. "Of course." He blushed slightly before turning his head to nuzzle at Jared's cheek. "You're _my_ Yeoman."

"Yes, Sir," Jared whispered and leaned in for a kiss, cradling Jensen's cheek with his free hand. "I'll do whatever you ask of me, Sir."

Moaning, Jensen pressed forward, kissing Jared with every pent up emotion inside him. He put his sandwich down, somewhere to the side, uncaring if every remaining bite went to waste. Jensen reached up and cupped Jared's cheek with his hand to mirror Jared's touch on his skin.

Jared groaned again and then pulled back with a little sigh. "Gonna make me forget everything but you, Jen," he whispered. "Even food. And I never forget food." He dimpled and kissed Jensen's mouth gently, licking at his lower lip.

"Want you to forget everything but me, Jay," Jensen said.

Jared smiled and carefully set aside his food, making sure it was well out of the way. "I can do that, Jen. Whenever you want." 

Embarrassed now that he had Jared's full gaze on him, Jensen dropped his eyes to stare at Jared's shoulder, while he traced his fingers up and down Jared's throat. He had meant what he said, but the true feeling of Jared's gaze left Jensen shaky, hot and feeling something he'd never felt before.

Jared chuckled huskily at Jensen's response to being the center of attention and leaned forward to kiss just above each lowered eye. "Who'd think my bold captain is so shy under scrutiny. I'm nothing to be afraid of, Jen. If anything, you should feel in control."

"I could hardly be in control when the feelings you stir in me send me out of control." Jensen shivered at Jared's touch, his fingers holding him closer and tighter.

"What, what do you feel?" Jared asked, Jensen's shiver making him feel bolder.

"Like you could burn me up from the inside out." Jensen lifted huge eyes to Jared. "You could do so much to me, Jay."

"Only good things," Jared promised. "Never could hurt you, Jen." He stroked Jensen's cheeks with both big hands and then pressed him to lie back on the blanket, kissing him as they sank down.

Jensen melted into the blanket Jared had brought with him, wrapping his arms tight around Jared and tugging him up and over Jensen's body while they kissed. He'd never imagined it could or would feel so good to have Jared's weight pressing into him, holding him into the ground and leaving him even more breathless than he was before.

Jared groaned softly as Jensen encouraged him to lie on top, so their bodied pressed together. He thrust a little against Jensen, feeling himself harden. "Oh. This feels amazing."

"It really, really does, Jay." Jensen wriggled slightly under him, arching up and rubbing his lower body against Jared's with a soft whoosh.

"Never been like this with anyone," Jared groaned. "No room in your little cabin. I want to get closer."

Jensen smiled, wrapping himself around Jared again. "Get as close as you want, Jay. We have all the room we need here...all the space and time alone together."

"So, does this mean we're skipping to the dessert then?" Jared asked with full dimples. He kissed Jensen and then covered his face and neck with kisses and soft nips.

"Oh yeah. The dessert has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now, Jay." Jensen chuckled and closed his eyes to sink into the way Jared was touching him.

"I've been thinking a lot about it, too," Jared admitted with a soft smile. "You make me happy. And being able to be this close to you makes me even happier."

"I wish we could have more than just these stolen moments off the sub," Jensen said. He tugged Jared down and kissed him sweetly.

Jared shut his eyes as they kissed and curled closer to Jensen. "Someday, we will, Jen."

Jensen smiled at the way Jared was so certain of that fact. "I want you to touch me, Jay."

"Should we- can we- I want to see all of you naked," Jared blurted and looked at Jensen hopefully. "And have you see all of me, too."

"You do?" Jensen asked, smiling shyly and nodding. "I'd like that too. The glimpse I saw of you before wasn't nearly enough."

Jared swallowed and then moved off Jensen, attacking his clothes before he chickened out. Tossing his shirt and then shoes to the side, he said, "I hope you like what you see."

Jensen swallowed hard, staring up at Jared while he stripped himself out of his shirt. "I can guarantee you that I do, Jay. You're gorgeous," he said, pushing up onto his elbows with a grin.

"Oh," Jared said, staring at the newly exposed skin of Jensen's chest. "So are you." He reached out to touch Jensen's skin and rubbed over his nipples.

"You like how I look?" Jensen blinked up at Jared with a grin.

"Yeah. You're like one of those art statues... Adonis or something."

Jensen shook his head slightly. "No, Jay. That would be you. All hard muscles and smooth skin."

Jared smiled and admitted, "I work hard to try to keep them, especially on the sub. And with the way I eat." He reached out, feigning confidence, and began to work the fastenings of Jensen's pants.

Shuddering out a breath, Jensen tilted his gaze down to where Jared undid his pants. He lifted his hips slightly to bump into Jared's fingers with a soft moan and a slight blush at his own audacity.

Jared chuckled and tugged Jensen's pants down his hips, leaving his briefs in place. "I'm glad to see you're eager," he confided softly. "I am, too." 

"It's good that we're both eager or this would be an incredibly awkward situation," Jensen said, lifting his hips so that Jared could pull the pants away. "Will you take off your clothes for me? I want to look at you in the sunshine."

Jared made hasty work of his own clothes, eyes on Jensen the whole time. When he reached his briefs, he paused, but then removed them, so Jensen could see how hard he was. "You do this to me."

Jensen pushed himself into a fully seated position and then reached out. He only hesitated once he was about to touch Jared. "May I?" he asked, eyes huge as they looked up at Jared.

"Please," Jared said and fell back on the blanket, splaying his legs wide to offer himself to Jensen. "Whatever you want to do to me."

Rolling onto his hip, Jensen reached out and stroked Jared's chest gently. He flicked his thumb over Jared's left nipple, before tweaking it and then moving to the right nipple. Jensen watched Jared's reaction, smiling slightly when he realized how much Jared seemed to like the touches.

Jared moaned and arched into Jensen’s hands. "Jensen... I've heard... your mouth... will you use your mouth?"

"I'll try," Jensen said. He'd heard things too, knew of men who talked of the prostitutes doing it. Leaning over Jared, Jensen dipped his head and flicked his tongue at one nipple, tasting the salty edge of Jared's skin.

Jared cried out like someone had shocked him with an electric rod and then bit down on his tongue, stunned by the response. He stared at Jensen with wide eyes and pressed up at him, eager for more.

Jensen lifted his head, concerned until he saw the look on Jared's face. "You like that," he said wonderingly, leaning down and licking the other nipple.

Jared sighed and gently cupped Jensen's head in his hands. "Yes," he moaned. "I like that a lot, Jen. Please, don't stop."

"Won't stop," Jensen said, going back to licking at Jared's nipples. He moved between the two, wanting to continue making Jared shake and cry out for him. 

Jared arched and moaned and cried out and thrashed under Jensen, as his nipples were treated to the first ravishing by a lover's touch. He felt himself grow impossibly hard and finally said, "Not gonna last much longer, Jen."

Jensen pulled back with a sigh. "I don't think you need to, Jay. We have all afternoon to be here." He leaned up and kissed Jared's lips. "Does my touch truly excite you that much?"

Jared panted and nodded, touching his swollen nipples with awe. "You make me burn all over, Jen. It's so good."

"I'm glad," Jensen said with a tiny grin, leaning back down and sucking on Jared's left nipple. He twirled his tongue over the hard nub, eyes closed to enjoy the way that Jared tasted, the way that he trembled.

"Jen!" Jared yelled and flushed with pleasure and shame as he came all over himself. He lasted only a moment, but felt like all the energy was drained from him.

Jensen pulled back once Jared had settled into the blanket again. He surged up and kissed Jared deeply, loving that he could cause such a reaction. "God, you're gorgeous, Jay." Jensen turned his head to look down Jared's chest, before reaching out and trailing his finger through a small pool of come.

Jared kissed back eagerly and then shivered as Jensen swiped his stomach. "Want to make you finish, too, Jen." He reached for Jensen’s hand and sucked the wetness off his finger.

"Oh christ," Jensen moaned, watching the way that Jared sucked his finger. "God, please."

"How? How should I touch you, Jen?" Jared asked, licking off the last traces of his come. 

Jensen reached out and took Jared's hand in his. He tangled their fingers together and tugged him until he was laying half on top of Jensen. "Any way you want, Jay."

Jared propped himself above Jensen, staring at him with wonder. "You want me on top of you?" he whispered, eyeing all of Jensen spread beneath him.

"I want you to touch me. I want you to figure out what makes me cry out like you did." Jensen stared up at Jared with huge eyes. "I have no idea what will do that and no idea what you'd like, but I tried."

"I'll try, too" Jared said, stung that Jensen thought he wouldn't. "I may not be experienced, but I'm not inconsiderate." 

Jensen stiffened under Jared, frowning. "I never said you were."

Jared blushed a little and soothed Jensen with soft strokes to his sides, before leaning down to kiss him. "Sorry," he whispered, "feeling kinda nervous and unskilled."

Wrapping his arms around Jared, Jensen held him tight and returned the kiss. "We're both unskilled, Jay. I've never been with a man and only once with a woman before... neither of us knows what we're doing here."

"I want to give you pleasure, Jen," Jared whispered. "Shall I try my hands and then my mouth... maybe?" He traced the contours of Jensen's chest and sides and over his hips with his fingers, trying to discover what pleased him.

"Oh yes, Jay," Jensen said, trembling under Jared's touches. "Please use your hands and your mouth."

Jared lowered his mouth and began to kiss softly along Jensen's neck. He trailed his tongue after sometimes and finally, as he neared the join of Jensen's neck and shoulder, he tried biting down, ever so carefully. His hands continued to explore Jensen's sides and chest, thumbs finding both nipples and swiping over them.

Jensen moaned softly at the tender way that Jared kissed and licked along his body, but when Jared bit down, Jensen jolted with a spark of intense pleasure. He cried out, body responding instantly to the nick of pain that bled into pleasure. Bringing one hand up, Jensen cradled Jared's head in that same spot. "Again," he asked, breathless from the addition of Jared toying with his nipples.

Jared smiled and pinched both of Jensen's nipples at the same time he bit down, hoping that might intensify the experience. "Like that?"

"Oh Christ!" Jensen yelled, body arching into Jared's touch. He felt his cock throb in time with the pulsing of his nipples. "I've never...I mean, god, Jay."

Jared mouthed over Jensen's collarbone and down to his right nipple, which was hard and pointed under his fingers. He licked over the mound, before cautiously applying some teeth.

Jensen shook under Jared's ministrations, his body arching into the teeth. He grappled at Jared's shoulders, digging in and moaning slightly. "Feels so good, Jay."

Jared tried more pressure, biting and tugging at the nipple, before instinctively suckling at the nub. He slid his hands lower along Jensen's sides and found the curve of his ass. He growled against Jensen's left nipple, as he lifted Jensen up enough to cradle the mounds of his cheeks in big hands. 

"Oh yeah, like that Jay," Jensen moaned, writhing in Jared's grasp. He was enflamed, body shaking from the pleasure of Jared touching him all over.

"'S not too much?" Jared asked, laving over one of the peaked nipples and exploring the wrinkled flesh by the bud with the tip of his tongue.

Jensen shook his head on the blanket, whipping it back and forth in answer to Jared's question, but also as a way to release just a bit of the pent up tension spiraling in his body.

Jared nipped at the bud again and tugged harder. He sucked hard for a moment and then trailed his teeth down the skin of Jensen's chest and abdomen to his navel. His tongue dipped curiously in the odd tasting hole and then he fitted his mouth over and nibbled.

"Jay," Jensen breathed, body moving from a fine tremble to an all-out shake.

Jared's chin slid down Jensen's flat abdomen as he worked and bumped into something hard and somewhat wet. He flinched and then realized it was Jensen's erection, weeping at the tip and looking to Jared like it demanded attention. So, after a gulp, he kissed the top.

Jensen arched up, crying out and grasping at the blanket. "Oh holy Christ, Jared. That feels so good."

Jared suppressed a yelp when Jensen suddenly thrust up at him and got a smear of fluid on his mouth and cheek. He licked them off tentatively and then asked, "Should I do that again?"

"God, please," Jensen begged, eyes huge as he propped himself up on his elbows.

Jared swallowed hard, eyes wide and bent down to kiss the tip again, before gently licking the area clean. He squeezed Jensen's ass without being aware of doing it and mouthed at the slit.

Jensen moaned, shaking under Jared's touch. "Oh god; oh god," he moaned, trapped in Jared's hands while he tried to deal with the sensations.

Jared pulled back, shaken by Jensen's reaction. "Is this bad?" he asked. "Am I doing it wrong?"

"No! God, no! Jay, it feels amazing." Jensen forced his eyes open and smiled.

"You taste good," Jared admitted shyly and fitted his mouth over the tip again. He sucked the same way he had at Jensen's nipples.

Jensen fell back onto the blanket, thrashing slightly while Jared teased him. He did his best to warn Jared, a choked out cry the best he could manage before he shook and came.

Jared did yelp this time and ended up with a mouthful and then a face full of Jensen's release. He stared at his lover, come dripping from his cheeks, nose and mouth, before smiling. "I did good."

Laughing hoarsely, Jensen scrubbed his hands ove his face. "Yeah, Jay. God," he said, finally forcing his eyes open and pushing himself up. Immediately, Jensen blushed a bright red and began to apologize to Jared. "I got it all over you. Oh god, Jared, I'm sorry."

Jared laughed and said, "Glad I brought some rags to use as napkins. Didn't think I'd get this on my face, though." He ducked his head and admitted, "Like it."

"You do?" Jensen asked, still mortified that he'd made such a mess on Jared.

Jared raised his eyes and smiled at Jensen. "You forgot even to be careful. I made you do that. And I feel like you marked me as yours."

Jensen blushed again, dipping his head. "You made me forget everything, but still, I made a mess of you." 

Jared wiped at a little come with a finger and then sucked it off. "It's not awful, Jen. I want you to let me do that to you."

"You do?" Jensen asked, still shocked that Jared wasn't upset with him.

"Only if it's all right with you," Jared said. "Never do anything you don't want, Jen."

"I want it... I want us both to try everything together," Jensen said, smiling shyly and stroking his finger over Jared's cheek.

Jared settled by Jensen's side and rubbed his flank with curious fingers. "Wonder if there's a safe way to find out what everything means." He trailed over Jensen's abdomen and into the hairs leading to his groin.

Jensen hummed at the gentle touches, turning to smile at Jared. He traced his finger over Jared's ear, down his cheek and then down his throat. "We could probably ask in one of the brothels, but I'd hate to think of someone from the crew, any crew, overhearing."

"There are others like us," Jared whispered. "I've heard the men speak of it sometimes, in hushed voices and with furtive glances. There must be a safe place we can go to ask." He pressed into Jensen's fingers.

"Others in our crew?" Jensen asked, eyebrows lifted in complete shock. "Truly?"

"I think so, but dare not ask," Jared confessed, hand now smoothing over Jensen's side and up to trace his nipples in lazy circles. "But with so many men in the war, it's not surprising that there should be others. Although, there are more who speak with violence.”

"That has been my experience, and I cannot risk that the men on the Bowfin might not serve under me should they find out." Jensen looked at Jared with pained eyes, wanting to be open with him, but needing to put the submarine and their mission first.

"I know. For however long we are together, I do not think we can ever reveal our relationship to anyone other than our most trusted friends and family. Perhaps not even some of them." Jared pressed a kiss to Jensen's neck. "And before we even consider that, I think we must be very much in love and determined never to part willingly."

Jensen nodded, glad to see that Jared understood, that he was on the same page as Jensen. "It's is something we must take very seriously. Something we both must be ready and willing to commit to before we tell anyone."

"I would never endanger my captain, who already means so much to me," Jared vowed. He placed his hand on Jensen's heart and smiled. 

Lifting his head, Jensen kissed Jared sweetly. "And I would never endanger my best Yeoman, the man who made me realize that I could feel."

"You never thought it would happen to you?" Jared asked, flicking his tongue over Jensen's lips. "You have such a big heart."

"And yet the woman I tried to love didn't return my feelings... nor did I really love her." Jensen opened his mouth to Jared's exploration, sighing when they slowly separated again. "I think I could love you, Jared."

Jared flushed at the words and ducked his head into Jensen's neck to hide. "Really?" he asked, muffled against the warmth of Jensen's neck. "I think the same of you."

Jensen sighed with happiness, arms tightening around Jared with a sense of wonder. "Yeah, I really think I could."  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared caressed Jensen's cheek and neck as they kissed, neither wanting to part for the evening. He slid his tongue over Jensen's, moaning softly. "Jen."

"Jay," Jensen breathed out, smiling when he pulled back slightly. He stroked both hands up and down Jared's side, thumbs rubbing little circles just over Jared's hipbones.

Jared nuzzled Jensen's cheeks and nipped lightly at his nose. "Have to go, Jen. I don't want to go."

Jensen sighed and kissed Jared again. "I don't want you to go, but it's been almost too long now." He brushed his lips over Jared's again and then forced himself to take a full step back.

Jared smiled a little at Jensen and headed for the flap, looking back only once to wave. He exited and startled slightly to find First Mate Kane right outside. Snapping off a smart salute, he went down the hall, heart pounding in his chest.

Chris called, "Permission to enter, Captain?"

Gaze snapping to the door, Jensen caught his breath in his throat and then forced himself to breathe out slowly. He took a quick look in the mirror, rubbed his hand down the front of his uniform and then took another slow breath. "Enter."

Chris came in and stopped a foot or so from the entrance. "You'll never get away with it, Sir."

"Get away with what, Kane?" Jensen asked, looking at Chris with a raised eyebrow.

Chris ducked his head and breathed out hard. "Sir, please, don't play games." 

Turning his head to the side, Jensen breathed out. "You can't say anything, Chris."

"You have to give him up," Chris said, "before you get caught by somebody who won't care about ruining your career. You're too important to be making such foolish choices, Sir."

"I can't give him up, Chris," Jensen said, staring at Chris with hollow eyes. "I love him."

"Fuck," Chris spat and shook his head. "I can't let you continue this, Sir. The welfare of the men is at stake, and I won't jeopardize that."

Jensen clenched his jaw, eyes going flat. "I'm not jeopardizing the crew, Kane."

"If anyone discovers this, I could be forced to remove you from duty for a variety of military infractions. I would have to court martial you," Chris said, shaking. "And that would jeopardize the mission and the crew."

Shaking, Jensen stared at Chris in shock. "You'd do that to me?" he asked, unbelieving.

"If someone else found out and had proof, what else could I do?" Chris asked. "I'd try my best to protect you, but I'd be endangering my own career, too."

"Of course," Jensen said, turning his back on Chris and hanging his head. Kane was correct, Jensen knew better.

Chris stared at Jensen's tense back and sighed. "He means that much to you, really? I mean... you love him?"

Jensen nodded, hand scratching at the back of his neck. "I do. I had no idea that I could love until he came along... had no idea that I might even love a man until him."

"It's been going on for months, hasn't it? You've been happier for that long." Chris rubbed his eyes. "You have to give him up."

"It's been a long time, Kane... yes." Jensen rubbed at his face with both hands and turned around to look at Chris, devastated, but resigned. "You're correct, of course. I have no choice."

Chris put a hand on Jensen's shoulder and said, "I'm sorry, Jensen. I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't completely necessary. I want you to know that I have nothing against it, myself, and don't think any less of you." 

Jensen nodded, head dropped forward while he fought back tears. He'd only just found happiness and love, but had to give it up in order to serve his country. 

Jensen's misery touched Chris, and he found his determination wavering. "You won't be much of a captain nursing a broken heart," he muttered.

"I shall do what I must, Kane. I have never shirked my duty to my men before and I shan't start now." Jensen straightened his back, rolling his shoulders and lifting his head. No one would ever know what the actions cost him.

"I know, Sir... but it's a lot harder to keep everyone alive when you're not feeling very enthusiastic about life yourself..." Chris looked into Jensen's determined face.

Jensen gave a curt nod of his head. "While I might not care for myself, the men under me matter more." He looked up at Chris, eyes hollow in their pain. "Else I'd never give him up."

"You'll have to tell him," Chris said, "or should I? Perhaps it would be best if you began arrangements to change Yeomans the next time we are in port."

"I'll tell him." Jensen glared at Chris. "I'm not changing out Yeomans in the midst of this tour, nor will I ask him to be reassigned unless he chooses, Kane. He's the best Yeoman this sub has had, and I won't lose a good sailor because of this."

"So long as he's onboard, there's always that temptation right there in front of you," Chris argued. "Besides, you don't know that he'll _want_ to stay once you've escorted him out of your life."

Jensen clenched his jaw. "If Jared would like to leave, I shall have him reassigned. But we both know that reassignment in the middle of a tour like this is a career death knell." He stared hard at Chris. "Do not ask that of me."

Chris swallowed, but asked, "Has he not brought it on himself, endangering your career? There will be no dark mark against being reassigned, nothing official that will tell against him. Merely the unanswered questions and suspicions of why."

"And we both know that unanswered questions and suspicions are more than enough to ruin a man," Jensen said. "And he didn't set out to endanger my career. If you must know, I was the one who could not resist him, Kane."

Chris took a step back and swallowed. "Does he return your feelings, Sir?"

Jensen nodded, body slumping in defeat. "He does, though he likely shall not once I put him away from me." Straightening up once more, Jensen blew out a deep breath, knowing he must do as Chris had recommended. "I shall speak with him in the morning, in an official capacity."

Chris nodded once and answered Jensen's stance. "For my part, Sir, I am sorry. I wish there was some other way. I do."

"As do I," Jensen said. "Now, I am assuming you headed here on business... what can I do?"

"No, Sir, I stopped here when I heard a bit of the conversation between yourself and Yeoman Padalecki. My only intent in coming here before that was to try and provide a bit of friendly companionship... I regret that I have failed in that aim."

Jensen shook his head ruefully. "There has been no failure in that. We have always been on friendly terms, though I shall likely need your friendly companionship more in the days to come."

Chris wondered where Yeoman Padalecki would go for comfort, but nodded once at Jensen. "I will do my best, Sir."  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared stepped into Jensen's small quarters for their nightly 'meeting,' heart in his throat. Jensen had been acting strangely all day, at turns distant and sad. He had not delivered any bad news to Jensen or the crew of late, nor could he think of any other reason for Jensen's behavior, so he was beyond nervous. "Good evening, Sir. I have the last reports for the day."

"Have a seat, Yeoman," Jensen said, looking briefly at Jared and willing his heart not to break. They'd conclude the day's business and then he'd tear the both apart by pushing Jared away from him. "Go ahead with the update."

Jared perched on his typical spot and said, "Nothing much new, Sir. The lines have been pretty quiet today, but there's been a little chatter about some sea battle we won. Things are on the hush hush, though, as usual. Most supplies are at their proper amounts given our current position. We will need to pick up some additional flour for the next route, as Mike has lost several bags worth. No news on the crew that needs reporting, Sir."

Jensen nodded. "Mike lost flour? As in lost in the kitchen, lost it to a food fight or was it spoiled?" He rarely ever questioned Jared quite so closely, but Jensen was putting off the inevitable.

"Uh, lost it by tripping over his own feet and dumping it on Seaman McGillervey's head, Sir," Jared said, amusement making his mouth twitch. "At least, one. The other was spoiled somehow. It got damp, I believe. Most unpleasant."

"Ah, yes, I can see how those would be losses," Jensen said, eyes twinkling before he shut down his emotions. "We have one more matter to discuss, Yeoman. It's one of grave importance." He ducked his head and took a shaky breath. "Kane knows."

Jared understood the implications in an instance, tying it neatly and horribly to Jensen's distance all day. "Will he report you, Sir?"

Jensen shook his head. "He has said that he will not. Kane does not care for his own account, but we cannot continue on. We cannot take the chance that someone else might discern our... relationship and feel they need to report it or take action against us."

All possible words jammed in Jared's throat behind a clog of tears. He pulled away from Jensen and ducked his head, managing a miserable nod. He had known that their relationship must end as soon as Jensen said Kane knew about them, but that didn't make it any easier to hear.

"If you want to be reassigned, I'll be happy to give you a recommendation and start the process." Jensen lifted his gaze to Jared's, sharing his misery at their situation. "I should be hard pressed to deal without you, but if you feel you must leave, I'll do what I can to get you a good placement."

"Yes. Yes, Sir, please find me another place, thank you," Jared said, voice wobbling. "I am sure you will find someone else for my position quite easily."

Jensen shook his head, throat constricting and voice clogging with emotion. "I shall never find someone to replace you. You have been a wonder for me and for the Bowfin, Jay." He closed his eyes, tears spilling over the edge at the idea of losing Jared altogether and cursed that Kane had come along when he had.

"Jen," Jared said. "Jen, please don't cry." His own tears fell from his eyes unnoticed. "I don't want you to cry."

Sniffling, Jensen wiped his cheeks and fought back the urge to let his emotions loose. "It is an untenable position for the both of us, Jared. I am sorry to have put you in a place where you have to leave the sub, leave our crew."

"I know you are, Sir," Jared said, aching to brush away Jensen's tears himself. "And I think you will be happier when I am gone... as I will be as well. At least we are out of danger then."

Jensen shook his head, looking away. He could never be happier with Jared out of his sight, with Jared potentially in harm's way and under someone else's command. "I shan't be happy until the war is over... until we are truly out of danger." Jensen wanted to ask Jared to wait for him, but couldn't bring himself to be that vulnerable when Jared seemed so ready to leave for another post.

"It will be most painful not to see you everyday," Jared admitted. "I will think of you all the time and wonder if you are well, pray that you are and hope you may be happy again. And I will hate myself for what I have done to you... and never look for love again. Not at this price."

"We both shall make the best we can of the situation. Please do not close yourself off, my Jared," Jensen said. "I wish you all the happiness in this life, for I love you and want to know you are well and happy."

"I love you, too, Jen," Jared said. "And I shall never love another." He stood and put on a brave smile for his captain, his heart. "I will serve out ‘til the end of our current mission, Sir. Please do not trouble yourself with me. When we return to San Francisco, you can request a new Yeoman... if that is convenient for you, Sir. I will remain faithful in my duties and serve you and the Bowfin to the best of my ability."

Jensen nodded, standing as well. "I shall be honored to have you stay aboard and have no doubt that you shall continue to be an outstanding part of our crew." He reached out for Jared, but dropped his hand to his side before making contact. "I will love you always, Jared, please know that."

Jared smiled weakly and said, "I will try to remember that, Sir, no matter what comes. And I am here for you, if ever you have a special need for your Yeoman... that will not endanger you."

"I appreciate that," Jensen said with a shy, sad smile. "And I am here, for you, as your captain if you should need me."

"Thank you, Sir," Jared said and wiped off a few more tears. "I'll see you in the morning."

Jensen nodded sadly at Jared. "Take care of yourself, Yeoman." He stood where he was, heart shattering at the thought of Jared walking out his door.

"And to you, Sir," Jared said and stiffly left the room. He looked toward the area of his bunk, where there would be dozens of chatty men and no privacy. Stumbling a few steps, he fell into the chair next to his tiny desk and buried his face in his hands, sobbing silently and hoping nobody noticed.

After Jared retreated, Jensen dropped onto the edge of his bed, feeling as though his entire life was in shambles around him. He caught his breath on a sob and wrapped his arms around his waist while he cried silently at losing Jared and the only love he'd known.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared stepped up to Captain Ackles and saluted smartly, keenly aware of First Mate Kane standing nearby. "Reports from command, Sir. There are a few casualties that affect the crew, I'm afraid. Several of them had friends on the USS Laboon, which took heavy damage in a battle. They just released the names."

Jensen sucked in a breath at Jared's words after saluting him back; he had friends on the Laboon. He nodded and then rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Let's go to your office, Yeoman, and we can go over the reports before informing the crew of the casualties."

Jared swallowed hard and nodded, turning to head for his tiny office. He forced himself to keep his head high and his shoulders squared until he squeezed into his office. "Here's the report, Sir." He handed it over.

"Thank you," Jensen said quietly, taking the report and reading over the list of his names. His heart clenched when he saw that his fellow commander, Benjamin Smith, was among the casualties. He said a quick prayer for his friend and then sighed quietly. "That's a long list, Yeoman. How do you think we should tell the men? Individually or gather them in smaller groups?" Jensen still trusted Jared's feelings since he was closer to the men than Jensen was.

"I think small groups may be the best way, Sir. You can gauge from there if any of the crew require a more private discussion." Jared stared at his hands, not wanting to look into Jensen's face and see nothing more than the look of a Captain for a crewmember.

Jensen nodded. "If you are up for it, I'll leave you to gather the men into those groups and then we can do the presentation of the news together." He fiddled with the pages of the report before handing it back to Jared.

"Uh, Sir, if I am not too bold, did you not have friends on the Laboon?" Jared asked, trying to keep his voice neutral. 

"I did. Captain Smith was in Officer's Training with me. He was a good man," Jensen added, a soft hitch to his voice. "His family will miss him dearly... as will anyone who knew him."

"I am sorry to hear that, Sir," Jared said, voice laced deep with sympathy. "If I may be so bold, might I suggest a small service to be held for all those who lost friends and family recently, including on the Laboon. All the men will appreciate it, and it would provide you for a way to properly mourn as well."

Jensen leaned against the doorway to Jared's cell of an office and nodded. "I think that is a fine idea, Yeoman." His eyes thanked Jared for his thoughtfulness, while he did his best to push his grief aside. "Would you mind organizing it for us?"

"I would be honored, Sir," Jared said, emotions clear in his eyes. "Would you like to invite anyone to speak or shall I extend an open invitation for anyone who wishes to say a few words?"

"I think an open invitation would be the best. It'll give the men who need it a voice for their grief." Jensen smiled at Jared, a hint of his former care slipping through. He ached to be able to lose himself in one of Jared's strong hugs.

Jared returned the smile and said, "I think you are right, Sir, as you usually are. I will make sure everyone is informed... we are going to restock very soon and should have enough flour and sugar to make a cake. If you ask Mike, perhaps he can make something for all to share. A proper wake, if you will."

Jensen smiled even wider at Jared. "I'll do that. You are a thoughtful man, Yeoman. I'm glad to have you as a member of our crew." He hoped the words said what he could not.

Jared ducked his head so Jensen could not see the tears that formed in his eyes. "Thank you, Sir. That means the world to me. You are the best captain a crewmember could ask for. I will be sorry to leave the Bowfin."

"I wish you did not have to go," Jensen responded softly, voice clogged with emotion. Clearing his throat, Jensen stood him straighter. "Any other news coming through I should know about now?"

"We should be able to get President Roosevelt's fireside chat tomorrow night," Jared said, "which always cheers the men and should be a good event around which to plan the memorial." He reached out for Jensen and then dropped his hand. "I wish I didn't either, Sir, but I do not wish to be a source of temptation for you. Or pain. Perhaps, in time, you can forget."

Jensen shook his head. Jared was both temptation and pain, but he wouldn't have it any other way. "I think that sounds like a perfect time for the memorial, and if you would take care of the details, I would greatly appreciate it." 

Jared smiled sadly at Jensen and said, "I would be happy to do so, Sir. I am sure the men will find the gesture on your part most thoughtful."

"Thank you," Jensen replied, aching to reach out and touch Jared.

Jared glanced around and then reached out to touch Jensen in an affectionate, but not overly so, gesture. "You're a good captain, Sir. This ceremony will only confirm that."

Jensen smiled, a wry twist to his mouth. He grasped Jared's hand for a brief moment, sliding his fingers over Jared's palm. "Thank you for saying so."

Jared's body shivered in want and love at the gentle touch, and his smile wobbled at the edges. "Jen," he whispered. "Jen, I hate this."

"Jay," Jensen breathed out, eyes filling with tears. "I hate it too, Jay. I-" he paused, looking around to be sure no one was near by "-I miss you so much."

"Jen, oh Jen, I didn't mean to make you cry," Jared whispered. "I never want to see you unhappy. I miss you, too. But I try to think of how happy we were, for what little time we had... it helps, sometimes."

Jensen nodded, sniffling back his tears and taking a huge breath. "Remembering the happiness you granted me is one of the things that gets me through the lonely evenings, Jay. I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me."

Jared nodded the touched Jensen's hand again. "We must be strong, Sir, for what else is there? But it's hard."

"There is nothing else to be done, but it is the hardest thing I have faced, Jared." Jensen bit his lower lip, took another quick look around. "Don't leave me," he said , though he felt wrong putting that on Jared.

Jared's eyes widened, and he whispered, "You wish me to stay on the Bowfin, Sir?"

"Yes, please," Jensen all but begged Jared. "I just... even if I cannot be with you, I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Jared hung his head and shut his eyes, trying to think clearly against the plea of the man he loved. But his heart refused to hear reason. "If it is your wish, sir, I shall remain on the Bowfin."

Jensen let out a shaky breath, his world slowly righting itself with the thought of having Jared close to him. "Only if it is what you want, too, my Jared."

Jared worried his lower lip and then nodded, heart thudding at Jensen's possessive 'my.' "I would hate to lose my place here, Sir, even though it is hard to see you everyday." 

"I should hate to have you gone from the Bowfin, from me, even though it is hard to see you every day as well." Jensen breathed out, tension seeping out of his body.

"What about Kane?" Jared asked. "He must expect me to leave."

Jensen shrugged. "He does, but I also told him that I would not have you reassigned unless you wanted to leave. If you choose not to go, I would never go back on that, and he knows it."

"You are good to protect me," Jared said and smiled a little at Jensen. "I will make sure you do not regret it and Kane has nothing to reproach you for."

"He already has much to reproach me for... he knows of my feelings and that is dangerous enough." Jensen looked around them before reaching out to stroke a finger down Jared's cheek.

Jared shivered and pressed a quick kiss to the tip of Jensen's finger. "He will never hurt you."

Jensen stroked his fingers over Jared's lip before reluctantly pulling back. "No, he will not, but it is still dangerous to have anyone knowing. I do not regret it, though."

Jared lowered his head and whispered, "Nor I... but you must go now. I shall arrange the service, exactly as you wish."

"Thank you, Yeoman." Jensen said. "See you later for the evening reports."

"Of course, Sir. I shall be there prompt on the hour." Jared stood to salute. "And thank you."

Jensen saluted back at Jared, turned and made his way back to the control room and conning tower.   
~~~~~~~~~~

Christian Kane watched the memorial service with hooded eyes and a slight frown. He knew the crew needed to mourn and agreed with Yeoman Padalecki's plan to help them, but worried that the younger man still held too much of a grip on his captain. He listened to Jensen's speech, knowing the words were his and well-thought out, but hearing the touch of his Yeoman here and there. 

"Remember them as they were, the men you knew, the men you trusted and remember that we are all here doing this for the same reasons." Jensen ended his speech with a glance around, smiling slightly at the crew, though it dimmed under Kane's watchful gaze.

Jared smiled as the men nodded and a few wiped away moisture from their eyes with rough swipes. He tipped his head to Jensen in a gesture of 'well done' and stood back to let the men walk up to shake hands with their captain and murmur thanks for letting them express their feelings and giving such a heartfelt eulogy for all those lost to war.

Jensen greeted each of his men in turn, shaking hands and offering sympathy to those in need. He smiled slightly at their well wishes and gratitude . He knew Jared was spot on in suggesting the small service. 

Chris stepped up to Jensen and offered his hand as well. "You did well, Sir. I notice you and the Yeoman conferring earlier. That was about this?"

Bristling under the question, Jensen pasted on his smile and nodded while he shook Chris' hand. "It was. He suggested we hold a memorial rather than tell the men individually about the losses. It seemed a good idea."

"So, he's staying then?" Chris asked. "I mean, you seem to rely on him as much as ever, Sir... professionally."

"He doesn't want to leave the Bowfin, Kane." Jensen flicked his gaze to Jared and then quickly back. "He doesn't want to leave, and I won't forcibly reassign him. We are working in perfect accord without distraction again."

"You are distracted," Chris said softly, "but it's not affecting your command yet. If it does... I will have to ask you to be rid of him."

Jensen narrowed his gaze on Kane. "I do not let anything affect my command, Kane, and it insults me, after all the years we have served together, to have you insinuate that something might."

"This is not just anything," Chris said in an equally low voice. "This is very different indeed, Captain."

"Regardless of what it might or might not be, I have never let anything interfere before and don't intend to start now." Jensen almost hissed the words, more wounded than he'd even let on by Kane's doubts.

Chris stepped back and nodded once. "Just a reminder, Sir, to be extra careful now. Thank you."

Jensen nodded curtly. "Please enjoy the cake Mike made and circulate among the men. They look up to you on this sub as a role model."

Chris just nodded and turned away, feeling the last as a stinging rebuke, as it was surely intended.

Jared approached Jensen, eyes lowered, as Chris left. "You did very well, Sir. The men will respect and admire you all the more."

"I can only thank you for the idea, Yeoman. Your hand was in this, as many noticed." Jensen smiled at Jared and then nudged him toward the galley. "Please enjoy the cake and see to it that Kane sees you circulating with the men. I need to go lie down for a bit."

Jared gave Jensen a concerned look, but nodded once. "Of course, Sir. I shall make sure he knows there is nothing to worry about."

Jensen smiled at Jared, grateful for his presence. "Thank you," he said, squeezing Jared's arm lightly and then moving away toward his quarters.  
~~~~~~~~~~ 

"I'm sorry, Sir," Jared sad miserably, staring at the report in his hands and wishing the floor would swallow him whole. "I made a few mistakes on the last report. We're actually in good shape with spare parts for the engines. It's the pumps Engineer Carlson was worried about, Sir. I don't know how I made that error."

Jensen raised an eyebrow, shocked at the errors Jared had been making of late and slowly beginning to wonder if Kane wasn't right about the distraction of them being near each other. He took the report and looked over the details, nodding and then turned and made a few notations of his own on his reports. "Okay, nothing that can't be fixed while we're still at sea." Jensen flicked his eyes up, worried gaze raking Jared's distraught face. "Are you okay, Yeoman?"

Jared shut his eyes against the sting of tears and said, "I don't know what's wrong with me, Sir. I think perhaps- perhaps you should consider relieving me of duty and asking for a new yeoman. I can't seem to do anything right of late."

"I don't want a new Yeoman, Padalecki." Jensen eyed him carefully. "What I want to know is what is wrong with my current Yeoman. Can't you tell me?"

Jared knew Lieutenant Commander Kane had been speaking behind his back to Jensen and had mentioned to him personally that he felt Jared's slipping performance suggested he needed to leave the Bowfin. He shifted from foot to foot, a miserable tear sliding down his face, before he pulled out a notice he had gotten almost a week ago now, announcing the death of his best friend, in far off Italy. Handing it to Jensen, he said, "I didn't want you to know, Sir."

Jensen took the notice and read it through, once and then a second time. He looked up at Jared with sadness and compassion in his eyes. "Oh, Jay," he breathed out, reaching out to grip his shoulder. Jensen made sure no one was about before he slid his hand up to cup Jared's cheek. "I'm so sorry. I know how much Matthew meant to you."

Jared turned his head into Jensen's hand and hiccupped a few sobs. "He was my best friend since I was little. I wanted to tell you so much," he said, "but I knew you'd risk everything to comfort me. And I wanted you to. But I started making mistakes... couldn't keep myself focused... I'm sorry, Jen."

"Jay, I never want you to feel like you can’t come to me," Jensen said, sad at the thought of Jared suffering alone. "Regardless of everything else, I'm the person you should go to when you need something." He stroked his thumb over Jared's cheek.

Jared's eyes overflowed, and he turned away to press his face into his hands, shoulders shaking as he cried. He swallowed the sounds of his sobs, ashamed at losing control in front of his captain. But the emotions of losing his lover and best friend would no longer be denied outlet.

Reaching out, Jensen pressed a hand to Jared's back between his shoulder blades, guiding him down the hall toward his quarters. He didn't care who saw, just wanting to spare Jared's pride. Once they were inside Jensen's quarters, he took Jared in his arms and held him tight.

Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen and cried even harder, body shaking with the effort. He hated losing control and hated even more endangering Jensen, but he needed the support of someone who cared about him right now.

"Shhhh," Jensen said, eyes closed and body wrapped tight around Jared's. He knew that Kane was right, that he would willingly jeopardize his position in order to care for Jared and bit his lip at the fleeting thought. 

Jared finally cried himself out on Jensen's shoulder and then lifted his head to gaze at him with red eyes. "I'm sorry," he said with a snuffle.

Jensen shook his head. "No, Jay. You have nothing to apologize for. I just wish I could have been there for you this whole week to support you."

"I'm sorry for my work," Jared said, hanging his head. "I should have let somebody else do it or go over it to be sure it was right. I made so many mistakes." He snuffled again.

"You can take some time to go back and look some things over and be sure they are okay... and if anything needs correcting or updating, you can bring it to me." Jensen smiled and tilted his head down to catch Jared's gaze. "You are still a good Yeoman, and I trust you to do your job."

"Matthew was a blow I wasn't expecting," Jared murmured. "I always knew it was possible, but he was so full of life. So happy about everything. The idea that he could die..."

Jensen sighed. "I understand, Jay. I do...every time we get reports in, I'm so afraid to hear that something's happened to Josh."

Jared sniffled again and wiped at his eyes. "Everybody is losing family and friends," he said, angry at himself, "I don't have the right to fall apart."

"Yes, you do," Jensen said. "Everyone falls apart, Jay. Everyone. And you haven't given yourself the time to work through it."

"There's no time, not here," Jared said. "Everyone on the sub relies on everyone else. Feelings have to be put to the side." He hitched a shaky breath. "I need to learn that."

Jensen shook his head. "Plenty of people have broken down, have taken time to mourn their losses. Don't deny yourself that chance."

Jared felt several more tears trickle down his cheeks. "Thank you, Jen," he whispered. "For being here for me."

"I'll be here for you any time you need, Jay." Jensen smiled and wiped his thumbs over the tears on Jared's cheeks. "Even if I didn't love you, I'd still be here for you." 

Jared smiled tremulously and nodded into Jensen's grip. "I love you for that, too, Jen," he whispered. "May I- may I talk to you tonight? About Matt?"

Jensen smiled, nodding at Jared. "Of course. I want you to come by like you used to... bring something to eat, maybe some hot cocoa, if Mike has any left, and we can talk about him, okay?" He rubbed Jared's arms and offered him what comfort he could in that moment.

Jared nodded and gently pressed a kiss to Jensen's forehead, shy and chaste. "Thank you, Sir," he said. "I promise to do better the rest of the day."

"Okay, you do that, and I'll make sure that the evening is clear." Jensen smiled and squeezed Jared's arms. "Just remember that I'm here for you, no matter what." 

"I'll be back before that with the evening report, Sir," Jared whispered. "I'll make sure they're right." He left Jensen's quarters, feeling easier than he had before and not noticing Chris glaring at his back.

Chris sauntered up to Jensen's quarters and knocked on the wall. "Permission to enter, Sir."

Jensen signed quietly and then straightened his shoulders. "Enter," he called out, bracing for battle.

Chris walked in and stood stiffly by the door. "That was not the look of a man who just received the rightful wrath of his captain for making too many mistakes."

"No, it was the look of a man who just sobbed his heart out over losing his best friend since childhood," Jensen countered, face impassive.

Chris frowned and rubbed his arms in a gesture of discomfort. "That's why his performance has gone downhill?"

Jensen nodded. "He had no one to tell, no one to talk to because he was too afraid to come to me in case it looked suspicious." He sighed, relaxing slightly. "I know you mean well, Kane, but if Jared can't come to me... if we completely change everything we do, that's going to be more of a problem. He's been hurting over the loss for a week."

"That's further proof he shouldn't be here," Chris argued. "If he cannot even trust himself enough to talk to you, he should not be a member of this crew. Captain, he is to blame for his own problems, whether you wish to accept that or not. I will file him on my report."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Commander." Jensen looked at him, gaze hard as steel. "The reason he didn't come talk to me was because you have basically scared him shitless. He thinks that everyone is going to see him even looking at me, or talking to me as proof that he's in love with me. It has nothing to do with trusting himself, and everything to do with fear of what you might say or do to either of us."

Chris' spine straightened as Jensen nailed him with a look he'd never seen on his Captain's face. "You're ordering me not to report a man who has been poor in his duties, Sir?" he asked.

“I am. The only reason he's not been up to par this week is because he had no outlet for his grief. You'd not hold that against any of the other men... you only want to hold him responsible because you don't approve." Jensen crossed his arms over his chest. "I've told Yeoman Padalecki that he has a chance to improve his performance, and I'll stick by that."

Chris nodded curtly. "I suppose an opportunity to improve his work is not beyond reason," he said. "But if his work does not improve, I will be writing him up, against your orders or not."

"And I'd expect you to if it doesn't improve." Jensen offered a small smile. "I do not want to be at odds with you. I like and respect you, both as a man and as an officer, but I think you judge both Padalecki and me more harshly than you need to."

"I think I have been more than fair," Chris countered. "I do not want to lose you, Captain, but I am not opposed to losing a mere Yeoman. I have protected him for your sake, not his."

Jensen looked away. "I am thinking about stepping down after this tour."

Chris let out a strangled noise and said, "You cannot do that, Sir. You are one of the finest submarine captains of the fleet. The war is not finished yet. It is your duty to remain, Sir."

"Not if I am a risk to the men in my command," Jensen countered, throwing Chris' words back at him. "I wouldn't leave until this tour was up...s o another good bit still." He shrugged. "But, I could teach others to command their own subs."

"And find a way to have Yeoman Padalecki help you?" Chris asked, acid in his tone.

Jensen shook his head. "No, he is well suited to being a Yeoman and has already expressed interest in working through the war."

"You would leave him behind," Chris said, obviously shocked. "Did you tell him that?"

"I have not discussed my personal life with Padalecki since they day I told him we must separate." Jensen smiled coldly. "That's what you expected, is it not? We've not had any moment to ourselves since you came to my quarters that day... aside from his little crying spell just now."

"If you say, Sir," Chris said with a scowl. "I do not believe you will let go of him so easily. I saw how he was with you."

Jensen sighed. "What choice do I have, Kane? You've made it perfectly clear that neither of us has a choice on the Bowfin. I refuse to be the reason that something bad happens to his career." He dropped his voice low before continuing, "I love him far too much to let that happen. Nor will I continue to stay where I would likely be more harm than good. If you cannot trust me, if you cannot believe in me, then the men will soon notice and follow your lead." 

Chris sighed and leaned against the wall, rubbing at his face with both hands. "Don't put this on me, Captain. You knew what you were getting into when you started the thing with Yeoman Padalecki. You knew what might happen if you got caught. You're still getting out easy." 

"Of course I knew the risks." Jensen shrugged. "I tried to talk myself out of it a few times. And I don't mean to put it all on you, Kane. Not at all, but the fact is that you are the only one who knows and if you even remotely think we're getting out easy, you haven't a clue." He shook his head, eyes sadder than before. 

Chris hissed and pushed away from the wall. "Are you asking me for something?"

"Not a thing," Jensen said, shaking his head. "I would never put you in a position to choose between duty and granting me a request. If you do not know that about my by now, then maybe you do not know me so well as you thought."

Chris frowned and turned away from Jensen. "That's why you're a good captain, Sir, even though it makes me angry at you sometimes. I guess we'll leave be then, for the moment, but I need to think now. If you leave the Bowfin, what does it all matter anyway?" 

Jensen shrugged. "It matters that you care enough to do your duty and to put the men ahead of all else. It puts you in a position to be great leader one day."

Chris sighed and nodded. "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. I appreciate your words. For what it's worth, I value you as the captain of this submarine. Whatever I have done, I have done to try and protect you and the Bowfin." 

"I know and admire those qualities in you, Kane. I trust you implicitly, and it gives me great relief to know that you are watching out for the men on board." Jensen smiled sadly. "I shall be happy to recommend you for command, when it is time for me to move on."

Chris squared his shoulders even more and said, "Thank you, Sir. I do appreciate that... even if you make me feel like a heel."

Jensen shook his head sadly. "I don't mean to do that either. Seems I cannot do much that is right with you."

Chris turned back and nodded once to Jensen. "I'll get over it, Sir. But I wish to ask you, straight out, please do not leave the Bowfin, Sir. We need you here." 

"Thank you for saying so. Leaving is my last choice, but we shall see what comes at the end of this tour." 

"Yes, Sir." Chris sighed and rubbed his eyes again. "I hope you decide to stay... with or without Yeoman Padalecki." He managed a tired smile and headed out of the room after a brief salute.

Jensen waited until Chris was gone before dropping onto the bed and letting his shoulders droop. He wished that Chris had never overheard the things he'd heard... he wished that he'd exhibited more restraint over his emotions. After indulging in a bit of self pity, Jensen straightened his shoulders and pushed back to his feet. He had a sub to run.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared returned later that evening, bearing coffee and troubles for his captain and hot cocoa for himself. He stopped and politely knocked, calling, "Yeoman Padalecki, Sir."

"Come in," Jensen called, scooting to the edge of his bunk and pushing to his feet. "Leave the curtain partially open, please," he said softly.

Jared froze and then nodded, keeping the curtain somewhat open. He set Jensen's coffee across from him and said, "I thought you might like some coffee, Sir." Not sitting down, he hovered at the entrance. "If you are busy, Sir, we can do this some other time."

Jensen shook his head. "Have a seat," he smiled and nodded toward the curtain. With a whisper, he added, "We'll leave it open for a bit to discuss some work and then we can close it before we talk about Matt...just like I would with anyone else. Okay?" Jensen hoped that Jared understood what he was trying to accomplish.

Jared nodded and perched on the seat furtherest from Jensen. "I hope you found the rest of my day's work satisfactory, Sir," he said in a loud voice.

"I did," Jensen said, smiling. He took the coffee and sipped at it. "Thank you for the coffee. You seem to have corrected the reports and there wasn't anything too far off base. What's the mood around the sub today?"

"The men are a little anxious, Sir," Jared said, lowering his voice again. "This part of the tour has been very quiet, and they can't help but feel that it's the quiet before some sort of storm. Not that they're worried about how we will come through it, Sir, especially not with you in command. Rather, it's hard to just wait."

Jensen acknowledged the sentiment, his own nerves taught from similar thoughts. "Perhaps we could organize a couple of shifts worth of a party. Does Mike have enough supplies to put together something special?" He loved being able to discuss such things with Jared, could readily admit that he'd missed even this closer part of their working relationship over the time they'd worked hard not to be alone.

"I believe so, but we should bring it up with sufficient time to spare to Mike. He gets very territorial about his kitchen." Jared offered Jensen a tired, shy smile. "I'll brave his wrath, if you wish."

"Please... he likes you more than anyone else on this sub." Jensen smiled, aching to reach out and touch Jared. "Anything else we need to speak about?" he asked, eyeing the curtain and nodding his head. Jensen hoped that Jared understood he was giving him permission to bring up Matt and to close the curtain.

Jared looked at the curtain and then back at Jensen. "Are you sure, Sir?" he asked softly.

Jensen nodded, smiling at Jared. "Absolutely. Any of my men can have the privacy of talking to me with that curtain closed."

Dropping his head to hide the hurt that crept into his expression, Jared reached behind him and closed the curtain. He was just one of any of the men now. That was the way it had to be. But suddenly his throat clogged up on him, and he couldn't speak.

"Come here, Jay," Jensen said quietly, standing and opening his arms.

Jared surged up and into Jensen's arms, holding him tight and burying his face in his shoulder again to cry quietly. He fisted both hands in the back of his uniform and clutched on for dear life.

Jensen stroked his hands up and down Jared's back, holding him in close and whispering soft words of love and encouragement in his ears. "It's okay, Jay. Let it out... cry for your friend."

Jared turned and nuzzled Jensen's ear and murmured, "It's so hard, having lost this and then him. May I- may I tell you about him a little?"

"You can tell me about him as much and as long as you want, Jay." Jensen nuzzled at Jared's cheek for an all too brief moment.

Jared sniffled and remained in Jensen's arms. "He was this little, chubby kid, who lived on my block. He used to come down with his mother, and we'd play in the backyard... all these games. And then we went to school together. Best friends all the way through."

Jensen rubbed Jared's back again. "How old were you when you met him?"

"Four." Jared smiled at Jensen. "I was a bit of a handful for my mother. She was glad for someone that I could play with. And then study with, too."

"I bet you were quite the rambunctious little kid." Jensen smiled back and then stepped a half step back so he could keep his gaze on Jared. "Tell me more about your friendship."

Jared sat down and pulled at Jensen to sit, too. "We were different. He was shy and bookish, and I was loud and not good at studying. I wanted to play sports, and he wanted to do well in class. So, we helped each other out."

Jensen smiled, wistful at the thought of a young Jared. "I bet you balanced each other out." He stroked a hand down Jared's arm and then settled on the edge of his bed.

Jared smiled and nodded. "When I was fifteen, I went to my first dance with a girl. Matt went with a girl, too. We ended up running off to hang out with the gang instead of dancing... was that an indication that I wasn't interested in girls?"

"Not necessarily. Sometimes it's the person you are with." Jensen shrugged and smiled ruefully. 

"Oh, I had friends who were girls," Jared said, "but never anyone I was interested in. It wasn't until I went to college that we went our separate ways. We had a horrible fight about it. He didn’t see why I wanted to go to college, but I wanted to get away from home, stretch my wings. It wasn’t the normal thing for boys like us to do, but I managed to scrape together the money. "

Jensen bit his lower lip. "Was Matt interested in girls?"

"Yeah," Jared said and another tear rolled down his cheek. "I don't know what Cindy will do without him. Their daughter, Cora, is just about five now.”

"You'll be there to help her out, Jared. I know you'll help make sure his widow and child never need for anything." Jensen reached out and brushed the tear away. 

"His family will be there for them, too, and hers," Jared said. He pressed into the gentle hand and caught it, holding Jensen's fingers lightly in his own. 

Jensen swallowed and said, “Tell me how you fixed the college disagreement with Matt."

"I'd never fought with him like that before. We said things the way you do in anger, things that hurt. We didn't speak for months. But then I broke my leg playing football and the next thing I know, he was at my college house, whacking me on the head and calling me an idiot."

Jensen chuckled. "Exactly the way that a good friend should.”

Jared nodded miserably. "It was like the fight had never happened. We just forgot all about it and were friends again. He met Cindy through me. She was one of the girls in the pep club for the football team."

"Ah, that bring it even closer to home. You were a unit before." Jensen bit his lip, not sure it was his place to ask. "What sent you on different military paths?"

"He gets- got seasick, and I always wanted to work on the sea. A submarine was a surprise, but worked out, too. I can't imagine how ill he must have been, going across the ocean to Europe." Another tear rolled down Jared's face.

Jensen gave up trying for professional detachment and pulled Jared into his arms. He wrapped him in close and rubbed at his back. "I’m so sorry for your loss, Jay. It's an all too familiar pain to all of us, but it never gets any easier."

"We promised each other we wouldn't do this, if one of us were killed," Jared said, throwing his arms around Jensen. "I'd never had a harder conversation than that one before. But I can't pretend not to feel this way... to be strong the way we said we would."

"Sometimes what seems like a good idea at one time is impossible in the actual moment." Jensen hugged him tighter. "You cannot pretend not to have loved him, to not have cherished his place in your life. And you're safe here to feel these things."

Jared nodded and buried his face in Jensen's shoulder. "We'd write each other all the time. I have a small pile of letters waiting to be mailed to him when we got back to Midway. What do I do with them now? And how can I read the ones I know will be waiting for me?"

"You’ll read them... and I'll sit with you if you want. Those letters are important. They’re the thoughts and feelings of your friend, a man who was living a life that he wanted to share with you." He pulled back and looked into Jared's eyes. "And if they’re appropriate, you’ll share your letters to him and his to you with his child some day."

Jared looked into Jensen's eyes through the haze in his own and said, "I can't believe I'll never see him again. Or hear his voice. It doesn't seem possible, especially out here, so far away from home. How can you get over that kind of loss without any closure?"

"It's not easy and it takes a long time, Jay. I won't lie about that, but when you go home, you can talk to his parents, his widow... you can honor and remember him." Jensen stroked Jared's arms, offering silent comfort.

"I'll try, Jen," Jared said, "to remember that when I feel too low. I wish I could be there for his service, though."

Jensen nodded, understanding completely. He knew there was nothing he could say that would fix that part of it, so Jensen simply hugged him again and rubbed his back. "Anything else you want to tell me about him?"

"He and you are nothing alike," Jared confided with a little smile. "I think you would’ve gotten along, though." He touched his lips to Jensen's cheek in a gentle kiss of thanks.

"I wish I could have met him," Jensen said, eyes closing from the kiss before he pulled back and tried to rein in his emotions. Voice choked up, Jensen whispered. "I wish we could have known each other under different circumstances, my Jared."

"What circumstances, Jen?" Jared asked, voice just as soft. "Where is there ever going to be a place for us?"

Jensen shook his head. "I don't know, but I wish we could have met in a place with less scrutiny. You are all I want." He took a deep breath and let it out. "I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say such things to you, not when we’re in this situation. Please accept my apology."

"Jen-, Sir, I need no apology," Jared said. "It is I who owe you one, and thanks besides, for putting up with me in my misery and not reporting me for my mistakes. And I do thank you. With everything I am... I love you."

"We’re a sad pair," Jensen said with a wry grin. "May I beg something of you?"

Jared wiped away the remaining tears in his eyes, mouth twitching at the smile on Jensen's face. "Of course."

Jensen bit his lower lip, hating himself for his weakness and for possibly causing Jared pain. "Will you kiss me again? Just once?"

Jared fell to his knees, wrapped a hand around the back of Jensen's head and kissed him with all his heart. He cared not in that moment if the whole world should pour in the door. He wanted and needed Jensen's kiss, more than anything else.

Returning the kiss, Jensen clung to Jared for the moment and lost himself in the sensation. He finally pulled back with a quiet little sob. "Thank you. God, I've missed you."

Jared peppered his face with kisses and whispered, "Jensen, when we get back to San Francisco... it isn't that long now... may we- spend some time together? Alone? We'll have some leave owed us. Please, Jen."

Jensen swallowed hard and nodded. "Yes, yes of course. Until then we have to hide this away. Kane is getting more and more aggravated, and I won't allow him to hurt us."

"Yes, Jensen, I know," Jared said and hung his head. "I'll keep my distance, Sir, and be a proper crewmember."

"I love you," Jensen said. "Keep that close to your heart."

"It will warm me through the coldest periods, Sir," Jared promised and raised his eyes to Jensen. "Will it do the same for you?"

Jensen nodded. "Absolutely." He cleared his throat, stood and straightened his uniform. "Are you ready to play your part?"

Jared stood and held his eyes, before nodding once. "Yes, Sir. I am your Yeoman, Sir, and nothing more."

"Good," Jensen smiled and then squeezed his arm. He walked Jared to the door, opened the curtain and let him step out. "Thank you for the day's reports, Padalecki. I'm very sorry for your loss. Let me know if I can do anything." 

Jared saluted and said, "Thank you, Sir. I appreciate your time and your ear. I do feel better."

Jensen smiled again. "Glad to hear it. Please enjoy your downtime tonight, and I'll see you in your office come morning." He patted Jared on the shoulder and then turned back toward the officer’s mess, settling in at the table of men with a smile. Bound and determined to make everything with Jared work, Jensen knew he had to get back into his old routines again.  
~~~~~~~

Jared stepped off the submarine, duffle tossed over one shoulder and breathed deep of the fresh air. Smiling as some of his crewmates hopped off, all heading in the direction of bars and women, he turned the other way and walked slowly along the wharves. The end of their tour had been uneventful, until Jared wanted nothing more for it to just end, so he could escape from the cruel banality of being merely a Yeoman to the man he loved. His feelings, which had been murky in the haze of newness and lust that had first cloaked their relationship, had come sharply into focus in the last weeks. He loved Jensen and wanted nothing more than to settle near him and stay there always.

Jensen said goodbye to Kane with a smile and a 'see you in two weeks' before he turned and headed in the opposite direction than Jared took. He headed into town on his own, smiling to himself at the thought of Jared meeting him later, so they could spend their shore leave together. There was so much they needed to talk about and many things that Jensen wanted to try, before they had to tuck their love for each other away again.

Jared wandered for the majority of the day and finally found himself in front of a pleasant hotel not commonly used by sailors. He checked in under his own name and went right to the room, wondering when and if, Jensen would contact him there.

Waiting until he knew that most of the crew would be balls deep in women or buried under drink, Jensen lifted the phone from it's cradle and dialed the phone number of the hotel he'd suggested Jared use. After asking for Jared Padalecki’s room, he held his breath and waited for Jared to pick up on the other end.

Jared answered in a breathless voice. "Hello?"

"Jared?" Jensen asked quietly. "It's me." He bit at the edge of his thumbnail and closed his eyes to pretend that Jared was already next to him.

"Jen," Jared breathed and made a soft noise of happiness. "I'm in room 212, Jen. Please... I need you here now."

"I'll be right there, Jared." Jensen smiled. "I can’t wait to see you."

"I'm ready, Jen," Jared said. "Ordered us dinner and have the stuff... you know." He blushed, even though Jensen couldn’t see him over the phone.

Jensen blushed, too, the thought of being together with Jared again slightly overwhelming. "I’ll be right there. See you soon, Jared," Jensen said, hanging up the phone and scrubbing his hands on his thighs.

Jared gulped and tidied up the room again, trying to make the bed and food look appealing. He was nervous and paced the room while he waited for Jensen. He paced himself into a near panic as he waited for Jensen, wondering how long it would take, hoping he liked the food, wondering if he'd gone too far by getting champagne. He was so frazzled that he felt like throwing up.

Jensen took a deep breath, knocking on Jared’s door. Crossing the city as quickly as possible to get to Jared, Jensen now stood in front of the hotel, building up his courage. He forced himself to go in and started up the elevator. In a moment, he stood in front of Jared’s door, hand already knocking.

Jared threw open the door, face smoothing out and nerves calming into joy as he found Jensen waiting there. He stepped aside to let him in, shut the door to give them privacy and then swept Jensen into a fierce hug. "Jen."

Dropping his suitcase, Jensen wrapped himself around Jared and clung tightly. "Jay," he breathed.

"Jen," Jared said again, before covering his face in kisses. He clutched him tight and kissed him, tongue deep in his mouth. "Missed you."

"Missed you too. Couldn't wait to pull into port." Jensen wrapped both arms around Jared and sucked lightly on his tongue.

Jared kissed back until he could no longer breathe and then pulled back, head light. "I have dinner waiting for us, Jen."

"You’re thoughtful, Jared," Jensen said with a smile, leaning back slightly to beam into Jared's open gaze.

Jared ducked his head and smiled, shy and happy, at Jensen's praise. "I wanted this to be perfect for you... us."

Jensen smiled, reaching out and cupping Jared's cheek. "It is, and you are perfect for me." He tugged Jared into a light and easy kiss.

"I wish I were a woman, so I might be perfect for you," Jared said and then flushed in complete embarrassment at the words. "I mean- so we would not have to pretend. So you could have me on your arm in public."

"But a woman could not interest me the way you do, my Jared." Jensen smiled and kissed Jared easily. "You are perfect for me because of who you are, just as you are."

"I know, but I make your life hard. I could lose you everything." Jared led Jensen to the table and indicated his seat.

"The same is true for you, my Jared." Jensen sat down and reached out to tangle his fingers with Jared.

"But I’m a mere Yeoman," Jared said, holding Jensen's hand gently. "You’re a captain and a rising star in the navy. I have no right to endanger that, but the thought of losing you makes me want to crawl into a hole and die."

Jensen shook his head. "You have as much a chance at a bright career as I do, my Jared, and I have no right to endanger that either." Jensen smiled sadly. "I’m not certain that I deserve the title of rising star... or certain that I’m as good a leader of men as I had once hoped."

"Why do you say that?" Jared asked, lifting the silver cover off each of their plates to reveal a veritable feast for wartime. "I managed to get a little meat. Nothing special, but not bad."

"It looks fantastic, Jared." Jensen shook his head and thought of the best way to explain himself. "I find it hard to distance myself and maintain a certain amount of professionalism. That connection served me well before, but I am not sure it will continue to do so."

"That is my fault," Jared said softly. "Before me, that was not a problem."

"You are not to blame, Jared." Jensen smiled at him, tugging his hand to his lips and kissing the back of Jared's fingers. "Please do not think it is your fault." 

Jared sighed and stroked Jensen's cheek with gentle fingers. "Jensen, you are so kind to me. I love how gentle you are with me."

Jensen tipped his cheek into Jared's touch. "You let me just be me."

"I do not know how to do anything else," Jared breathed and then smiled. "We should eat before things get cold. Want some champagne?"

"You bought us champagne?" Jensen asked, cheeks going pink with delight that Jared wanted to celebrate them.

Jared flushed with delight at Jensen's happiness and then stood and carefully opened the bottle, watching the top blow off. He carefully poured each of them a glass and then lifted his in toast. "To my Jensen."

"And to my Jared," Jensen added, clinking their glasses and sipping at the special drink. The bubbles tickled at his nose, and he smiled shyly at Jared.

Jared laughed as he set down his glass. "I've never had champagne before. It's good."

Jensen grinned. "Yeah, I had it when my older brother got married, but that’s the only time." He stretched his legs out until he could touch Jared with his feet.

Jared sipped some more and then set the glass down. "I'm not very good at romance. I want to do this right, now that we have a little time to be together."

"I’m not good either, but we shall do this best together." Jensen reached across the table to twine their fingers.

Jared squeezed Jensen's fingers gently and then started to eat, leaving one pair of hands linked. "I think you're doing well so far."

Jensen smiled, tasting his food and squeezing their fingers together gently. "We're doing well."

Jared ducked his head and blushed. "We can go out like friends for the week? Look at things like tourists?"

"Anything you want," Jensen nodded, stroking his fingers over Jared's hand... and come back at night to be together."

"Fill our days with each other, so that when we're not allowed to be together on duty, we shall have memories to live on." Jared smiled and lifted Jensen's hand to kiss each fingertip.

Jensen shivered when Jared's lips touched his fingers. "Precisely. Memories that no one can take from us."

Jared hummed a little of the song, "They Can't Take That Away From Me," and then smiled shyly at Jensen. "It's too soon to think of forevers, but with you, I want to."

"You do?" Jensen asked, pleasantly surprised.

"Yes," Jared said. "You don't?"

"I do." Jensen blushed. "I was not certain you did."

"Well, it is very soon," Jared said, "and you don’t know me very well."

Jensen smiled. "And you do not know me very well either." He stroked their fingers together again. "But I hope we shall change that."

"Yes, there is so much I want to ask you and tell you about." Jared rubbed his fingers over Jensen's hand. "Do you want to stay in the Navy, after the war?"

"No," Jensen said, shaking his head. "I never planned to, but I know now that I definitely do not."

"What have you always wanted to do?" Jared asked. "What were you in civilian life?"

Jensen chuckled. "I had not had time to be anything before I was pulled into serving for the war. I don't know what I'd like to do."

"You have no idea what you want?" Jared asked. "I want to run a bookshop. Nothing fancy. Just a little place people can come and read." 

"A bookshop? What makes you want that?" Jensen asked with a smile, detangling their fingers so that he could cut into the meat that Jared had procured for them.

Jared bit his lower lip as he considered his answer. "I guess I always found a way to get lost in stories when I was younger. I loved what there was in the pages of a book that helped me escape, no matter what was going on. I want to share that with other people... and help them learn about things they may never have thought about before."

Jensen smiled, falling a little bit more in love with Jared at every turn. "I think that's wonderful, Jared. And I think you'd be great at it." He looked down at his plate of food, pushing a piece of the meat around before forking it into his mouth and chewing it thoughtfully. "I used to want to be a teacher, but once the war started and I enlisted to help out... those dreams mostly disappeared."

"Why couldn't you be a teacher after?" Jared asked, sad that Jensen might have given up on his dreams. "I think you'd be a great teacher. The men on the sub look up to you... I don't think kids would be any different."

"It's not that, but teaching takes school and extra time, and I'm not certain what the future shall hold when I leave the Navy." Jensen smiled shyly. "I try not to think too far ahead, not with all of the things we face on a regular basis."

"I understand," Jared said. "It's hard if you think that you may not survive for long... but I like to plan and believe that I will."

Jensen smiled at Jared. "That is one of the things I love about you... your eternal optimism and the way you see beauty in everything."

"I cannot do anything other than believe that will we win this mess of a war," Jared said softly. "To believe anything else would kill me. And I know that people will die... people I care about... but I want to hope and believe that most will be all right. You most of all."

"Thank you. I'm honored by that... more than you know." Jensen smiled again, ducking his head shyly before looking at Jared. "I want to be able to bring you safely to a home to our country... and maybe to a life together."

"Maybe?" Jared asked. "Not sure about us yet? I mean, you don't have to be, it's early... and things are complicated and-" He cut himself off and bit his lower lip, looking slightly scared.

Jensen shook his head. "I’m certain about wanting to be with you, but living life together will not be easy. I would not presume to expect you to want that kind of life."

Jared touched the back of Jensen's hand and stroked gently. "You may presume, Jen, that I want to find a way to be with you."

"I'm glad," Jensen said softly, beaming at Jared.

Jared flushed with pleasure and hid it behind several bites of food. "We can find somewhere that nobody knows us," he said. "A place we can live together."

Jensen nodded. "We’ll always have to be careful of our behavior. Are you certain you want to tie yourself to a life with me in those circumstances?"

"I can’t imagine giving you up now, despite the difficulties. I was afraid, after Chris found out, that you’d push me away forever. And then I wanted to leave, because it hurt too much to be near you and not have you want me." Jared smiled sadly at Jensen.

"Once Chris found out, I saw no way to keep you close. He’s watched every move, every single thing I’ve done since, and the last thing I wanted was to do anything that could hurt your career or reputation." Jensen smiled sadly, knowing that nothing much would change once they were back aboard the submarine.

"Yes, I know that now, and I understand his actions and yours. You have been endlessly good to me, Jen. I will not forget again." Jared poured them each some more champagne. "I go to bed at night with your name on my lips."

Jensen grinned wickedly. "And I with yours... though you could be in more trouble than I since you sleep in the common room."

"I say it silently," Jared said, smiling at the idea of Jensen speaking his name, "and avoid the urge pleasure myself when I do."

"That is a good thing, though if you called out for Jen, most of the men would think you have a lady back home." Jensen smiled shyly, not really encouraging Jared to do something he should not, but loving the idea that he might cry out Jensen's name in pleasure.

Jared blushed and then ducked his head. "Would you like to see me? Stroke myself with your name on my lips, I mean?"

Jensen matched Jared blush for blush, but nodded his head fervently. "I would. I want to see how you touch yourself... to hear you call for me."

"Tonight?" Jared asked. "Amongst our other... lovemaking?"

"Yes, I'd like that," Jensen said. "I could do the same for you," he offered.

"Oh yes," Jared said. "We could lay together and pleasure ourselves."

Jensen smiled, putting his fork down. "Dinner is delicious, but I find that I am not hungry right now."

Jared flushed and nodded eagerly. "I cannot even think of my food, which is shameful to say. All I want is you, my Jen. Just you."

"Oh thank goodness, I feel the same. I just... I feel like we've been apart for so long." Jensen stood from the table and rounded to Jared, trying to pull him up out of his seat.

Jared climbed to his feet, laughing at Jensen's urgent attempts to get him up. He pulled him into a kiss, still laughing. That their love could be joyful, could make them laugh, gave him hope for its future.

Jensen wrapped Jared in his arms, returning his kisses fiercely. "I love you, Jared. I am so glad we are here together." He nibbled at Jared's lower lip and hugged him tight.

Jared kissed him back just as intensely and then moved toward the bed. "I got us something large... a change from the way we usually sleep."

"I like that idea. I've wanted that so much, wanted to curl around you." Jensen smiled and wrapped himself tighter around Jared and let Jared guide him where he wanted.

Jared let himself fall back on the bed and pulled Jensen over him. "Want you so much," he whispered and stroked over his body, through his clothes.

Jensen landed lightly on top of Jared, legs spreading instinctively to bring them closer. He moaned, arching into Jared's hands and rocking their hips together with a tiny whimper. "Want you too. It's been torture being unable to touch you."

Jared pressed up into the hard line at Jensen's groin, moaning softly with each thrust. He grasped Jensen's ass in both hands and used that to pull them even closer together. "Jen, I want to have you inside me."

"Are you certain, my Jared?" Jensen asked, though he wanted to feel Jared clenching tight around him.

"I even bought something to use," Jared confessed, blushing darkly. "I want you that much, Jen, that I went to one of those stores... you know... and got something they said would help. Course, I told them it was for use with my girl cause I'm kinda big..." He was practically beet-colored before he got all the words out, but was proud, too.

Jensen blushed, smiling brightly at Jared. "You did? You went for us?" He felt his heart stutter at the idea of Jared wanting to do this with him so much that he actually went shopping for something to help.

Jared nodded, dimples deep in his cheeks, and kissed Jensen sweetly. "I want to know everything with you, Jen. All aspects of life that lovers should share."

"I've heard," Jensen whispered, "of men like us living here in this city. With stores and books and all manner of things." He leaned down and kissed Jared. "Perhaps we could explore together."

Jared ducked his head into Jensen's neck and nodded. "In big cities, there are places people like us can go and be accepted. If we are careful."

Jensen rubbed their cheeks together with a happy sigh. "Good, but that's for later." He nuzzled at Jared's cheek and then kissed him gently.

"Yes, later," Jared said. "Lovemaking for now." He slipped his hands under Jensen's tunic and rubbed at his back.

Arching into Jared's body, Jensen rocked his hips and brought one hand down to tease at the edge of Jared's shirt. He slid his fingers beneath the fabric and stroked the warm skin.

Jared arched and then frantically began to tear at Jensen's shirt. "Off. Want to see you, Jen, feel your skin under my hands again. Please."

Jensen kissed Jared and then slid back and off the bed. "You too, Jay. Come on." He stripped out of all of his clothes, momentarily forgetting to be shy in the face of getting naked with Jared after so long.

Jared stared at Jensen in open awe for a long moment, before he pulled himself together enough to start stripping. "You're amazing, Jen," he breathed, getting distracted again by his lover and reaching out to touch and caress.

Once all of his clothes were on the floor, Jensen reached out and started tugging Jared's up and away. "Off, Jay... want you naked." He stroked at Jared's chest and then started to fumble with Jared's trousers.

Jared laughed as he nearly fell over his trousers and then wrestled playfully with Jensen. They fell on the bed, and Jared's laughter morphed into a long moan as their cocks brushed together. "Oh. Oh fuck, Jen."

"Jesus," Jensen moaned, arching against Jared. "Fuck, so good, Jay." He rocked his hips, rutting into the groove of Jared's hipbone.

Jared pulled and tugged at Jensen until they could rub against each other effectively. He wrapped a big hand around their cocks and stroked them together, making louder noises with each pass. "Nnngh, god, Jen."

"Jay, your hand, god, love the way you touch me," Jensen released a shaky breath, shuddering while he clung to Jared shoulders.

"Feel so good in my hand, Jen," Jared murmured and kissed his face all over. He rubbed his free hand over Jensen's ass and between the cheeks. 

Jensen rocked against Jared's body, pushing his cock through Jared's hand and then back into his fingers. "Your touch makes me go out of my mind."

Jared rubbed his fingers through the pre-cum on the tip of Jensen's cock and then lifted his hand free to lick at them. "Mmm. Love your taste. Want more."

"You like how I taste?" Jensen asked, reaching down to swipe his thumb over the top of Jared's cock. He brought it to his mouth and sucked on the wetness.

Jared flushed as Jensen tasted his flavor. "Do you like it?" he asked. 

Jensen nodded shyly. "Yes, please. I remember your taste from Midway... I've never been able to get it off my mind."

"Oh," Jared said, pleased with the words. "You do? I mean... I do, too!"

Chuckling, Jensen lifted one hand to Jared's face and pulled him in for a kiss. "I want everything with you."

Jared laughed with him and deepened the kiss, tongue stabbing in and out. He traced Jensen's cheek and smiled at him. "How should we go on?"

"What do you want to do?" Jensen asked. "There's so much, but we have days and nights ahead."

Jared laughed and said, "I want us to release together, with hands and tongues and everything."

"Okay," Jensen leaned in and kissed Jared. "How do we do this together then?"

"Hands and rubbing?" Jared asked, eyes wide and hopeful. "Just make it work?" He laughed a little more, delighted that sex with Jensen could be fun.

Jensen nodded, laughing too. "Okay, we can do whatever." He reached down and wrapped his fist around Jared's cock, stroking him slow and unsure.

Jared reached for Jensen and repeated his actions. "Together?" he whispered. "Work together?"

"Okay, we can try," Jensen said, stroking Jared's cock and lifting his head for a kiss. 

Jared mimicked Jensen's actions, trying to get him to understand what Jared wanted to do. He kissed his mouth and then trailed more kisses over his face and down his neck. "Do the same, Jen," he murmured. "Same to me."

Jensen smiled, twisting his hand slightly and trying to follow Jared's movements. "Like this?" he asked.

"Mmmmmmmhmmm," Jared hummed and bucked into the touch. "Yeah." He pressed sloppy kisses all over Jensen's face and neck, even as he tried to stroke harder and faster.

"So good," Jensen breathed, rhythm faltering when Jared upped his pace. He was unused to the feeling, but loved the way Jared touched him.

Jared put a hand on Jensen's hips to feel them stutter as he touched him. "You're so... perfect," he breathed. "Can't believe you let me touch you."

Jensen flushed bright red. "You're perfect, Jay. So kind and giving, and god, fuck, your hands are magic on me."

Jared laughed again and pressed his other hand to Jensen's chest, reaching up to tweak, pull and rub his nipples. "Want to use my mouth on you, too. Spread you over the bed like a feast and just lick, suck and bite all over your body."

"God, Jay. I want that too, want to taste you and touch you all over." Jensen writhed under Jared's hands, nipples peaking and aching.

Jensen's nipples distracted Jared, so he leaned forward and began to suck the small right nub in his mouth. His tongue flicked over the very tip multiple times, while his hands imitated the move on Jensen's cock.

Jensen moaned, his ability to do two things at once immediately halting. He cried out, arching under Jared's touch and panting at the intense sensations coursing through him.

Jared pulled back, startled by Jensen's reaction and then smiled. He eased him back on the bed and lowered his head to pay full attention to his chest. Sucking the left nipple in his mouth, he made a more focused, intense attempt to please his lover.

Crying out again, Jensen threaded his hands into Jared's hair and held him pressed to his chest. He writhed on the mattress, the teasing a shocking reminder of what Jared had discovered during their stolen moments on Midway. Jensen rocked his hips into Jared's body, clutching at his hair. "God, Jay... oh god!"

Jared smiled and managed to move his head to the other nipple despite Jensen's grip. He laved carefully at the nub and then ran the edges of his teeth over the sides. Finally, he sealed his mouth again and sucked forcefully.

Completely unprepared for the flood of sensations, Jensen's body bowed. His hips thrust into Jared's chest and stomach, cock rubbing against the hard muscles. Jensen cried out and came.

Jared smiled around Jensen's nipple and parted from his chest with a little chuckle. "You made a mess." He trailed his fingers over his chest, spread them over Jensen's lips and then kissed his mouth clean.

Jensen returned the kiss, only breaking away to breathe deeply. "I think you killed me," he said, laughing softly.

"Well, I hope not," Jared said with a gentle kiss to Jensen's nose. "That would be a tragedy." He cradled Jensen closely and rubbed all over his chest.

"It would, since I have not been able to enjoy you tonight," Jensen said, grinning and rubbing his face against Jared's.

"Your turn?" Jared asked and rolled on his back. He pulled Jensen on top of him and kissed his nose.

Jensen grinned. "Is it? I like that idea," he said with a grin before kissing Jared. Jensen slid down Jared's body, placing kisses and nips on his skin until he was level with Jared's cock. Reaching out, Jensen curled his fist around it, stroking and watching Jared's face while he did.

Jared arched and pressed into Jensen's touch, moaning loudly and glad for the freedom to do so. "Jen. Want everything with you. Please."

"Everything," Jensen whispered before leaning down and flicking his tongue out to taste Jared's length. He pulled back and looked at the shiny line of wetness for a moment before dipping his head and licking a long stripe from the base to the tip.

Jared grasped the bed and made everything creak as he arched into teasing tongue. "Jen. Jen, what-"

Not saying a word, Jensen continued to lick at Jared's cock much like he would a lollipop or an ice cream. He hummed softly when he saw the moisture beading at the tip, flicking his tongue out to taste the saltiness before pressing a kiss to the tip of Jared's cock.

Jared pressed up before he could help himself and then said, "Sorry. Sorry." He forced his hips to keep still and stroked Jensen's face with gentle fingers. "Jen."

"It's okay, Jay. I want you to let go... do whatever feels good," Jensen said, before licking at the new drop of moisture on Jared's cock. "Do you like this?"

"Yeah," Jared breathed on a long exhale. "Fucking love it, Jen. Your mouth... on me like that." His cock leaked a little more in appreciation.

Jensen chuckled, sliding his tongue into the slit before putting the head in his mouth and suckling it. He closed his eyes, humming softly at the taste and feel of Jared on his tongue.

Jared groaned and thrust a little into the warm, suckling mouth. "Oh. Oh, Jen. Please. More?"

Unable to respond, Jensen suckled more and then slid his head further down onto Jared's cock. He flicked his tongue under the head and then swirled it over the top before he had to pull back for a short breath.

Jared rubbed his hands all over Jensen's head, making a mess of his hair. His hips bucked a little helplessly up into the warm, wet mess of Jensen's mouth. "Jen... can't- gonna release soon."

"S'okay," Jensen said, curling his tongue around the head of Jared's cock. He suckled again, pushing down until he couldn't breathe and then pulling back ever so slowly.

"Not going to last much longer this way," Jared groaned and pawed at his Jensen's head and shoulders. "Oh god!"

Jensen sucked again, fluttering his tongue and trying to force Jared to come into his mouth. He wanted to taste his lover, wanted to give him as much pleasure as possible.

"Jensen, pleaseeeee!" Jared cried and then spilled helplessly into his mouth. He forced himself to watch Jensen swallow his release, and the sight caused him to spiral even higher.

Sucking as best he could, Jensen finally had to pull back, and Jared pulsed a few times over his face. Jensen moaned, licking at what he could reach and then leaning down to clean Jared up. It felt amazing to be able to give his lover so much pleasure.

Jared blinked himself back from a comatose state and then pulled Jensen into a kiss. He began to clean Jensen's face with his own tongue, finally giving him into more kisses. "Can’t believe you did that for me... swallowed like that."

"Was it good?" Jensen asked, eyes closed while Jared licked at his face.

"I don't know a word to express how good it was," Jared admitted breathlessly. "I don't think the word exists yet. Should we make a word?"

Jensen laughed. "We can make a word... our own word." He leaned in and kissed Jared before resting his head on Jared's chest to listen to his heartbeat. "I thought I'd lost you, lost this."

Jared cradled Jensen to his chest and held on. "Never want to lose you, Jen. I'm willing to risk anything for this. I love you."

"You are worth anything and everything, Jay." Jensen kissed the closest patch of skin. "I love you."  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared smiled and touched Jensen's hand, gesturing toward the gate. "Shall we go up there to eat?"

"Yeah, if you want," Jensen said, smiling. He pushed his hands into his pockets to keep from grabbing Jared.

Jared grinned and said, "I want, Jen. If you do. Have a nice picnic in the sun. We got lucky... no fog for once."

Jensen chuckled. "I like that idea. Picnic in the park with you."

"Well, as much of a park as there is with all the military guys around with their girls." Jared bumped Jensen comfortably. "Hard to find a spot that's free of them."

Shuddering, Jensen nodded and then looked at Jared. "Are we sure that's where we want to go? We're going to have to be careful how we behave."

"We're just buddies, out together for a day away from our command," Jared said. "As hard as it is to resist you, I promise not to maul in public." He dimpled, everything bright and happy.

"Okay, if you can keep your hands to yourself." Jensen chuckled and nudged Jared's side. "Lunch would be good."

"All to myself? Not even allowed to like do this-" Jared grabbed Jensen like he would any buddy and began to knuckle over his head, laughing like a loon.

Jensen laughed, grappling with Jared to get him to let go. He couldn't help but roll his eyes and let his easy grin shine through.

Jared continued to laugh and finally allowed Jensen loose. "I never thought I'd get to do that to my captain." He bumped against him again and whispered, "I love you."

Flushing bright red, Jensen ducked his head and rubbed at the back of his neck. "You too, Jay," he said back, just as quietly.

Jared nodded and urged Jensen ahead again. "We'll see if we can’t find a quiet spot somewhere."

"You want to grab the food while I look for space?" Jensen smiled up at Jared, nudging him in the side.

"I think I can handle getting a basket full of food," Jared said. "Go and grab us a place!"

Jensen looked over toward the expanse of grass. "Look for me over beyond that eucalyptus tree there, okay?"

Jared nodded and grinned at Jensen. "I'll be there as fast as possible," he said. He punched him lightly in the shoulder and dashed off, heading for where he had secretly stashed a picnic basket.

Taking a deep breath, Jensen fisted his hands in his pockets and turned toward the trees and relative privacy. He looked around, feeling a bit out of place with all the men and their girls wandering around.

Jared grabbed the basket and hurried after Jensen, eager to show him what he'd packed. He gave silent thanks to the lovely lady who'd run the deli and helped him choose the meal for their picnic. It'd cost him a bit of his pay and some coupons, but it would be worth it.

Jensen lounged under a tree, tucked as far away from the crowd as he could get. He noticed some others moving about, but was able to block out most of the people with the screen of the tree.

Jared emerged from behind Jensen and set the basket down. "This is a nice spot, Jen. Nobody to really bother us here. And we can share our lunch in peace." He opened the basket and pulled out a blanket, spreading it out for them.

"I'm glad you like it. I wanted some place we wouldn’t have to be quite so careful." Jensen smiled shyly at Jared before looking down at the food.

Jared unpacked pasties, cornbread, apples, grapes, a bottle of wine, a small cake and a cookie each. "What do you think?"

"It's a feast, Jay. Just like our last picnic," Jensen said, blushing hotly and ducking his head. 

Jared brushed his hand over Jensen's warm cheek, after being sure they were alone. "I wanted to remind you of that day together. The first time I realized how much I would do for you."

"And how much I would do for you," Jensen said, before dropping his gaze with a hot blush. He took a deep breath and then looked back up. "The next tour is going to be such a painful time, Jay."

"No, Jen," Jared said and caressed Jensen's cheek in a gentle manner. "We won't let it be. We know how we feel about each other. Nobody can take that away from us, even if we can’t act as we would wish aboard. I will be your perfect Yeoman, loyal to you and the crew above everything. And you shall be my Captain... and my beloved."

Jensen smiled sadly at Jared. "Kane will not let it be that easy, Jay. He is determined that we are going to make a misstep and to have you gone from the Bowfin."

"Then we won't make a misstep," Jared said, determination in his voice and posture. "There will be nothing for him to reproach us with." His face softened into a smile. "I'll hold you close inside."

"We won't," Jensen said, returning Jared's smile a bit easier. "I'm just afraid I won't be able to hide how I feel about you after this time together."

Jared's smile flickered a little. "Would it be easier if we spent it apart?"

Jensen nodded, but then added a wry smile. “I'm not letting you go, Jay. I can't bear the thought of you on another ship- somewhere in the ocean, far away from me." 

"I don't want to go, unless you need me to," Jared said, setting food in front of Jensen. "Now, eat and be happy. We are together and still have almost the whole week ahead. We can be ourselves for awhile."

"Okay, no more thinking about the time to come... we have to be in the now." Jensen looked around them and noting that they were still alone, reached out to curl his hand on Jared's cheek. "Thank you for being here with me."

"I couldn't be anywhere else," Jared said. He turned and pressed a kiss to Jensen's palm. "Not so long as this is where I can be."  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared tossed his coat on the dresser and headed for the shower, stripping as he went. He sensed Jensen right behind him and hoped he might catch on that Jared was hoping to share the large shower with his lover. Wiggling his hips playfully, he called, "Come in the water's fine!"

Jensen laughed, double checking the lock on the door before stripping out of his clothes and following along behind Jared. "I thought the shower was for later... you know, after we got all sweaty and sticky," he teased.

"Nah, I want to enjoy that," Jared said, turning to pull Jensen into his arms. "I like being covered in your release. Makes me feel marked as yours."

Wrapping his arms around Jared, Jensen arched up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. "I wish it were possible to tell the world that we belong to each other."

"I think, after the war, I’ll tell my sister. She’ll understand, I think," Jared said. "I wish we could tell other people, but I can be content just to have you."

"And I'm happy so long as I have you, Jay." Jensen kissed him, stroking his hands up and down Jared's back. "Shower now?" he asked.

"Definitely shower now. And other things." Jared ran his hands over Jensen's long back and cupped his perfect ass.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Jensen said with a grin, rubbing his body into Jared's.

Jared rumbled low in his throat, blood on fire and heart racing from Jensen's nearness. "You make me all dizzy," he whispered. "I want you so bad."

Jensen grinned. "You do the same to me, Jay. Want you so much, but we need to get in the shower first." He pulled back enough to swat Jared on the ass and push him toward the shower stall.

Jared sighed in a put upon fashion, but climbed in the shower and dragged Jensen after him. He fiddled with the faucet until a stream of warm water issued from the tap. Starting the shower, he moved himself and Jensen right under. "Mmm, feels nice."

"It does... though this shower is definitely not meant for the two of us," Jensen said, looking at Jared with a smile, pressed close as possible in the tiny space.

"Well, it gives us an excuse to stand close together," Jared said and hugged Jensen even tighter. He thumbed over Jensen's cheek and kissed him gently.

Jensen returned Jared's kisses, sighing quietly and wrapping himself around Jared's back. "Love you, Jared. So much I don't even know how to say it."

"That worked very well for me," Jared said and scooped Jensen into a kiss. "Very well indeed, Jen."

Blushing, Jensen kissed Jared hard and then pulled back to rest his forehead on Jared's shoulder. "Love the way you hold me, kiss me. I feel so secure in your arms... like everything we have is just here and safe and the best it could possibly be."

"Yeah," Jared agreed, shaking a little in Jensen's arms and at his words. "Love you, too, Jen."

Jensen stroked his hands up and then down Jared's chest, trailing his fingertips over Jared's hips. He scratched his nails over Jared's tight skin before curling them around Jared's hips.

Jared nipped and sucked at Jensen's lips in response to the touches. He rubbed at Jensen's back and over his ass, moaning happily into the kisses and the feel of Jensen under his hands. He lifted his mouth and began to press more kisses all over Jensen's face, neck and ears. "Love you. Love you."

"Love you too, Jared." Jensen nuzzled under Jared's chin.

Jared angled them further under the water and then grabbed the soap. "May I?" he asked. "Wash you?"

"Yeah, anything you want, Jay." Jensen smiled and stepped back slightly so that Jared could reach him more easily. 

Jared knelt and started with Jensen's legs, moving the soap up them with careful hands. He bypassed Jensen's cock, though he made sure to get every inch of thigh, and worked over his hips and abdomen. Pressing a kiss just above Jensen's navel, he swirled his hands up, pinching each nipple.

Jensen trembled and shuddered under Jared's touch. The sure strokes of his hands, made more erotic with the silky soap, left Jensen panting and gazing at Jared with huge, wide eyes. "God, Jay," he breathed out.

"Like that?" Jared asked with a smile. "I love pampering you like this, Jen. And getting to touch you all over as a bonus." He ran his hands down Jensen's back and over the mound of his ass. "Want me to soap here?" He teased one finger between the cheeks.

Jensen nodded shyly, unused to this much attention being bestowed on him, especially on his naked body. Even with all of their lovemaking during their leave, it was still not common enough for him to take it in stride. "You’re amazing, Jay. You make me feel so good."

Jared cleaned deep, rubbing over the small ring of muscle, but not breaching with his fingers. He spread Jensen wide as he made sure to clean every bit of his surface, before trailing down, back between his legs. He cupped Jensen's balls in one hand and massaged in the soap. And as he did, he leaned up and swallowed down Jensen's cock, all the way to the back of his throat.

"Oh god," Jensen whimpered, hands flailing out to try and grab onto the shower walls. He closed his eyes, shaking hard at the way Jared just _took_ him.

Jared had developed a taste and skill for this over the week, so that he could suppress his gag reflex and take all he wanted of Jensen. Sucking and slurping happily, he slid up and down Jensen's impressive cock. He pulled off at the end and flicked his tongue just over the slit, eyes shut in bliss, before he swallowed him back down again.

Jensen was unprepared for Jared's full on attack and cried out, shaking where he stood when his body reacted instantly to his lover. He held back as much as he could, but Jared's newfound technique proved to be too much for Jensen and after a few minutes of Jared sucking him, he came hard.

Jared could not quite manage all of Jensen's release, but he enjoyed letting some of it splatter over his face, neck and chest. Smiling contentedly, he leaned Jensen back into the spray to rinse off the soap and all other traces of release. "Like that?" he asked, voice husky.

"I have no words, Jared. I still cannot believe how easily you do that to me." Jensen still felt a bit of shame and sadness that he could not return the favor for Jared, not except in his fumbling attempts to suck and lick him to completion.

Jared smiled and said bashfully, "I’m used to sticking lots of stuff in my mouth. How else did I get this big?" He kissed Jensen's now clean stomach and chewed lightly over his pelvic bone.

Laughing, Jensen nodded. "I can attest that you do put a lot into your mouth." He winked at his lover and stroked a hand over his head. "Love you."

Jared stood up and pulled Jensen into a kiss. "Love you, too, even if you are cruel to me."

"Never cruel," Jensen said. "Love and want you too much to be cruel." He kissed Jared, over and over again before he pulled back and grabbed the soap. "My turn now."

Jared beamed and displayed himself so that Jensen had access to every part of him. "I want to feel your hands everywhere on me, Jen."

"Oh you will," Jensen said, soaping his hands up. Starting from the bottom, he slowly and gently massaged and cleaned every bit of Jared he could reach except his cock. While he was not as good as Jared at sucking him off, Jensen was a master with his hand and once Jared was completely clean, Jensen pressed him into the wall. He curled his soapy hand around Jared's cock and stroked him slow and sure.

Jared groaned and pushed into Jensen's hand. "Kiss me?" he asked, reaching for his lover. "Want your mouth, Jen."

Jensen leaned in and kissed Jared, plunging his tongue between Jared's plump lips while stroking his hand up and down on Jared's cock. By now, Jensen knew what would tease and torture Jared the most and delighted in tormenting his lover with each and every stroke of his hand.

Jared groaned and cried out into Jensen's mouth, hips pressing relentlessly into the perfect pressure, even as his feet moved restlessly on the tub. His sounds turned pleading as Jensen's touches often teased ruthlessly.

"Love you so much, Jared. You're so gorgeous, spread out before me like this and just letting me touch you however I want." Jensen nibbled at Jared's lower lip before flicking his tongue out to soothe the hurt. He bit his way down the column of Jared's throat before squeezing tighter and stroking him harder.

"Jensen," Jared said, arching his neck to give him more room to work. "Jen, my Jen." He whimpered as Jensen thumbed over the tip of his cock. "Not gonna last, Jen."

Jensen smiled, nibbling at Jared's throat. "Come for me, Jay. Don't hold back... let my touch set you off," he murmured before biting at Jared's earlobe and swiping his thumb back and forth across the tip of Jared's cock.

Jared cried out in a soft series of waves that echoed the pumping of his release over Jensen's fist and on to the tiles below. He always followed Jensen's orders, be they on the submarine or in their love-making, and this time was no exception. How could he hold back when Jensen asked him not to?

Twisting his head, Jensen took Jared's lips with his own and devoured him. He loved the way Jared responded to him, the instantaneous moment where he just did what Jensen asked, what Jensen wanted. It was heady, and Jensen found himself moaning into Jared's lips.

Jared returned the moan and pressed harder against Jensen. He gripped tightly to Jensen's hips, keeping them close together. "Love you, Jen," he whispered. "Make me feel so good all the time."

"You make me feel good," Jensen said, wrinkling his nose slightly when the water turned from warm to cool. "We're going to create a drought if we keep taking marathon showers."

Jared giggled and then covered his mouth, red with embarrassment. He turned off the water and pulled Jensen into another kiss, this time asserting his own control. When he finally released his lover, he stepped out and grabbed two fluffy towels.

Jensen shook his head slightly to clear the haze of lust that came over him at Jared's kiss. He blew out a breath and took the towel from Jared's hands, scrubbing it over his body and trying to warm up the chill that had settled in from the rapidly cooling water.

Jared pulled Jensen into his arms again for another kiss and then nipped lightly at his mouth. "Want to be in me, Jen?"

"Yeah," Jensen breathed into Jared's mouth. "Our last night... I want us each to take turns."

"You want me to-" Jared forgot how to breathe for a moment. "But I've never, I mean, you've never- are you sure?"

"Yes, please. I want to feel you inside me before we have to be separated." Jensen smiled shyly and ducked his head slightly.

"Of course," Jared said. "I just didn't know you’d be interested in that." 

Jared smiled and nodded, tracing Jensen's profile lovingly. "I want to try that, Jen. I just didn't think you'd want that role."

"I want everything with you, Jay. Everything we can possibly think to do." Jensen blushed slightly, tilting into Jared's gentle touches.

Jensen kissed Jensen's nose and then his mouth gently. "That sounds like something to last us a long time."

Jensen blushed slightly. "I should hope it would last our entire lifetime."

Jared smiled and nuzzled Jensen's red cheeks. "You blush so perfect, Jen... something you never do as captain. Why do you blush with me?"

"Because I’m not in control when I’m with you. I’m uncertain of what our lives will be and how we’ll move along together." Jensen leaned into the nuzzling, sighing softly.

Jared pulled Jensen into his chest and cradled him gently. "How do you want to go forward?" 

"We have to put a hold on that. We have to move into our work again and keep our thoughts and minds on that alone." Jensen smiled sadly at Jared, tracing the side of his face with gentle fingers.

"I meant now," Jared said with a little chuckle. "We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow." He kissed Jensen's perfect mouth, stroking with his tongue.

Jensen returned the kiss, sliding his tongue into Jared's mouth and tangling them together. He pulled back and then nuzzled Jared's cheek. "Right now I want us to be on that bed together."

"That's what I want, too," Jared said and tugged Jensen gently toward it. "But what I really mean is, how do you want to do this?"

"I am happy to do whatever, my Jared. What would you like tonight?" Jensen smiled and stroked his thumb over the back of Jared's hand while following him to the bed.

"I want to be inside you, like you wanted, too," Jared said. "You’re not making this easy, Jen. I want to know what, uh, position, you want to try that in."

Jensen blushed again. "I’m not used to such plain speaking. I’d like you to look into my eyes... over me, please."

Jared smiled and nodded, easing Jensen down on the bed and lying beside him. "I‘d like that best, too. We'll need to work a lot on your to get you ready."

"Yes, you’re no small man, my Jared." Jensen blushed a bright red at that, though it wasn't a secret with all of the playing they’d already engaged in.

Jared chuckled in delight and pressed kisses all over Jensen's face and neck. "Neither are you, Jen, and I took you with no small pleasure. I will do my best to give that pleasure back to you."

Jensen kissed Jared firmly. "I have no doubt you will give me even more pleasure, love."

Jared reached around Jensen to cup his fine ass in both hands and massage the perfect globes. "I’ve always thought that you are perfect... back here."

"You have?" Jensen asked, grinning with pleasure and also a slight embarrassment.

"Oh yes," Jared said and blushed himself. "I- uh, I've found myself staring sometimes."

"You have?" Jensen asked again, blushing, but pleased to know that Jared was so attracted to him.

Jared nodded and ducked his head a little. "I try not to do that in the sub, but sometimes, your pants are so tight."

Jensen blushed beat red. "They are no tighter than yours or any other man's on the sub."

"I know... but their, uh, rears, aren't like yours," Jared said. "Yours is... curved." .

Jensen ducked his head. "I am glad that you find my rear enticing, but I don't try to do that to you."

"You don't try to do what?" Jared asked, puzzled. He loosened his hold on Jensen's ass and rubbed his back.

"To make you look at it... or me." Jensen nuzzled under Jared's chin, before nipping lightly at his throat.

"Oh." Jared smiled and then moaned softly. "I know, Jen. You weren't trying to make me stare. You don't have to try."

Jensen continued to nibble and lick his way up and down Jared's throat. "I love you, Jared."

Jared offered his throat to Jensen and said, "I love you, too, Jen. So much."

Holding Jared tightly, Jensen slid further up his body and began to nibble on Jared's ear. He sucked lightly and then reached down to pinch Jared's nipple. 

Jared gasped, hips bucking, as Jensen tweaked his sensitive nub. "Easy or I won't last," he gasped, but his eyes and smile were warm and content to do whatever Jensen wanted.

Jensen soothed him slightly. "Want you to let go, want you to lose yourself in this, Jay." He leaned in for a deep kiss, still playing with Jared's nipple.

Jared scooped Jensen closer, rubbing his hard cock along any piece of skin he could. "I want to lose myself inside you."

"I want that too," Jensen said, pulling back slightly. "I want to feel you, Jay. Will you prep me?"

Jared nodded eagerly and dug out their bottle of oil from the nightstand, keeping as close to Jensen as he could the whole time. "Will you roll on your stomach? I, uh, I want to look at you... back there."

Jensen nodded, shyly lowering his gaze and then rolling onto his stomach. He grabbed one pillow and tucked it under his head before resting his cheek on it. "I want you so much, Jay. Want to know what it feels to be this close to you."

Jared stared at the perfect ass above Jensen's slightly bowed legs and swallowed. He lowered his head and began to kiss every inch of the pert mounds, nibbling when the urge struck. He ran his nose along the crease between his cheeks, daring himself to go further.

"Oh god, Jay," Jensen moaned, gripping the pillow tighter while he trembled under Jared's gentle touches. His whole body was tingling with need and desire.

Jared pressed open the perfect cheeks using his thumbs and stared at the tiny entrance to Jensen's body. "Oh _god_ ," he said in perfect counterpoint to Jensen, "how do I fit in there?"

Jensen let out a strangled laugh. "It'll fit, Jay. Just like I fit inside you." He blushed slightly, rubbing his cheek on the pillow and trying not to think about the way Jared was just staring at his body.

Jared leaned forward and pressed his mouth over the perfect opening. He kissed and licked at the area, before trying to nibble a little. "You taste strong here."

Shuddering under the exploration, Jensen whimpered and cried out softly. The way Jared's mouth, tongue and teeth teased and tantalized him left Jensen a near quivering wreck. "God, Jay... oh god," he breathed.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Jared asked with another lick. "Always so sensitive here." He stroked a finger over Jensen's hole and then tugged lightly at the edges.

"I have no words for how it feels, Jay," Jensen moaned, hips rocking in response to the pleasure shooting up his spine.

Jared poured a bit of oil over Jensen's hole and then pressed his finger through it, spreading it inside. He worked slowly, remembering how long it took to prepare him for their first time. "This is so... sexy, Jen," he whispered. "Seeing you open for me, looking at this little space into your body and knowing I'm going to be in there."

Jensen shivered. "I remember, Jay. I remember how it looked to see you there, how much it awed me that you would let me inside."

Jared bent and pressed a reverent kiss just above Jensen's spread ass. "You make me feel humble, so unworthy of this, Jen. You're so beautiful in my hands, against my mouth."

"Please, Jared. Please touch me inside." Jensen bit his lower lip and looked at Jared over his shoulder.

Jared slid his finger in deeper, stretching and stroking the virgin muscle. "So hot inside, Jen. Gonna be like entering a volcano."

Jensen moaned a breath, quivering and shaking under Jared's touch. He dropped his head back to the pillow and arched his body to press down onto Jared's finger. "Feels so different, Jay."

"Is it okay?" Jared asked, peppering Jensen's back with little kisses. He stroked deeper, trying to find the little place inside that gave such pleasure. "I want this to be good for you."

"Just have to get used it... feels odd, kinda full." Jensen breathed out, shivering from the kisses and the way the faint stubble on Jared's chin tickled his body.

"Yeah. Feels like you want to push it out again." Jared worked his finger in and out quickly, stopping to tug and stretch. "Can you handle another?"

Jensen chuckled. "Yeah, that's what it feels like." He wriggled slightly on the bed. "I don't know... go ahead and try."

Jared poured more oil on Jensen and over his fingers, before pressing two slow and easy inside. He met more resistance, but refused to rush, just pressing steadily. "How's that?"

"Feels good," Jensen said, rolling his hips into Jared's touches. "Feels like I need more."

"You do," Jared said huskily. "You need so much more." He swallowed hard and reached for more oil. He made Jensen's anus and his fingers glisten, before twisting three inside him. "If I can just find that spot inside you..."

Jensen arched his back when Jared rotated the three fingers inside him and felt a spark of electricity shoot through his body. He shuddered and cried out, muscles going weak under the unexpected pleasure.

"There," Jared said and rubbed against the spot again. "How are you doing, Jen? Almost there?"

"It feels good... still so big inside me, but good." Jensen wriggled slightly, gasping when it moved Jared's finger over that sensitive nub.

"Uh, I'm, uh, built even bigger," Jared whispered. "Are you sure you want me to do this?"

Jensen moaned, nodding rapidly. "Yeah, just maybe another finger first."

"Four? Oh." Jared licked his lips and stared at his hand. "Uh." He used even more of their oil and swallowed hard as he worked all four inside Jensen. "How does that feel?"

Unable to say anything, Jensen simply moaned, pressed his hands against the bed and rocked into Jared's hand. He whimpered and bit his lower lip, all the while opening himself on Jared.

"Sounds good," Jared said shakily, cock jumping each time Jensen whimpered. "Don't know if I'm gonna last enough to get inside."

"Need you, Jared, please." Jensen forced his eyes open and looked over his shoulder at Jared, begging him to fill Jensen up.

Jared nodded and removed his hand carefully. He stared for a moment at the slightly widened hole into Jensen's body and hoped he could fit inside. Using the last of the vial of oil, he slicked himself up quickly and then held Jensen open to his cock. "Ready?"

Jensen nodded again, eyes wide while he gripped onto the pillow. "Please, Jay."

"If you need me to stop, tell me," Jared said and then eased the very tip of his cock inside. Swallowing hard, he gritted his teeth at the way the muscle resisted. 

Huffing out a light breath, Jensen nodded. "Yeah, okay... just go slow, please."

"I promise," Jared whispered and kissed the nape of Jensen's neck. "Want you so much."

"I want this too, Jay. Want you so much, please," Jensen moaned, rocking back into Jared.

Jared nodded and tipped Jensen's hips further, pressing deeper inside. He groaned when the head finally slid inside. "You're so tight, Jen. Doesn't this hurt?"

Jensen nodded slightly. "But it's okay, Jay. Please don't stop." He gasped slightly, biting his lower lip at the same time as he pushed back again.

"Not stopping," Jared bit out and slid deeper inside. "Oh god. I want to just slam into your body."

Huffing, Jensen cracked open one eye. "Please don't, not just yet." He chucked and then pushed up onto his elbows, bowing his back and moaning when it slid Jared deeper. 

Jared moaned with him and bent over Jensen's back, nipping his neck. "Not gonna, Jen," he said. "Won't hurt you."

Jensen nodded, sucking in another shaky breath and willing his body to relax even more. "Know you won't, Jay."

"Just having trouble not claiming you," Jared whispered. "Your body feels so good around me." He stroked Jensen's stomach and pinched his nipples.

"Oh," Jensen moaned, his body responding to the pinched nipples. "I want you to claim me, just need another second, please."

Jared eased even further inside and sucked at the side of his neck. "You're so lovely, Jen, beneath me like this. I cannot believe you are mine."

"All yours," Jensen said, rocking his hips. "Please... go ahead and move, please."

Jared gripped Jensen's hips and began to move, slow and deep, inside his lover. He shut his eyes and dropped his head to kiss, suck and bite along Jensen's neck and face. "Love you, Jen. Love this so much."

Jensen moaned, the feeling of Jared moving in him still not completely pleasurable, but he wanted it too much to comment. "Love you, Jay. Love being so close to you."

Jared reached up to cup Jensen's face and tilt him into a kiss. His thrusts gained speed and depth, as his body picked up the rhythm of loving. He sucked eagerly on Jensen's tongue, until he had to moan on a deep stroke.

Kissing Jared as best he could, Jensen finally had to pull back and drop his head to the pillow. He arched his back, pressed into Jared's body and trembled with the rising tide of emotion inside him.

"Is it good, Jen?" Jared asked worriedly. "Am I doing this right?"

Jensen nodded, though there was still a spot of tension in his back. Jared was moving much more easily inside him now, and the pain had receded to more of a stretch. "Touch me?" Jensen asked, hoping Jared would understand.

Jared nodded and kissed the nape of Jensen's neck. He stroked his chest, tugging at each nipple in time with a deep thrust. Curling his fingers, he scratched over his navel and through the trail of hair to his groin. Finding his cock half-hard, he took him firmly in hand and stroked, unknowingly matching the beat of his hips. "Like this, my Jen?"

"Yeah," Jensen moaned. "Oh god, just like that, Jay." He blew out a harsh breath, rocking and shaking from the pleasurable tension.

Jared sped up both hand and hips, driving them both forward. He winced the first time the bed hit the wall, but then began to enjoy the way his thrusts made little chunks of plaster fall out. "Jen. Jen. God, can't hold on."

Jensen moaned, feeling the pleasure shuddering up his back again. "Jay, so good, feels so good."

"Yeah, Jen. Can't believe you let me do this," Jared moaned. He thrust a few last times and then felt the his balls tighten more than he ever had before. "JEN!" he cried and came on a thrust that actually made the wall crack over an inch.

Bracing himself, Jensen rocked back into Jared's body through the thrusts. He dug his fingers into the blankets, holding tight while Jared rode his body until he nearly collapsed on top of Jensen's back.

Jared held himself up by force of will only. "Jen? Did you?" He took his cock again and stroked.

"No," Jensen whispered, body shaking when Jared started to stroke him again.

Jared pulled out of Jensen gently and released Jensen's cock. He rolled him on his back and asked, "May I suck you?"

Jensen blinked and then settled on his back. He turned and looked down at Jared, nodding. "Yeah, of course."

Jared smiled and kissed Jensen's mouth, before sliding down to kiss the tip of his cock. Humming happily, he sucked on the head and then slid all the way down. Bobbing, he tried to work Jensen to a quick, dirty release.

Closing his eyes, Jensen tipped his head back and reached down to tangled both hands in what he could of Jared's hair. He arched up, rocking his hips into Jared's throat.

Jared opened his throat as much as possible to allow Jensen to thrust. He squeezed Jensen's ass and massaged the lovely area that he had recently been inside. He scraped his teeth over the bundle of nerves just under the head when he got a chance.

Jensen cried out when Jared scraped his teeth over the head of his cock. "Oh fuck, Jared. Jay, god." He arched up high and hard, thrusting down Jared's throat and coming fast and hard.

Jared sucked and swallowed until a bit ran out of the corners of his mouth. He pulled off when Jensen's cock deflated and let it slip out of his lips. Licking at the traces on his face, he bent down and chewed lightly over Jensen's navel. 

Trembling from his release, Jensen tugged Jared back up his body to kiss him deeply. "Love you, Jay," Jensen said quietly. 

"Was that all right, Jen?" Jared asked. "You didn't finish when I was in you."

"It was good, Jay. It was good, but it just wasn't enough... I needed you to touch me, too, I guess." Jensen ducked his head, feeling like he wasn't doing enough to come on his own.

Jared nibbled his lower lip and said, "Maybe we should stick to you being on top, huh?"

Jensen blushed, but looked up. "Maybe we should practice this some more... you know, to get it right." He grinned mischievously, hoping Jared would be on board.

Jared answered the smile and nodded once. "Whatever you want, Jen. I want this to be good between us, whatever we do.""

"I think we just have to try things... all kinds of things, you know?" Jensen smiled and snuggled into Jared's side.

Jared cuddled Jensen close and kissed his forehead. "You are perfect for me, Jen, even if our sex wasn't."

"Sex doesn't have to be perfect, so long as we’re together. We'll make it work out, right?" Jensen smiled, kissing Jared softly and stroking his hand down Jared's chest.

"Yeah, Jen, we'll work it out," Jared said, kissing back. "I just hate not giving you equal pleasure to my own. I wanted it to work the way you made it for me."

"I think, maybe next time I need to see you," Jensen said, blushing slightly. "I think that might help me."

"Oh," Jared said and nodded. "I'm sorry. I hadn't thought about that." He kissed Jensen's cheeks and then his mouth, nibbling on his lower lip. "Did it feel impersonal?"

Jensen thought about it and then nodded slightly. "A little, but that's not your fault. Neither of us really thought about the fact that we normally face each other." He ducked his head. "And it's not saying that I wouldn't do it that way again either, but maybe once we know each other better that way."

Jared sighed and trailed kisses over Jensen's face. "Let me make it up to you?" he asked. He sat up and ran his spread palms over Jensen's body, spanning his chest and sides, covering his legs and stroking over his ass.

"There's nothing to make up, Jay. All of our lovemaking is going to be different, and it'll take us time to learn how to make it the best it can be." Jensen stroked his fingers down Jared's cheek, pulling him back in for a deep, thorough kiss.

"Time," Jared breathed into the kiss, thinking of their future together. "Oh yes, Jen. As long as it takes."

Jensen smiled, glad that I Jared was feeling and thinking the same as he. "I love you, Jay. So glad to have you here with me, to have your arms around me." He snuggled in close, wanting to just bask in his lover's arms for the time being.  
~~~~~~~~~~

First Officer Chris Kane watched Captain Ackles and Yeoman Padalecki, each in full uniform and walking a respectable distance apart, approach the USS Bowfin for the deck. His heart clenched inside him, as he thought of what he was about to do, even as he whispered to himself, "This is for the best." The hand holding Yeoman Padalecki's reassignment orders trembled a little, but he forced the rest of himself to remain calm.

Jensen hadn't risked a glance at Jared since they'd stepped out of the cab at the pier. He'd debated arriving at the same time, and in the same cab, but Jensen had been too tired to deal with having the hotel call them up a second car to keep the charade going. Instead, he'd just climbed in and waited for Jared to join him, knowing that any questions could easily be deflected as them having stayed in nearby hotels if needed. He strode forward down toward the submarine, pack over his shoulder.

Jared smiled in the crisp morning air, sorry that their pleasant leave had drawn to an end, but happy to return to the Bowfin by Jensen's side. He did not even notice Chris standing on the deck, until he heard him say, "Welcome back, Captain Ackles. I trust you had a good leave."

"I did and you, as well, Kane. It was good to take a short break from the war." Jensen smiled at Chris, in a way he hadn't in a long, long time. He paused next to his First Mate. "Are the men trickling in already?"

The smile made Chris' heart tighten further, but he nodded once with his own, false smile. "Yes, Sir, including our new Yeoman, a Mister Gardner, Sir."

Jensen stopped short, eyebrows raising and heart thundering. "Excuse me," Jensen asked. "Our new what?"

Chris raised the hand holding Jared's orders out to the tall man. "These are Jared's new orders. He's been reassigned."

Jared took the paper without thought, although his heart pounded in his ears and his legs tremblex and threatened to give way. "My new orders?" he whispered.

"New orders?" Jensen echoed, narrowing his eyes on Kane. "And just how did these new orders come about? I didn't ask for them, nor did I authorize them."

Chris met and held Jensen's eyes. "There was nothing deleterious to your or Yeoman Padalecki's records or careers, but I felt this was the only way."

Jared read the orders through a film of tears in his eyes. "But this- this isn't even a submarine," he murmured. "It's a destroyer... shipping to an active combat zone."

Jensen's back went rigid at the words sliding out of Jared's mouth. "An active combat zone?" he asked, eyes like flint while they held Chris'.

For the first time, Chris flinched, but forced his voice to be steady. "I had no part in that, Sir. I merely recommended Yeoman Padalecki for promotion and reassignment with a larger role."

Jensen nodded sharply once, eyes hardening to ice as he cut all regard for Chris from his heart. He turned to Jared, cursing and hating Chris for having led them to this, to say goodbye here in the open public of the pier. "Jared," he said, risking everything. "Jared, look at me."

Chris took a step back from the cold in Jensen's eyes and then retreated below.

Jared raised his head, chin wobbling and eyes clouded. "Jen. Jen, they're sending me away from you."

"Chris is to blame for this. I’m sorry, Jared. I am so sorry that I never expected him to be so underhanded." Jensen ached to take Jared into his arms with every fiber in his being. 

Jared blinked back tears desperately and managed a weak nod. "I- I need to report immediately, Jen. They're expecting me today." He swallowed hard and whispered, "USS Dakota. How can I go?"

Jensen swallowed, closing his eyes. "You have to go. You have to turn around and find the Dakota, and I have to climb into the Bowfin. We have no choice, short of deserting, and that's not an option." He closed his eyes on the wave of pain and tears that threatened.

"Yes, Sir," Jared murmured and straightened his backbone. He saluted him and said, "It's been an honor serving with you, Sir. Please give my best to the crew, if you will."

Forcing his eyes back open, Jensen nodded. He saluted Jared and finally said, "I shall give them your regards and know that you take the esteem of every man on the sub with you. Please send word to us from time to time so that we may know how you fare. We shall see each other again." He didn't stop the tears from spilling over, although he knew that he would have to get himself under control before making his way onto the submarine.

Only Jensen's tears let Jared know that Jensen hurt as much as he did, and his heart broke into smaller pieces. "Please write me, as well, Jen," he said. "I do not know that I shall be able to stand it otherwise." He wiped under his eyes and then gazed at Jensen, trying to commit him to memory.

"I promise, I shall send you letters." Jensen reached up and wiped the tears from his cheeks, aching desperately to go back to their room and start the morning over. He wanted to either enjoy those last moments alone even more or have the outcome change once they got to the Bowfin again.

Jared nodded and said, "Be well, Jen. Make sure nothing happens to you, please.”

Jensen nodded. "Please do the same, my Jared." He reached out, unable to let Jared go without touching him. Pulling Jared into a quick, but solid embrace, Jensen breathed in deeply of his scent before stepping back and fighting another wave of tears.

Jared hugged tight for a moment and then let go. He turned away and forced his feet to move, feeling the ache in his heart increase with every step. "Goodbye, my Jen," he whispered, but refused the urge to look back, lest he found himself unable to leave.

Watching Jared walk away, Jensen's heart shattered into a thousand pieces. He waited until Jared had left their pier before turning back to the submarine. Jensen shouldered his pack and then climbed inside, walking to his quarters without a word to the men he passed. He barely made it into his room before pulling the curtain closed and shoving his fist into his mouth to keep his sobs from echoing down the halls.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Kane rattled the flap to Jensen's quarters and said, "Permission to enter, Sir?"

Jensen took a full minute to gather himself together before calling out, "Granted" and stepping over to his bunk to dump out his bag and sort the items into their proper places.

Chris stepped inside and assumed an 'at attention' posture. "Sir. I just wanted to check in with you. Make sure things are well."

"Things are not well," Jensen said sharply, turning around and facing Chris with a thunderous face. "Things are far from well, Kane and you know it. How or why you thought you needed or should go over my head in having our Yeoman reassigned, I don't think I shall ever comprehend."

Chris took a deep breath and said, "I thought that it was necessary to protect your reputation and this sub. Sir, you were in danger of forgetting everything except your Yeoman. I could not let that happen."

Jensen snorted in disgust. "I am certainly glad to see that you know me better than I know myself. I am also glad that you seem to have decided that you should step above rank and put our crew, not to mention someone who served beside us, at potential risk." He shook his head, staring at Chris dispassionately.

Chris ducked his head and then raised it again. "I never thought that he would be put into such risk, but I still believe I did what was best for this crew, Sir. And for you."

"And you don't care that the one person in this world I love is being sent into certain combat." Jensen sighed, shaking his head. "Doesn't matter. What's done is done, and you are the reason. I hope you realize that if anything happens to him, I shall hold you personally responsible. If you had even for one moment thought to trust me, you would’ve known that I would be able to lead this crew without problem."

Chris sighed and said, "When we get to the end of this tour, I will request my own reassignment, if you feel it is necessary. I don’t want to be a detriment to this crew any more than Yeoman Padalecki was." 

"We'll have to see what comes at the end of the tour, but know that I have lost my faith and trust in you because of this maneuver behind my back. I expected more from someone who was supposed to be my next in command. Dismissed." 

Chris winced again and said, "Yes, Sir." He paused at the exit and turned back to Jensen. "You are the best man I have ever served with, Sir. I'm sorry that this how our work partnership will end, but I can’t regret trying to protect you."

Jensen closed his eyes. "While I understand and respect what you were trying to do, I cannot condone the way you did it. You are the best First I’ve ever had. I hope that I can come to trust you again."

"You wish me to stay, Sir?" Chris asked. He put a hand on the wall to support himself. 

"You are here for this tour, Kane, and we’ll see what comes," Jensen said. As hurt and betrayed as he felt, Jensen knew he couldn't do without both Jared and Chris on this tour.

Chris released a long breath and said, "I meant Yeoman Padalecki no harm, Sir. I don't want anything to happen to him, either."

Jensen nodded, a wry smile on his lips. "And yet, he is going more directly into harm's way than anything we might expect on our tour." He shook his head. "But it's done and he's gone, so now we need to get the crew to their places and get ourselves on with the mission."

"Yes, Sir," Chris said. "We'll be reaching our rendezvous point with the USS Balao in three hours."

"Thank you, I'll be up when I have stowed my gear." Jensen nodded toward Chris and turned his back to begin the painful process.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Three months into the tour, Chris took a message from the new Yeoman and walked almost blindly back to the Conning Tower. "Sir," he said softly. "I need to talk to you."

Jensen looked up to see Chris looking a bit shell shocked. He finished his instructions to one of the men and then stood. "Yes, Kane? How can I help you?"

"Sir, please," Chris said, "I need to speak with you privately." He swallowed and put a hand on his shoulder.

"All right. My quarters, then." Jensen turned and led Kane toward the officer's area. He stepped into his room and moved to be certain that Kane had the room he needed to step inside.

Chris hovered quietly at the edge of Jensen's quarters and said, "I, uh, I asked our Yeoman to report to me first if we received any news about the USS Dakota. Sir... I- uh, I need to tell you that we have just received word that the USS Dakota was sunk three days ago." 

"What?" Jensen asked, convinced that he'd hear Christian wrong.

"All hands are presumed lost," Chris said. "I'm sorry, Sir." 

"No," Jensen said. "No, that can't be. There’s been a mistake."

Chris put a hand on Jensen's shoulder and squeezed, saying, "I'm sorry, Sir. Please, sit down."

Jensen wrenched away from Chris, tumbling to the bed. "No, this can't be happening, Kane. It can't. He just sent me a message a week ago... he can't, no, I won't believe that he was lost." He had no idea that tears of grief were already streaming down his face.

Chris balled his hands into fists, wanting to help, to comfort, but not knowing how even to begin. He sat beside Jensen and put a hand on his shoulder, offering the only support he could. 

Falling apart in front of his First Mate was not something Jensen ever thought he would do, but the thought of Jared being gone from him forever was far too overwhelming. He dropped his head into his hands and sobbed.

"I’m sorry. So, so sorry," Chris murmured, unaware of the tears now prickling in his own eyes. "Just get it all out." He squeezed Jensen's shoulder, unsure what else to do, even as his own heart told him that he was to blame for this. His actions had killed Jared Padalecki.

Jensen doubled over in pain, hands moving to his stomach while he rocked and cried his heart out. His love, the one person he wanted to spend his life with was dead and gone from him and the last moment he had was watching Jared walk away from him to his new assignment.

Chris felt his own heart fracture at his captain's pain and hated himself for driving apart the lovers. Hanging his head, he vowed to protect Jensen in every way possible for the duration of their lives. "I'm going to put Chico in charge, Sir," he murmured. "I'll be right back. Is there anything I can get you?"

Not even hearing Christian, Jensen continued to sob, arms twined around his waist while he wallowed in the sorrow of losing Jared before they’d had a chance at a life together.

Chris hurried to make sure the third mate was in charge and brought Jensen back a hot cup of coffee. He sat down beside him again and offered it wordlessly. 

Jensen curled his hands around the mug, not seeing it or even registering Christian's appearance at his side. All he could think of were the last few moments he'd spent with Jared... the happiness and love they'd felt for each other before they were torn apart.

Chris put a hand on Jensen's arm and waited for the tears to end. He wondered vaguely if they ever would.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jensen stood in front of the gathered men, still reeling from the news that the Dakota was sunk and Jared gone. He cleared his throat and lifted his gaze to the crew. "I have some sad news, men. The USS Dakota was sunk a few days ago, all men aboard were lost." Pausing, Jensen rubbed his hand over his mouth and sighed. "This is especially sad for us, as Yeoman Padalecki was promoted and reassigned to that destroyer at the beginning of this tour. For those of you who are new to our crew, he was our Yeoman prior to his promotion. If anyone would like to speak about Yeoman Padalecki, I shall be available to them this afternoon."

Chris stood next to Jensen in a show of support, prouder of his captain than he had ever been. "We would like to coordinate a small memorial for all those lost on the USS Dakota, including Yeoman Padalecki." He nodded when several of the men volunteered to help and speak.

Jensen kept his hands behind his back and his eyes on the men. He was unsure how he was going to make it through the day and was grateful that others would be stepping up to speak for the fallen men. Jensen didn't have it in him to utter one more word on the subject.

Chris carefully arranged the men so they could hold the ceremony later in the day. He turned to Jensen and said, "Is there anything else we can do for you, Sir?"

"No, thank you," Jensen turned and looked at Christian, eyes vacant at the deadness that he felt inside. "I will be in my quarters when the men are ready for the ceremony."

"Captain," Chris said, placing a hand on his shoulder, "do you wish to attend the ceremony? Or shall I make your excuses?"

Jensen looked at Chris and shrugged, not caring either way. "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore, Kane. I'll be in my quarters." He turned, not realizing that he hadn't actually answered Christian's question, walking away from the men talking quietly around him.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Chris knocked quietly on the outside of Jensen's quarters and said, "The men are gathered, Sir. Would you like to go?"

"No," Jensen said, voice hoarse from hiding the sobs that had wracked his body. He stood up, cleaned his face off with a towel and took a quick look in the mirror at his appearance. It would have to do and Jensen opened the curtain to his quarters. "But I will, anyway."

Chris nodded, face solemn and supportive, and said, "I'm glad, Sir. I think the men will benefit from your presence." 

Jensen nodded, knowing and willing to do his duty. "I would not let them down," he said, walking out of the officers' quarters and toward the mess for the gathering.

"I know," Chris said, following in his wake. "Mike prepared some of Jared’s favorite dishes to, you know, commemorate him, and half of the crew wanted to say something." He paused as his voice choked. "Your Jared had many friends."

Closing his eyes, Jensen faltered, stopping for a moment to take a deep, steadying breath before he forced them open and stepped through to the galley. He forced a half-smile on his face and greeted the men around him, finding himself staring at a variety of items that Jared had loved to barter for. For a moment, Jensen had the overwhelming feeling of being unable to do it, being unable to speak about him without going insane amongst the men who adored him, but hadn't really and truly known him. He turned to Christian and begged with his eyes for Christian to step in.

Chris stepped forward and said, "We want to thank you for attending this memorial for your crewmate. Yeoman Padalecki was only with us for one tour, but he made a lot of friends and impressed everyone with his attitude and work ethic. We want to honor him and all those lost with him in the sinking of the Dakota." 

Jensen found his voice. "Yeoman Padalecki was a pleasure to have in the crew. I've never heard a word against him and know several men who would give him extra rations to help cure his all-consuming, incessant hunger." He smiled, remembering the first time Jared had told him about a couple men giving him some of their stuff because his stomach had growled even after he was done with his dinner. "He took the time to know all aboard, to be familiar with them and help in any way that he could. Instead of hiding in his quarters in an emergency situation, he asked for assignments to be integral to the safety and well-being of the submarine. Please bow your heads in his memory and honor."

Chris joined the others in bowing his head to observe a moment of silence. The weight of guilt lay heavy over his shoulders, and he wished with all his being that Jared was back amongst them.

Jensen waited out the full minute of silence before lifting his head. He cleared his throat and then looked around at the men. "Mike has made a number of Jared's favorite dishes. Please enjoy them, remember how much he enjoyed them and maybe think about something we could put together as a memorial to give his family."

Chris rested a hand briefly on Jensen's back. "You want to stay, Captain?" he asked softly.

"No," Jensen said, shaking his head. "I'll take a couple of things with me, but I won't stay."

"Sir," Chris said and then shook his head. "I'm so sorry. I wish... so many things. But most of all, I wish he was still with you, Sir."

Jensen closed his eyes and bit his tongue on the many recriminations he could say. He forced them open, nodded and then looked away. "I do too, Kane. More than anything, I wish that every single day."

Chris nodded and said, "I'll take your watch on the bridge, Sir, if you want."

"Thank you," Jensen said, turning from Christian, saying a few words to the men he passed and grabbing a small plate that Mike held out for him. He held it tightly, nodded to the ones closest to him and then moved to his own quarters and the torture and peace of being alone.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jensen rifled through his cabin one last time, making sure he hadn’t left anything behind. Though he knew to depths of his being that he'd made the right choice, years on submarines weren't something he'd ever forget and Jensen was committing his quarters to memory since he'd not see them again. He took a deep breath and opened his closet to retrieve his jacket. Kane would be in charge from the moment he stepped ashore, was already in charge as far as Jensen was concerned and all that was left was for him to actually gather his things and leave.

Kane rattled on the captain's quarters for the last time, since they would soon be his. "Sir? Permission to come in?"

"Come in," Jensen said, standing straight with his jacket on and his bags at the ready.

Chris entered and studied his former captain for a long moment, before saying in a thick voice, "I wish you weren't leaving, Sir. I understand why you are, but- the Bowfin won’t be the same without her captain."

"You’re her captain now, Kane, and you’ll do her well and me proud." Jensen smiled at Christian, nodding slightly. "You’ve been a good leader and the men here will do well under your command." He scrubbed his left hand over the back of his neck before reaching his right one out to shake Christian's.

Chris took his hand and shook it. "I'll try not to dishonor her or you, Sir... any more than I already have." He ducked his head and then lifted it again. "What’ll you do?"

Jensen gripped Christian's hand tight. Though he'd never forget, Jensen had forgiven the other man his actions already. "I think I shall teach. The Navy has agreed to that reassignment as of my last communications with them. I hope to be able to bring even more great men to command."

Chris smiled and said, " I’m sure many will benefit from your instruction, Sir, as I have here. I'm glad the Navy has not lost another good man." He paused and then went on, "I'd like to see you, Sir, as a friend, when I'm in your area. Would you- I mean, am I  
welcome?"

"Yes, of course you are," Jensen said. "I’m not certain where I’ll end up at the moment, but you can always reach me through the Navy post. I would welcome a visit the next time you’re in port."

"Thank you, Sir," Chris said and snapped off a salute, whole body assuming rigid posture. "And best of luck with everything."

Jensen returned the salute, appreciating Christian's consideration since the submarine was now under his command. "You too. You take care of her and yourself on the next tour." He nodded, shouldered his packs and then climbed up and out of the submarine. Taking a long look around him, Jensen walked off slowly, hand trailing lovingly over the rails. The Bowfin was his beauty; he'd brought her through a lot, and Jensen choked up slightly at the thought of leaving it all behind.

From the dock, a tall figure stood in the shadows, watching the crew disembark from the Bowfin. He leaned heavily against the wall of the building he shaded under, his frame thin and trembling slightly. When Jensen emerged from the submarine, he stood at his full height and watched him with wide, longing eyes. And then, pushing away from the supporting stone, he limped painfully slow across the ground. "Jen," he called, voice less than a whisper. Clearing his throat, he tried again, "Jen!"

Pausing, Jensen looked quickly around and then shook his head. It was only his mind playing tricks, though he could’ve sworn he'd heard Jared calling for him. Another look around and Jensen walked again, away from the Bowfin and toward an uncertain future. 

Stumbling forward as fast as his dragging leg would allow him, the man called again, loud and desperate, "Please, Jen!"

Jensen stopped, disbelief on his face while he scanned the crowd. When his gaze fell on a familiar figure ambling his way, Jensen stopped and waited. He pasted what he hoped was a politely inquiring look on his face that turned to utter shock when Jared limped closer.

Jared stopped a few feet from Jensen, eyes already flowing with tears at the stunned, disbelieving look on Jensen's face. "It's me," he whispered, ignoring everyone else around them. "Jen?"

"Jay?" Jensen asked, not believing his eyes. He reached out, hand almost grasping him. "But you're dead, lost at sea," he choked out, eyes flooding with tears that blurred his vision until he blinked them frantically away.

Jared stumble-limped the last few steps and grasped Jensen's hand, threading their fingers together. "Almost lost at sea," he said. "One of six survivors." He wiped at his own tears with his free hand. "I couldn't get word to you, Jen. I wasn't found for almost a week and then I was in the hospital for two months before I was well enough to do anything. And by the time I could write, you were heading back to port, with no way for me to reach you."

Jensen gripped Jared's fingers tight. He stared into Jared's face, tears still cascading down his cheeks. "Oh god, I thought I'd lost you forever." Dropping his packs, Jensen pulled Jared to him, arms wrapping around more than they'd ever been able to before. He choked on a sob before burying his face in Jared's throat.

Jared gasped a little as Jensen grabbed his wounded side, but then buried his face in Jensen's hair, crying tears of relief that he had found his love again. "I thought I might be too late, that you’d already left, and I'd never find you again."

"I never thought I'd see you again, Jay." Jensen pulled back, alternately laughing and crying. He scanned Jared's face, incredulous that his love stood before him, wrapped around him.

Jared cupped Jensen's face in a big hand and wiped away his tears with a thumb. "I've been given a medical discharge from the Navy," he said, ashamed. "My leg’s pretty messed up, and my left side, too. I’d already put in a request to rejoin the Bowfin."

Jensen held him tight, trembling and shaking his head. "I resigned." He laughed, almost hysterically, and then shook his head again. "I couldn't go back down there without you. I couldn't walk one more second on that sub without you." Not remembering where he was, Jensen pulled Jared into a deep kiss.

“Resigned? Oh, Jen," Jared breathed as the kiss parted and then kissed his face, also heedless of where they were. 

"Yeah, I'm no longer Captain of the Bowfin." Jensen laughed nervously, at the idea. "I'm between assignments for my leave and then will likely be teaching."

"You'll be a good teacher," Jared said, pressing closer to Jensen. "Jen, please, can we go somewhere I can sit down?" He put a hand on his trembling left leg. "I don't think I can stand much longer and I want- I just want to be alone with you. Please."

Jensen nodded, instantly solicitous of Jared's leg. "Of course. Anywhere. Do you have a room? A place?" He blushed at the implications, but hoped so much that Jared had somewhere they could disappear to.

"I have a small place a few blocks from here. We can get a taxi?" Jared asked, gesturing toward the street. He picked up one of Jensen's small bags and began to hobble toward the curb.

"Oh Jay, don't I have that..." Jensen said, shaking his head and watching his lover hobble off with his pack. He grabbed the other two and hurried after Jared.

Jared signaled a cab and then turned a little to smile at Jensen. There was happiness in his eyes, though his face looked worn and sick. "I've missed you so much, Jen," he said, as the other man drew near.

Jensen smiled and just shook his head. "I've mourned for your loss since I heard. I just can't believe you are here."

"Oh, Jen," Jared whispered, thin voice cracking. More tears dribbled from his eyes. "I wish I could have told you. There was no way... all I could think of was you." He opened the door as a cab pulled up and smiled tiredly at the driver.

"Climb in," Jensen said, taking his bag back and waiting for Jared. He could clearly see that the walk over had tired his lover.

Jared got inside, ducking low to avoid hitting his head and pulling his bad leg after him. Tucking himself into a corner, he smiled at Jensen and said to the driver, "1432 Octavia Street, please."

Jensen tossed a couple of his bags in on the floor and climbed in after Jared before pulling the door closed. He smiled at Jared and reached out to slide his fingers over Jared's hand.

Jared leaned against Jensen. "This all right, Jen?" he asked softly. "I want to be near you."

"Yeah, of course," Jensen said, tugging Jared even closer. He looked at the cabbie, eyes staying mostly straight ahead, though he rubbed his cheek on Jared's head. "I thought I lost you."

"I'm here, Jen," Jared whispered. "Here." His eyes fluttered shut. "I wanted to lift you in my arms when we met again, twirl you around." He made a little sobbing noise. "Won't ever be able to do that again."

Jensen turned and kissed Jared's temple. "I don't need you to lift me up, just want and need you to be there next to me... so I know you are my support."

"Had all these fantasies about how we'd fly into each other arms and kiss, like in the movies," Jared murmured. "Instead, 'm too tired to even sit up." He snuggled closer at Jensen's kiss. "But I'm happy, so happy, Jen.”

"I don't need a fantasy. I need the reality," Jensen said quietly into Jared's hair. He closed his eyes and sighed in a breath of Jared's scent. "Just want to hold you for a couple of lifetimes."

Jared wound his arms around Jensen and stroked his side. "I love you, Jen. When Chris sent me away... I wanted to throw myself at your feet and beg you to take me with you."

Jensen choked out a laugh. "If I could have, I would have hidden you in my quarters." He shook his head and kissed the top of Jared's head. "I made Chris' life hell."

Jared smiled sleepily as he imagined it and said, "I did my best on the Dakota, but I never fit in as well. And we were under heavy fire all the time... it was hard to do anything but try and cope." He shuddered and whimpered softly in his throat. "And then we were sunk. Oh **god**."

"Shhhh. You don't have to tell me, Jay. It's okay. I love you," Jensen said softly. 

Jared nodded and lifted his head to press a kiss to Jensen's chin. "I love you, too," he said. "I've been waiting to hear about the Bowfin since I was alert enough to know what was going on." He yawned and rested a hand over Jensen's heart. "Can't believe I'm with you."

"Can't believe it either. Almost there, Jay. You can rest once we get you home." Jensen grinned to himself at the thought of them being tucked away together.

"It's not much, Jen. Just a couple of rooms and a big bed for me. My family wanted to stick close, but I sent them back to Texas once I felt well enough. Wanted it to just be us when you got here."

Jensen smiled. "We could live under a tent, and I could love that just as much because you’re with me."

"We're not very good foot soldiers," Jared mumbled. "Wouldn't like tents."

"No, no we wouldn't," Jensen said. "But nor were we all that well suited for the water, either."

"You were suited to the water," Jared said with a little yawn. "You made it so far, Jen."

Jensen shook his head. "I wasn't functioning, Jay... not once I thought you were gone."

Jared shivered and lifted his head to gaze into Jensen's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Jen. I never wanted to cost you the Bowfin. She means so much to you."

"You mean more," Jensen said. He reached out and stroked his fingers over Jared's cheek with a quiet smile. "And you didn't cost me the Bowfin... circumstances, life, did and that's okay."

Jared pressed into Jensen's fingers, starved for his love, and sighed softly. "You mean everything to me, Jen. I was miserable without you."

"I’m sorry you went through that, Jay." Jensen stroked his fingers slowly back and forth again. "Love you," he whispered so quietly.

Jared smiled and lifted his mouth to kiss Jensen, heedless of the driver. "Love you, too, Jen. And we won't ever be parted again?"

Jensen kissed him back, brief and softly. "Never again, Jay. Not if I can help it."

"I need time to rest and build back up my strength, but then I can work again. I can find a job wherever we are, Jen. Doesn't matter what it is, as long as we are together." Jared sighed and rested his head back on Jensen's shoulder. "So tired."

"We'll get you home and resting soon, Jay. I have to report in a fortnight to receive my teaching assignment. We don't have to think of anything until that time." Jensen cradled Jared close and pressed a gentle kiss to his temple.

Jared sighed and twined his fingers in Jensen's uniform jacket. He drifted toward sleep, until the taxi slowed and pulled over. "We here?" he asked and then blinked, remembering Jensen had never been here. "Oh. Yeah. We're here."

Jensen chuckled softly, kissing Jared's temple and then pulling back slightly. He smiled and then reached into his pocket to pay the driver before climbing out and reaching his hand back to his lover to help him out.

Jared stumbled a little as his bad leg dragged out the door, but then righted himself with what was getting to be a familiar movement. "Thanks. I'm even klutzier now than I used to be."

"Somehow I doubt that," Jensen teased, reaching in and grabbed all of his packs, slinging them over his shoulders and picking them up in his hands.

Jared ducked his head, hair longer again, and wished he could hide behind it. "I’m damaged, Jen," he said softly. "I lost a lot of mobility in my leg."

Jensen shook his head. "You're alive, Jared. Alive... you can't begin to understand how much that means."

Jared nodded and raised his head to smile at Jensen. He reached out a hand, wanting to take one of Jensen's. "I'll take you home now."

"Please, I want to see your place." Jensen tangled his fingers in Jared's and squeezed his hand tight.

"Our place," Jared corrected, "until we find somewhere together. Somewhere that really is ours." He led Jensen into the small apartment building and to the old elevator. Pulling the gate open, he gestured him in. "After you, mon capitan."

Jensen chuckled and preceded Jared into the elevator. "At least you don't have to worry about stairs. How long have you been staying here? And how often have you come to the port?"

Jared shut the gate behind them with a screech and pressed the button for the third floor. "Megan helped me find a place to live when I was about to be discharged from the hospital. She stayed with me for a few weeks to help me adjust to living on my own and get strong enough to handle it. I still need help getting food and stuff, but I get stronger every week." He smiled at Jensen. "I started going to the port everyday this week, when I heard you were coming back."

"I never expected... obviously," Jensen said, breaking off with a dry chuckle. "If only I'd known you weren't dead, but then I'd be preparing to go back out for another tour in two weeks. And I don't want that. Not now that I have you."

Jared fumbled with the keys to his apartment and then eased the door open, revealing a small, but neatly furnished apartment. "Kitchen is to the left. Bedroom to the right. And my living room is well, here." He gestured to the room and hobbled to the couch, lowering himself down with a weary sigh. Looking back up to Jensen, he was startled by the tears in his own eyes. "I'm so glad to hear you say that, Jen."

Jensen smiled, dropped his packs where they were and then crossed to sit on the couch and pull Jared into his arms. "I don't want to be parted from you ever again, Jay. Not ever."

Jared buried his head in Jensen's neck and wrapped his arms tight around his waist. "Jensen," he whispered. "I was so afraid I'd never see you again."

"We'd have found each other, I'm certain." Jensen smiled and nuzzled Jared's temples. "I was planning to go see your parents to tell them what a brave man you were, what an amazing person."

Jared smiled and lifted his head to kiss Jensen's chin. "I told them all about you. What an amazing captain you are and how much you helped me." He paused and tucked close to him again. "Megan knows... about us."

Jensen tightened his grip on Jared reflexively. "She does?" he asked, voice soft and almost fearful. "What does she think?"

"She was a little nervous, cause it could get us into trouble, but she was happy I'd found someone. That was more important to her." Jared smiled as he thought of his little sister. "She wants to meet you."

"I would like that, Jay. Very much. Maybe someday she can come visit us...when we are settled." Jensen rubbed his cheek on Jared's head and nuzzled him.

"I want a home with you, Jen," Jared whispered. "Somewhere far away from other people, where we can be who we are without fear."

Jensen nodded. "We can have that. It might have to wait until after the war. I have to fulfill requirements with the Navy first, but we’ll have that together."

"I like hearing you speak in the long term," Jared murmured. He sighed and then pulled away from Jensen. "You must be hungry. Can I make you some dinner?"

"I'm fine, right here with you in my arms, Jay." Jensen kissed Jared gently and tugged him right back against his chest. "I don't want to move for awhile yet."

Jared carefully lifted his legs so they could lie on the couch, the left one arranged so that no weight rested on it. He rested against Jensen's chest, feeling safe and loved in his arms. For the first time since Chris had sent him off the Bowfin, he felt totally happy.  
"I don't ever want to move."

Jensen chuckled. "I know how you feel, though we shall eventually have to move... even if it is just to go to bed to sleep." He pressed another kiss to Jared's temple and sighed happily.

"And eat," Jared said. "Now that I can eat solids again, I don't want to miss dinner. And I've been teaching myself to cook." He stroked down Jensen's dress coat. "Want to take this off?"

"Yeah, probably should. Actually, want to get into some civvies." Jensen kissed Jared's cheek and then brushed his lips over Jared's mouth. "You more hungry or tired?"

Jared blinked sleepily at him, but smiled and said, "I want to make you dinner. Show you what I've learned. Even on rations."

Jensen smiled. "Why don't you do that while I change and put my things in the bedroom then?"

Jared flushed at the idea of Jensen putting his things in the bedroom, solid proof that they were living together. "There's plenty of room in the closet and the dresser, Jen. Just put your stuff wherever feels comfortable."

"I will. Thank you." Jensen smiled, turning Jared's head so that he could kiss him more thoroughly. "I am so glad you came to find me."

Jared gasped and kissed back, body pressing against Jensen's. "I'd be lost without you... I was lost." He petted Jensen's chest and then settled his hands over his heart. "I never did anything harder than walk away from you."

Jensen nodded, bringing his hand up to cover Jared's. "The hardest thing I ever did was go on after I thought you were dead... the second hardest was letting you walk away from me." He took a breath. "I almost killed Kane that day."

"Oh god, Jen, if I had heard you were dead, I would have jumped overboard." Jared trembled and pulled him close and tight. "Thank you for going on."

Jensen hugged Jared tight. "I’m glad that you heard no such news, especially in light of the news about you being wrong." He pressed gentle kisses over Jared's nose and cheeks.

"Yes, so glad," Jared said and leaned into the kisses, stroking over Jensen's body. He sighed and said, "We'll never get anywhere this way."

Laughing, Jensen brushed his nose over Jared's in an ‘Eskimo’ kiss before pushing him into a seated position. "Yes, and the sooner we get fed and I get unpacked, the sooner we can retire for the evening." He grinned and stood, offering Jared his hands.

"Yes," Jared said and beamed up at Jensen. "That's how you got to be captain... so smart." He took his hands and allowed himself to be hauled up.

"And good at self-preservation, too. An unfed Jared is less fun to play with," Jensen teased, winking at him and squeezing his hands tightly.

Jared hung his head at the mention of his former appetite and blushed a little. "Not so hungry anymore," he muttered.

Jensen frowned. "Well that's not right is it? We'll just have to build up your appetite, then." Jensen tilted Jared's head up with his fingers and kissed him solidly on the lips.

Jared moaned and leaned into the kiss, reaching out to hold tight to Jensen. "Doc said it would take a little while. My stomach had to readjust to everything." 

"All kinds of healing takes time, Jay." Jensen closed his eyes and held Jared close. "Make some dinner. I'm not going anywhere, promise."

Jared nodded and then smiled for Jensen. "That will help me get my appetite back, knowing you are here." He kissed his forehead and then limped off toward the kitchen.

Jensen took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment and then removed his coat. He took his time putting that away, gathering his packs and then heading into the bedroom that was Jared's until that day. It took him awhile to settle his things, but Jensen was glad for the task, mind still whirling that Jared was not only alive, but here and waiting for him.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared sat on the bed, tongue slipping out of his teeth and eyes narrowed in concentration. Each night for the week Jensen had been there, he had waited until his lover was in the shower before pulling out his medicated lotion and applying it carefully to the burns on his left side. He knew he couldn't hide his injuries from Jensen forever, but so far, his lover had shown extreme consideration and wanted nothing more than to cuddle close at night, after nothing more than a few tender kisses. 

And Jared was in no hurry to show Jensen his damaged flesh or twisted leg... he just wanted a little more time before he saw the horror and pity in Jensen's eyes. So, he cared for his wounds when Jensen was not around and then covered his body with soft, long-sleeved shirts and pants and pajamas when he was.

Jensen toweled off quickly, knowing that Jared would be changing into his nightclothes already. And while Jensen desperately wanted and tried to give Jared all the room in the world that he wanted and needed, he was aching to be close to his lover again. So, Jensen finished drying off, wrapped the towel around his waist, tucked in the end and then opened the bathroom door to step into the bedroom. Jared's back was to him, but his lover was bare from the waist up and was bent over his side doing something. "Jay?" he asked quietly.

Jared bit his tongue hard in his startled effort not to yelp, nearly falling off the bed. He dropped his lotion to the floor and managed to struggle to his feet. "Jensen," he said, turning to hide is left side. "I- uh- I didn't expect you to be done so fast."

"I thought not." Jensen bit his lip, looking at Jared with sadness. "Why are you hiding from me, Jay? I was hoping we might talk about resuming our intimacies."

Jared dropped his eyes and nodded, a combination of shy, scared, ashamed and hopeful. "I long to be close to you again, too, Jen," he whispered. He slowly moved to pick up his lotion and then straightened, turning ever so slowly, forcing himself to let Jensen see.

Jensen crossed to Jared's side, his eyes on Jared's intently. "I love you, Jay. I thought you were dead. There is nothing that will change how I feel about you at all, okay?" He cupped Jared's face in his hands, stroking his thumbs lightly over Jared's cheeks.

"You can love me and still not want to touch," Jared whispered, gesturing to reddened skin, mixed with a few scarred areas, on his left side. He turned to kiss Jensen's palm. "I wouldn't blame you, Jen."

Brushing his thumb over Jared's lip, Jensen kissed him lightly and then reached down to touch his skin as gently. "There is no part of you that I don't want to touch, my love." He looked into Jared's eyes. "Teach me how to take care of you. Please."

Tears burned in Jared's eyes, but he nodded and held out the lotion. "I need to apply this nightly to keep my skin moist and prevent infections," he said, voice shaking. "I can get most of myself with no problem, but some of my back and side are hard to reach."

"You never have to do it alone ever again, Jared." Jensen pulled him into a gentle kiss before leaning back to smile at him. "Now, how much do I need to put on and where do you still have left to do tonight?"

Jared shivered and gently turned to show Jensen his back and more of his upper side. "I was to the hardest parts, up high toward my shoulder and my back. You just need a thin coating to moisten." He smiled shyly at Jensen and then whispered, "My mom looked sick when she saw the extent of my injuries. I- I was afraid you might feel the same way."

Jensen shook his head. "She was not sickened by you, I guarantee it, Jay. She was probably just sick at the thought of her baby having been so badly hurt." He pressed a kiss to Jared's cheek and then opened the lotion and squirted some on his fingers to spread it lightly over the wounds.

Jared hissed a little and then relaxed under the gentle touch. He shut his eyes and let his emotions swirl inside him, so grateful to Jensen for being tender and loving. "I can't lie on my back or left side yet," he whispered. "We'll have to find a way to be intimate that I can do without that. And my skin and leg are sensitive."

"There is so much to being intimate, Jay. We’ll figure out what works for us, I promise you that." Jensen smiled at him and squeezed some more lotion on his fingers before moving along to spread it over a different section of the wound.

Jared sighed and pressed into the gentle fingers, each touch relaxing him more. "I know, Jen. I just- you just need to know I have some limitations right now."

Jensen nodded. "Thank you for telling me. The last thing I want would be to hurt you."

Jared smiled at Jensen. "I know. I want this to work between us, too. The physical stuff, I mean." He blushed a brilliant red and ducked his head.

"It will, Jay. I have no doubt, and you shouldn't either, if you remember our passion?" Jensen looked at Jared, hoping he'd not been the only one to truly have been affected by their love-making.

Jared winced at the words and shook his head. "I didn't mean- of course I remember our passion." He gritted his teeth against the well of hurt inside. "I just don't want my injuries to interfere. That's all I meant." He looked away from Jensen, trying to shove down his wild emotions.

"Oh," Jensen said, relief flooding him. He reached up and brought Jared's face up to look into his eyes. "I’m sorry to have implied you might not remember... I didn't mean that. I was simply afraid that maybe you were not interested in me that way any longer.

Jared shook his head and caressed Jensen's face. "How can you think that? You’re the most desirable person I have ever met. I'm the one who's damaged."

Jensen shook his head, pulling Jared's lips to his for a kiss. "Your injuries don’t damage you, love. Not in my eyes, and I hope mine are the only ones that matter," Jensen teased Jared gently. "You are still the amazingly beautiful and perfect man I fell in love with on the Bowfin."

"Yours are the only ones that matter," Jared said with a firm nod. He leaned his forehead against Jensen's and sighed contentedly. "Can't believe we're here, together again."

Snorting, Jensen gripped Jared's shoulder. "I know," he said with a heartfelt passion for finding his lover alive.

Jared smiled at the snort and kissed Jensen's nose. "Done with my lotion?" he asked and stroked a hand down Jensen's chest. "I'd like to be with you."

"One more spot," Jensen said, kissing him briefly before stepping back and smearing more lotion on his fingers. He carefully finished up the last of the mark on Jared's back before capping the lotion and handing back to Jared. "No more hiding, love. We're in this life together, and it's going to be hard enough so, we have to _be_ together, okay?"

Jared felt ashamed and hung his head, after a little nod. "Yes, Jen."

Jensen tilted Jared's head up and kissed him. "None of that. I love you, and I'm pretty damn certain you love me... so, let's try to do some of that loving, okay?" He pulled Jared gently into his arms, now able to see where he needed to be careful when touching his lover.

Jared settled into Jensen's arms and whispered, "I do love you, Jen. Only more since we found each other again. You've been so good to me." He kissed down his face and settled his head in the crook of Jensen's shoulder and neck.

"That's what love does, right? You'd be good to me no matter what." Jensen grinned and kissed Jared firmly.

"No matter what," Jared assured him, kissing back and then looking at the bed. "How?"

"What side can you rest on? We can always just get used to touching each other again... maybe you could let me suck you," Jensen added, hopefully.

Jared flushed and said, "I'd like to relearn your body, how to touch and please you." He eased himself out of Jensen's arms and hobbled a few steps to align himself carefully on the bed. "This is the way I can rest on my right side."

Jensen grinned and shucked off his towel before joining Jared on the bed. He curled on his left side, facing his lover and reached out to stroke his fingers over Jared's cheek. "See, we can do this."

Jared's eyes fluttered and then he reached out to touch and caress Jensen, too. "You're so warm and soft. Like silk." He thumbed over both nipples and rolled them in his fingers. "But hard and strong, too."

Trembling under the exploring touches, Jensen huffed out a soft breath. "You are all those things, too, Jay." Jensen stroked his hand down Jared's chest, teasing at one nipple.

"I'm kinda crispy, too," Jared said, offering the small joke with a smile. He groaned when Jensen touched his nipple, arching into the touch. "Feels good, Jen."

Jensen chuckled. "You're all things to me, Jay." He rubbed his thumb over Jared's nipple again. "I remember how much you loved when I touched you like this, how loud it made you cry out."

Jared moaned again and said, "Still make me cry out for you, Jen." He tried to focus his attentions back on Jensen, which was hard when Jensen touched his nipples and worshipped his body as if he were not at all damaged.

"Good, I want to make you cry out, always in pleasure, though." Jensen scooted closer, stroking his hand down over Jared's stomach.

"You said before... about sucking me," Jared whispered. "I like that, too. Want to do the same for you." He caught Jensen's roaming hand and lifted it to kiss and suck on each finger.

Jensen moaned, letting his hand relax in Jared's. "Yeah? I think we can both do that... maybe not at the same time, though. Don't want to hurt you."

"Same time?" Jared asked with wide eyes. He looked down their bodies and then whispered, "Can that even be done?"

"Maybe when you're healthier," Jensen said. "But I've heard it is possible with a man and woman, so why not for us?"

"I have never thought of it," Jared confessed and blushed. "I want to try now." He leaned forward to kiss and nuzzle Jensen. "If it hurts me, we can stop."

Jensen kissed Jared softly and then pulled back, eyes searching his. "Are you certain? I should never do anything to hurt you."

"As I have never tried this before, I cannot be certain it will not hurt me," Jared said, "but I am certain I want to try."

"Okay, we can try. Can you scoot a little closer to the center and maybe down slightly?" Jensen slid off the bed, grabbed his pillow and then placed near Jared's hips. He wasn't certain about lining their bodies up, but he was going to do his best.

Jared moved as instructed and watched as Jensen set the pillow down. He grabbed one, too, not sure what was to be done with them. "Like this?"

Jensen nodded. "Yeah, perfect. I think the pillow might help us be more comfortable...to lean on." He blushed and then settled himself on the bed so that his legs were bent and up near the head. Jared's cock was right in front of him, and Jensen hoped he was going to be able to make this good.

Jared grasped Jensen's cock gently in one hand and stroked slowly, hoping to make him grow hard. "You haven't been enjoying this much yet, have you?" he murmured sadly.

Gasping at Jared's touch, Jensen trembled and then curled his fingers around Jared and stroked lightly. "Neither have you, Jay."

Jared sighed as Jensen touched him, murmuring soft words of pleasure. He pressed into the careful hand and groaned appreciatively, feeling himself start to fill. He tried harder to give Jensen the same pleasure, wanting this to be equal between them.

"Love your touch, Jay," Jensen said, shifting slight and pressing into Jared's hand. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the tip of Jared's cock before going back to stroking him.

Jared gasped at the touch of lips and then leaned down to suck lightly on Jensen's cock in return. The taste blasted over his tongue, and he found himself taking more in and sucking hungrily. Moaning low, he began to work his mouth down Jensen, eager for everything.

Jensen choked on his indrawn breath, head tipping back for a second before he remembered that he was supposed to be pleasing Jared, too. He moaned for his lover and then flicked his tongue out and ran it along the slit on the head. Sucking in the moisture that gathered, Jensen moaned again and stroked Jay just a bit more to get him all the way hard.

Jared lost his rhythm with Jensen, head falling back on a low moan. He bucked his hips a little and then managed to get himself back under control. Licking again at Jensen's cock, he captured some of Jensen's essence and let the flavor explode over his tongue. "So good, Jen."

"It is good, Jay. So glad it's not hurting you," Jensen said, stroking his hand up and down Jared's cock while flicking his tongue into the slit.

"No pain, Jen," Jared assured, pleasure in his tone. He slid his mouth further down Jensen's cock and sucked eagerly, humming softly under his breath.

Jensen opened his mouth around the head of Jared's cock, sucking him hard and sliding his head up and down. He curled his tongue around, flicked the tip over the bundle of nerves just under the head before sliding further down.

Jared nearly choked on Jensen's cock as his lover worked him expertly. He snorted and then tried to return to pleasuring Jensen. Finally, he pulled off with a low moan of muddled frustration. "This is hard."

Chuckling, Jensen lifted his head and rested it lightly on Jared's leg. "It's harder than I thought it would be," he admitted, still stroking Jared with each word.

"I keep getting lost when you touch me," Jared breathed. "You make me forget what I’m about." He sighed and kissed Jensen's stomach. 

Jensen sighed, his body responding to Jared's light breath on his skin. "You make me forget too. It feels so amazing to have your mouth on me."

"It's fun though," Jared said. "Touching you as you touch me. Getting distracted by each other." He nuzzled and then nipped at Jensen's thigh. "I love you."

"Love you, too," Jensen said, watching Jared. He continued to stroke his cock slow and steady.

"It's fun though," Jared said. "Touching you as you touch me. Getting distracted by each other." He nuzzled and then nipped at Jensen's thigh. "I love you."

"Love you, too," Jensen said, watching Jared. He continued to stroke his cock slow and steady.

Jared arched into the gentle fingers and sighed. "Jen. So good to me, Jen." He leaned back down to suck and lick at his cock and nuzzle into his balls.

Jensen grinned and then nibbled his way up one side of Jared's cock and then down the other after teasing the tip. "Yeah, we're good for and to each other. Always."

Jared shifted and then hissed a little in pain, as well as pleasure. He licked up his cock and then over the head to suck again. Eyes closing, he tried to focus all his attention on Jensen, which he was only partially successful at doing.

Letting Jared take control for a moment, Jensen stroked him lightly. "You okay?" he asked, able to understand that one gasp was different from his moans of pleasure.

Jared moved his mouth away from Jensen's cock and licked the head a few times. "Just jarred my side a little," Jared said. "It happens sometimes." He returned to sucking, pleased with how far he could take Jensen in now.

"If you're certain," Jensen said, moaning when his cock hit the back of Jared's throat. It was all he could do not to buck into the warm wetness.

Jared choked a little and pulled back with a rueful hum. He sucked even harder and bobbed his head up and down, without taking him in as deep. He placed his hand at the base of Jensen's cock and stroked up and down to make up the difference.

Jensen moaned, hand still moving on Jared's cock. He pulled himself out of his pleasured haze to suck the tip back into his mouth. Closing his eyes, Jensen hummed around the taste and feel of Jared in his mouth.

Jared groaned at the renewed attentions and thrust up into Jensen's mouth. He scraped his teeth lightly over Jensen and then pulled off again. "Close, Jen."

"God me too," Jensen said with a rough chuckle before suckling on Jared again. He bobbed his head, hoping that it would be enough to make his lover come in his mouth.

Jared lasted a few bobs and then cried out, loud and long, as he came into the warm, perfect man. He gripped Jensen's back and shuddered and bucked through his release. "Jen!"

Jensen suckled him through his orgasm, flicking his tongue out to try and catch all of Jared's release. He finally had to pull back, panting softly and liking the stray splashes on his lips.

Jared relaxed into the mattress with a low groan of satiation, eyes closed. "Fuck, Jen, so good." He reached out to stroked Jensen's side and thighs, not really focused.

Licking his lips, Jensen reached out and stroked his finger idly over Jared's stomach. He loved the way the muscles rippled under his touch, the way Jared left himself open to such small touches.

Jared sighed and then smiled up at Jensen. "You have not finished, Jen. Would you like to be inside me?"

Jensen shook his head somewhat shyly. "Would you finish me with your mouth?" he asked, quietly.

Jared refused to let himself wonder why Jensen did not want to be inside him and instead, took Jensen back in his mouth again. Without the distraction of Jensen's sucking him, he could concentrate on pleasuring his lover. He swallowed him as deep as possible, bobbing up and down in a steady manner. He flicked his tongue over the bundle of nerves at the head and captured all the leakage from the slit with happy moans.

Already so close to his orgasm, Jensen closed his eyes and tipped his head back. He gasped softly, one hand coming down to thread in Jared's hair while he lost himself to the drugging sensations of Jared's mouth on him. Jensen mumbled words of love and praise to Jared before gasping and going rigid on his side while pulsing into Jared's mouth.

Jared swallowed only once, before pulling back to let Jensen shoot all over him. He shut his eyes and enjoyed the warm splashes that got all over him, evidence that Jensen still loved and wanted him in all ways. He stroked his cock through orgasm, only letting go when the last pulses stopped. He still cradled his lover's sex in one gentle hand.

"Love you," Jensen said on a sigh, opening his eyes and reaching out to clean a swipe of come off Jared's cheek. "I nearly died when I thought you were lost to me forever, Jay. I still cannot believe that we are here together sometimes."

Jared looked up at Jensen from his skewed angle and whispered, "Come here, Jen? I can't move to you easily."

Jensen nodded, sliding off the bed and then climbing back on so that they were eye-to-eye and lips-to-lips. He kissed Jared lightly. "Anything for you."

Jared pulled Jensen to him and buried his face in Jensen's neck. "Will you come inside me next time?"

"Yeah, just wasn't sure I could control myself tonight... not enough to keep from hurting you." Jensen rubbed his cheek on Jared's head, eyes closing in contentment.

Jared nuzzled Jensen's chest and pressed a kiss there. "Couldn't control yourself?" he asked, half proud and half curious.

Jensen shook his head. "Was afraid I'd move too hard or fast or grab you somewhere that would hurt you." He smiled shyly and then kissed Jared gently on the lips.

Jared kissed the shy smile and then wrapped his arms tighter around Jensen, body thrumming low with need and happiness. He stroked over Jensen's perfect body, reveling in how whole and safe he was there in Jared's arms. His hands traced each inch of skin, dancing over his spine and into his short hair. "You are here."

"We’re both here and that is the most important thing. I love you, Jay. And I'm so glad that we are going to have a life together... no matter how difficult it might be." Jensen stroked his thumb over Jared's cheek with a smile.

Jared chased the thumb and sucked it into his mouth, shutting his eyes to suck happily. He let go after a little chewing and then smiled sweetly at Jensen. "Be harder to live without you, Jen. I never want to let you go again."

Jensen grinned, rubbing his thumb over Jared's lips. "I certainly hope we shall never have to find out, Jay. Not ever."

"When do you hear about your new post?" Jared asked, settling his head on Jensen's shoulder, cuddled up against him in as comfortable a position as he could manage.

"Probably soon. I wouldn't be surprised if something comes in the next couple of days as my leave is nearly up." Jensen smiled sadly, knowing that would mean a return to the real world for them both.

Jared nodded and kissed Jensen's thumb. "Where do you want to go, Jen? What would make you happy?"

Jensen smiled. "I don't know that it matters until I am officially out of the Navy. I shall go where they send me, but I think teaching would be a nice occupation. I can impart what I know to others who are just starting."

"When you get settled at your new post, I’ll find a job," Jared said. "The docs say I need to rest for a few more weeks before I can start work, but then I should be in the clear. I can't really do heavy activity without risking damaging my side, but I'll find something." He sighed and nuzzled Jensen. "Be hard having to live apart from you again."

"We just won't live apart then. I’ve enough seniority; I don't need to live in the housing they provide. We'll make it work... no matter where we are." Jensen kissed Jared again, brushing their lips together.

"You'd live off base for me?" Jared asked breathlessly. He beamed and kissed Jensen more passionately, tangling their tongues.

Jensen returned Jared's kiss, holding him close and tight. When they both pulled back for a breath, Jensen chuckled and rubbed their noses together. "Of course I would, Jay. I love you. I want to be with you."

"It's just such a hassle. They make you fill out so much paperwork." Jared smiled and found his own laugh. "It's nice to know I'm worth a ream of paperwork."

Laughing, Jensen reached out and tickled Jared. "I might just make you do the paperwork for me since you're so good at it."

Jared laughed and squirmed under Jensen's attack, before jerking back too hard and gasping in pain. "Damn... I always forget." He snuggled back up to Jensen, breathing hard until he calmed down. "Will we make love again now, Jen?"

Jensen stroked his hand gently over Jared's head, leaning in to kiss him. "If you want, Jay. I just don't want to push your body's limits."

"I do," Jared said with a pout. "I want you inside me, claiming me all over again. I need that connection with you, Jen. It's been too long."

"But if you can't lay on your back, and I can't hold your side, I'm not sure how we should do this." Jensen wanted Jared deeply, but was afraid of hurting his lover.

"May I, uh, sit on you?" Jared asked, blushing. He smiled hopefully at Jensen, eyes shining in the semidarkness.

Jensen blinked and then nodded eagerly. "Yes, then you can control it so I do not hurt you," he said, beaming at Jared before curling his hand behind Jared's neck and pulling him into a deep, thorough kiss.

Jared kissed back and sucked hungrily at Jensen's tongue. He released him, only to sit up and then crawl stiffly off the bed. He limped to the dresser and rattled through the drawers, before pulling out a vial of oil. "I read about using this. Supposed to make everything easier."

"Can you lay on your stomach? I can get you ready for me that way." Jensen stood up from the bed and reached for the bottle, smiling at Jared and leaning against his shoulder.

"Oh, yes!" Jared said and handed Jensen the bottle. He stretched himself out carefully on his stomach, lifting his ass ever so slightly in offering. "Want you to claim me."

Jensen fumbled with a pillow and then placed it near Jared. "Here, why don't you lay on that so you don't have to hold yourself up." He smiled shyly and reached out to stroke a finger gently down Jared's back.

Jared shivered at the touch and then rested his weight on the pillow. "Smart Jen," he said with a smile over his shoulder. "Thank you."

"I just want to take care of you," Jensen said, pressing a kiss to Jared's shoulder. He opened the bottle and spread some of the oil on his fingers. "You ready?" he asked, stroking a hand over Jared's back again.

"Oh, yes," Jared said and pushed his ass up more, spreading his good leg wider. "Please, Jen, don't make me wait. I've dreamed of this."

Jensen grinned at Jared's eagerness, stroking his back again to soothe him before slowly parting Jared's ass cheeks to look at the tiny hole. Stroking one finger down the cleft, Jensen teased lightly at Jared's hole and wiggled his finger around slightly. "So tiny, Jay. Don't want to hurt you."

"We did this before, Jen," Jared said with a little whine. "I want you in me, so deep I can feel you to my toes. Please." He pressed up into the finger, whimpering at the tease.

"Yes, okay," Jensen said, pressing his finger against Jared's hole and watching it slide slowly inside. He stroked in and out, watching Jared the whole while and stroking his back with his free hand.

Jared let out a guttural groan when Jensen's finger breached his body and lifted himself even higher in offering. The solitary finger felt neither good nor bad, but the knowledge that Jensen was about to be as intimately joined with him as possible soon made Jared run hot. He ducked his head, bowed his neck, and tried to force Jensen even deeper.

"God you are gorgeous, Jay." Jensen slid his finger out, slicked two of them up and then pressed both to Jared's entrance. "Are you ready for more?"

"Yes. Yes. **Please.** Jen, please!" Jared felt empty even at the loss of the one finger and pressed back desperately for Jensen.

Jensen soothed Jared with one hand and slowly pressed the fingers of his other hand inside Jared. He leaned down and bit lightly on Jared's shoulder blade. "Shhh, I'm here, gonna make you feel so good, Jay."

Jared keened at the bite and fingers, bracing himself on his good leg to thrust back and take in all of Jensen's fingers. He groaned as they bottomed out, body at a strange angle, but feeling no pain. "Jen. Oh yes, Jen. Hurry."

"God," Jensen moaned, sliding his fingers out and then back in again. He moved them faster and faster in response to Jared's wanton noises and then finally pulled back to pour some of the lube in his hand. "Do you want three, Jay or are you ready?"

Nearly incoherent with desire and incandescent with need, Jared threw back his head and cried, "Inside me, Jen. Now! Can't wait anymore! Take me." His head buckled back toward the pillows, even as he pushed back helplessly at the thin air.

Jensen pressed a kiss to Jared's shoulder and then pulled back, standing up from the bed completely. He sat on the bed next to Jared and kissed his cheek. "Hey, not gonna do it this way... you're gonna ride me, remember?" 

Jared smiled shakily and nodded, easing himself to his knees. "I forgot," he whispered, eyes wide and pupils dilated completely. "Just know I need you."

Catching Jared's face in his hands, Jensen kissed him deeply. "And I need you." He waited until Jared was situated on the bed before laying himself down and grabbing the oil to slick his cock. Jensen hissed at the slick sensation, eyes raking Jared's body hungrily.

Jared watched Jensen slick himself and licked his lips unconsciously. Moving slowly, he maneuvered himself into position, favoring his bad leg, and lined Jensen's cock to his hole. "Ready?" he asked, staring down into Jensen's eyes.

"Yes, so much, Jay." Jensen reached out and gripped Jared's right hip, forcing himself to grab onto the headboard with his other hand so that he didn't accidentally grab Jared's injured side. 

Jared smiled and slammed down on Jensen's cock in one graceless, hard movement. He rocked the ceiling with a cry full of delight, pain, completion and wildness, head thrown back.

Jensen matched Jared's cry with one of his own, his hips arching up hard to meet Jared's. He dug his fingers into Jared's hip, his other hand curling hard around the wood of the bed and yanking. It was all he could do to keep himself from coming right then and there.

"Jen," Jared gasped, shaking a little. "So deep in me, Jen." He wiggled his hips a little, feeling Jensen's cock slip and slide inside him. Laughing shakily, he rocked up and down shallowly, testing his body. "Don't want you to leave."

"Oh god," Jensen moaned, head tipping back and eyes sliding shut. Jared writhing on his body was pure and delicious torture. "Don't wanna leave ever, Jay. Feels so good."

Jared braced his legs and began to move up and down on Jensen's cock. He took his time, not wanting to rush the sensation of being impaled, joined to the one he loved most. "So good," he whimpered. "Oh so good. Not enough."

Jensen chuckled, forced his eyes open and watched Jared's pleasure. "What else do you want, Jay? What can I do to make it better?" He was feeling nearly done in already and was only hoping that Jared was enjoying this as much as he was.

Jared shook his head, longer hair flopping around. "Want you even deeper. Wish you could." He sped up his movements, moaning as he found the angle that drove Jensen into his prostate.

"Oh fuck, not sure we'd survive if I could." Jensen tightened his hand on Jared's hip and then released the headboard. He reached down and curled his fist around Jared's cock, stroking him in time with his movements.

Jared's cry rattled his body, and he thrust more wildly on Jensen's cock and into his hand at the same time. "Jensen. Please. Oh."

Curling his fist tighter around Jared, Jensen stroked him faster and harder. He gripped Jared's hip and tipped his head back with a load moan at the way Jared milked his body.

Jared continued to move on Jensen, although his left leg ached fiercely. "Close?" he gasped, hoping his lover was near to completion.

"Yes, god yes, Jay. Wanna see you come on me," Jensen said, opening his eyes and staring hotly at Jared.

Jared never was one to disobey his captain's orders, so he came all over Jensen instantly. His body bowed hard, legs giving out so he ended up completely impaled on Jensen's cock.

Jensen shook and trembled under Jared, pulsing and coming into Jared's body. He dug his hand into Jared's hip even more. "So amazing, Jay... you're so gorgeous."

Jared groaned and gasped out the rest of his release, whole body still throbbing. "Jen." He collapsed forward and leaned on Jensen, head falling forward.

Wrapping his arms carefully around Jared, Jensen held him close and let his thundering heart settle down. He pressed kisses to Jared's temple and murmured a litany of soft words into his hair.

Jared smiled as Jensen's voice penetrated the fog around his brain. He lifted his head and kissed Jensen softly. "Hi, love."

"Hey," Jensen said, stroking his back with a soft smile. "You okay?"

Jared sighed and eased himself off Jensen's cock with a reluctant murmur. He lowered himself stiffly to his right side and kept his left leg perched on Jensen. "Leg's sore, but I feel wonderful."

Jensen carefully stroked over Jared's good skin on his leg with a smile. "But you're good? Don't want you to be too sore."

Jared sighed and smiled at Jensen dopily. "You still want me, still find me desirable... that's worth any kind of pain."

"Of course I do, you're stunning, Jay," Jensen stroked his thumb over Jared's cheek. "Love you."

Jared blushed and tucked his head in Jensen's neck. He kissed the warm skin and whispered, "I love you, Jen. So much."

Jensen smiled and dug the fingers of one hand into Jared's hair. "I love you, too, Jay. I have since we first started."

"I know," Jared whispered and lifted his head to smile at Jensen. "I'll do everything I can to make you happy."

"You already do it, Jared. I just hope I can make you as happy." Jensen brushed their lips together. "We should rest now."

Jared nodded and yawned a little, snuggling closer to Jensen. He reached out to tangle his right hand with Jensen's and said, "Thank you for taking care of me, Jen."

Jensen sighed happily. "We take care of each other and that's the most important thing. Sleep well, I'll be here when you wake up."

"Aye aye, Captain," Jared mumbled and shut his eyes to sleep.

Stroking Jared's back lightly, Jensen pressed a kiss to Jared's head and closed his eyes.   
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared returned home from the gas station, hands scrubbed as clean as possible from the grease. Since the end of the war, he and Jensen had been living in a small home a few miles outside the town of Bishop, California. It was isolated enough that nobody knew they were together, but big enough for Jensen to have a good teaching job. And Jared liked his quiet job at the station, where nobody noticed his scars through the grease. "Jen?" he called, as he opened the door.

Jensen looked up from the papers he was grading, spread all over the kitchen table, and pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. "I’m in the kitchen, Jay." He stretched his arms over his head and then pushed to his feet.

Jared smiled at the sight of his lover grading papers with his glasses on. "You're wearing your glasses," he said with a goofy smile. "Have a good day?"

"I did," Jensen said with a self-conscious smile. He was still getting used to wearing his glasses all of the time. Reaching out for Jared's hand, Jensen tugged him gently to him. "And how was your day?" he asked after stealing a brief kiss.

Jared kissed back and then added another his forehead. "Quiet, as usual. I like working with cars." He sat down at the table and sighed happily. "I'm making chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and biscuits for dinner."

Jensen reached out and stroked his hand over Jared's hair. "Are you certain you're up for it? We could always have something simpler." He leaned down to kiss Jared's forehead before moving to the icebox and getting them both a couple of large glasses of iced tea.

"No, I want to make us something nice, Jen," Jared said, taking his tea with a smile for Jensen. "I didn't mean to get home so late."

Settling back at the table, Jensen shook his head. "I don't mind. I've been busy, and we can have a quiet night together." He leaned in and kissed Jared again before picking up another paper.

"We don't generally have anything else," Jared teased, happier than ever in his life.

"Too true," Jensen said, marking another couple of sentences. "Anything else you had in mind for tonight?"

Jared ducked his head and affected the same shy smile he always did when Jensen asked things like that. "Did you?"

"Well, before I started marking papers I had a dream of maybe eating some dessert off your chest." Jensen reached out and stroked the back of Jared's hand, winking.

"Oh, I hadn't planned dessert yet..." Jared frowned and nibbled his lower lip. "What kind?"

"Anything...I just want to get through the dessert and down to you," Jensen said, smiling and arching his eyebrow. 

Jared grinned and said, "Well, the ice cream should do then. We can leave it out to defrost a little after dinner."

"I like that idea," Jensen said, waggling his eyebrows. He turned in surprise at the sound of their doorbell. "Are you expecting anyone?" Jensen asked, pushing back from the table.

Jared chuckled and then turned with surprise toward the door. "Who would I invite here?" he asked. "Should I get it?"

"I will," Jensen said, standing up and kissing Jared's cheek. He pushed his chair back in to the table and then walked to the front door, opening it and staring in shock. "Kane?" 

Chris Kane took off his hat and said, "Captain. You have no idea how hard it was to find you, Sir." He ducked his head. "I hope I'm welcome."

Jensen nodded, smiled and opened the door. "Of course, please... come in." He waited until Chris was inside before pulling him in and hugging him. "I have retired to the country, as it were."

Chris froze for a moment and then hugged back. "Sir," he said, "it’s so good to see you. You look well. What have you been doing?"

"I spent the rest of the war teaching and then moved here to teach some more." Jensen patted Chris' back and then stepped away with a smile. "Ja- oh! You don't know." He smiled broadly. "Come in," he said, turning and leading Chris back to the kitchen.

Jared came to the edge of the kitchen and asked, "Who is- oh." He ducked his head and looked at Jensen with wide eyes, not sure what to do.

Chris stared at Jared with wide eyes and an open mouth. "Padalecki," he breathed and then his knees gave out.

Jensen reached out to catch Chris' shoulder. "Sorry, I had forgotten that you didn't know. Jay was one of the few survivors. He was found after days at sea, and I didn't know until the day I left the Bowfin."

Jared dragged a chair over and helped Chris up and into it. He brought over a glass of water and encouraged Chris to sip.

Chris sipped his water and stared at Jared. "One of the few survivors," he muttered, not believing. 

"Yeah, it was quite a huge shock when he found me at the port." Jensen smiled and moved to Jared's side, clasping his hand. "We have been together since that day.”

Chris swallowed and nodded, eyes still wide. Finally, he stood and looked at Jared. "I want to apologize to you," he said to Jared. "For hurting you both and sending you away."

Jared glanced at Jensen and then said, "I forgive you, Sir, uh, Chris. I did a long time ago."

Jensen nodded. "We both did," he said, stroking Jared's arm.

"If we had a way to tell you, we would have," Jared said with a little smile. "We hadn't heard from you since the end of the war and didn't know how to reach you." He bumped Jensen's shoulder. "Invite him to dinner, silly.

"Of course, please stay to dinner with us," Jensen said with a huge smile. "Jay's making chicken tonight and it's one of his specialties."

Chris smiled and said, "I appreciate the offer." He looked around and asked Jensen, as Jared bustled around the kitchen, "You live here together?"

Jensen smiled. "We do. It's a fairly quiet life. I'm a teacher, and Jay works at a service station." He led Chris to the kitchen table and got him a glass of tea.

Chris sat down, still feeling off-balance and unsure of what to do now. "They said you left the Navy. Your former CO was very disappointed. They figured you were a lifer."

"I had to leave." Jensen smiled sadly. "Jared and I lived together while I taught during the war, but we knew we'd never be able to truly have a private life together if I was always going to have to answer to the Navy." He turned and looked at Jared with love brimming in his gaze. "And Jay has always been more important to me. At least once the war was over."

Jared hummed as he moved about the kitchen, loving making dinner for his Jensen and guest. 

Chris felt a twinge at the obvious love in Jensen's gaze. "I'm glad for you both, Sir."

Jensen shook his head. "Just Jensen now. What are you doing? Still Captain?"

"You'll always be captain to me," Chris said. "I've stayed in the Navy, yes. I'm still in command of the Bowfin for the moment, but there won't be a need for so many submarines in peacetime. Despite the Soviet threat." 

"Yes, but then we hadn't expected the war before that either." Jensen smiled sadly. "I'm glad that you’re still doing something you enjoy, something you’re good at."

Chris watched Jared working in the kitchen and said, "Not so happy as you seem to be. He really is good for you."

"We’re good together. I'm lucky to have what I never thought I would... a home filled with love." Jensen ducked his head, aware of how sappy he was sounding.

Chris smiled at Jensen's words and said, "I hope it works out for you. Is that why you live so far out? To keep anyone from realizing you're here together?"

Jensen nodded, turning a sad face to Chris. "Yeah, it's not ever going to be an okay thing for us in this world, not if we want to live a quiet life together, so we've hidden ourselves away. No one at my work knows about him and no one at his work knows about me."

Chris frowned and said, "I meant what I said, way back on the Bowfin, about that not mattering to me. I know I hurt you both, but I was afraid of others finding out. I never cared. You two... I don't think you could be more in love."

"Thank you," Jensen said, reaching out to squeeze Chris' hand. "I knew then, as well, that you didn't do it because of our loving each other, but because you were concerned. I just wish it could all have been different."

"I'm glad it turned out the way it did, though," Chris said. "Do you plan to settle here for good?"

Jensen looked at Jared before turning back to Chris. "We'll likely live here until we can't and then move on... or possibly move on before it gets to that point. As a teacher, there's no way I'd get a job if there was a hint of anything between us."

Chris looked a little confused. "You'd like to stay here, though? As long as nobody finds out."

"Yeah, I think so. We both like being in the country. It's peaceful and private." Jensen smiled, sitting back in his chair to sip at his tea. "There's no one to judge us out here."

"May I visit from time to time?" Chris asked. "I'd like to see how you're doing... and I think this would be a good place to just decompress."

Jensen looked to Jared to agree with him, but nodded. "We're happy to have you visit, and I promise we will keep in better contact and let you know where we are, if we do have to leave." He smiled sincerely at Chris, tilting his head slightly. "Do you want to stay for a bit now? We have a second room."

Chris looked at Jared first, warmed when the tall man nodded, and said, "I don't want to impose. I planned to find a motel or something."

"Please stay. You can relax, maybe head into town to check it out." Jensen smiled at Chris, eyebrow raised. "It's a nice town."

Jared set a platter of corn in front of Jensen. "Be of some use and shuck this for me." He smiled at Chris. "Jensen is right; the town is lovely. Perfect for us. I think you'll like it."

Jensen chuckled and started to shuck the corn as asked. He was usually much more help in the kitchen, or at least tried to be, but Jared was clearly the better cook of the two of them.

Chris smiled at both men and said, "I appreciate the offer and accept. I love the Navy, but I think it'll be a long time before I get to settle down."

"I had never planned to," Jensen said with a laugh and another smile sent to Jared. "I knew that Edna and I would never make it, but it was easier to float along with that while at sea."

Jared chuckled a little at the mention of Edna, but kept working. "Bring me the corn, Jen."

"I've met lots of girls, but nobody yet who made me want to settle down. You two make me want to, though," Chris confessed.

"It is the most amazing feeling the world, Chris," Jensen said, smiling hugely at Jared. "Knowing that we will be here together after our long days makes the work we do and the general day to day life all worth it." He finished the final piece of corn and stood to carry them to the counter for Jared.

Jared took the corn with a small kiss and then a slightly deeper one. He dimpled at Chris and then hip checked Jensen lightly. "Shouldn't you offer your former mate something better than ice tea?"

Jensen blushed, nudging Jared and then pressing a kiss to his cheek. He turned to smile at Chris, his head resting on Jared's shoulder. "We do have alcohol, beer, and the like, if you want something stronger. I tend to have the iced tea before dinner because I'm usually still working."

"The ice tea is fine, thank you," Chris said. "I've been trying to lay off the booze since I got plastered for four days straight after the end of the war was announced."

Laughing, Jensen nodded. "I can imagine. If I'd come off the sub after that, I'd not have been sober for a good bit." He squeezed Jared's arm. "You need any more help or can I show Chris the house?"

Jared pushed him away playfully and said, "Show him around. You're being a terrible host."

"We don't often have guests," Jensen teased, kissing Jared lightly again and then turning back to Chris with a rueful smile. "Let me show you around, and we can get you settled in." He led them back from the kitchen and into the living room.

Chris stood and followed Jensen, looking around the small house and feeling it was more of a home than anywhere since his own as a child. "This is a nice place."

"Thanks, we've been here a bit, so it's been nice to be able to settle in. Feel free to sit in here and relax as much as you can... we have a bit of a library there, and the radio gets great signal." Jensen moved them into the hall and gestured to the first door on the left. "This'll be your room," he said, opening the door.

Chris nodded and smiled at Jensen. "You've crammed a lot into a relatively small place. How did you find it?"

Jensen smiled. "That was all Jared's doing. He went to a realtor once we had decided what we wanted to do and started looking at places. We quickly realized that the country was best, so I applied for teaching positions and once I had one, he concentrated his efforts on finding this place for us." Jensen stepped further down the hall and gestured to the door next to Chris' room. "This is the bathroom here." 

"Jared did always have a way of making sure people got what they needed," Chris said. He paused and looked a little uncomfortable. "How is he? I mean... his injuries."

"He's good, sometimes his skin is tight and a bit achy, but he's really good." Jensen reached out and put his hand on Chris' arm. "We're happy, we're both good... and though I know I was hard on you and it took me a while to get over the situation, it's okay. Don't torture yourself."

Chris ducked his head and nodded. "I saw the limp and the scars... so I'm glad he's doing well. I don't know, Sir, that I can ever completely forgive myself."

Jensen nodded, understanding that being confronted with consequences could make you second-guess your decisions. "You did it with your heart and thoughts in the right place, even if it was not necessarily the best situation for us. But on a sub and in times of war, we all had to make those decisions, Chris. It's what happens."

Chris smiled and lifted his head to look into Jensen's eyes. "At the time, I thought you would never forgive me. And then, when Jared's ship went down..."

"I didn't think I could ever forgive you, Chris," Jensen said, honestly. He shook his head slightly and looked at Chris. "My world was in shambles, but you also helped me work through it."

Chris looked toward the kitchen, where they could still hear Jared moving around. "I liked him, too," Chris said. "I sent him away and nearly got him killed."

Jensen sighed. "Yeah, I think that was one of the things that hurt the most... you liked him so much." He shook his head and smiled again. "But it all worked out in the end. We can't live in the past."

"No, we can't, and it helps to know that he's alive and you found each other." Chris smiled and touched Jensen's arm.

"Thank you, that means a lot, Chris." Jensen smiled and tilted his head shyly. "We're lucky that he came through and we're together again."

Chris nodded and firmed up his posture again. "Want to show me the rest of the house?"

Jensen nodded. "Not much left. This room here," he said, opening the door at the far end of the hall. "is our room, and we have a separate bathroom so the one in the hall is yours." Jensen gestured to the door across from Chris' door. "That room is our study... please feel free to grab books or use the desk, if you need."

"This is a nice place," Chris said and turned back to Jensen. "Thank you for sharing it with me, Captain."

"You're always welcome, Chris," Jensen said, pulling Chris into a huge bear hug.

Chris hugged him back and gritted his teeth against unmanly tears. "I thought I would find you alone and bitter. Perhaps that you would refuse to see me."

Jensen closed his eyes, thankful that it hadn't happened that way. "But you didn't, and I'm glad that you showed up, that you followed up on your request to visit me."

"I wanted to see you, Sir, no matter what," Chris said. He smiled a little. "Never thought I'd get homemade dinner out of it."

"As long as you're here, Jay'll be feeding you meals every night." Jensen patted Chris on the back and then led him back down the hall to the kitchen.

Jared poked his head out of the kitchen. "Jensen manages to do the laundry and dishes, but his souffle was not a success."

Laughing, Jensen shook his head. "Not in the slightest." He nudged Jared's shoulder back into the kitchen, stroking his arm. "I'm happy to let you handle that part."

Jared turned and pressed another kiss to Jensen's cheek, smiling a little when Chris smiled at them. "Dinner will be ready in about half an hour. Jensen, you need to get all your papers off the table."

"Yes, yes, love," Jensen teased, squeezing his hand again and moving to the table. He slowly gathered all of his papers, making sure to keep them in order before sliding them into his portfolio. "I'll have to finish those after dinner."

"What do you teach?" Chris asked, glancing curiously at the papers.

"English," Jensen said, letting Chris look at the pages. "These are some of the short story essays I've been having them write."

"English." Chris chuckled. "I never would have figured you for an English teacher. Do your students seem to like you?"

Jared snorted from near the sink. "Students and parents alike. There are a few poor widows who have set their cap on him."

Jensen blushed beet red, ducking his head and gathering up his marking pens to put them in his briefcase. "I seem to be well liked, and as Jared has so eloquently put it, have generated some interest with some of the widowed women in the area."

Chris laughed his own delight at Jensen's blush and said, "Poor ladies. You always were a draw for them when we stopped for shore leave."

"It was easier when I had Edna to hold them at bay, but I cannot use Jared as a deterrent." Jensen raised an eyebrow at Chris's laughter.

"Alas, you cannot," Jared said, checking on his chicken. "And there are two who are ever so persistent."

Chris inhaled the lovely scent of frying chicken and groaned. "Oh... where do I find a Jared?"

Jensen laughed, glad for the change of topic. "You can't, he's all mine," Jensen teased, winking at Chris.

Jared blushed this time and smiled at Chris. "You'll find some special girl who can cook much better than me."

Chris smiled at the picture they made together. "You make me feel I should rush out and start looking."

"I would highly recommend it, Chris. Finding that person to love is the best thing in the world," Jensen said, crossing over to Jared and hugging him gently.

Jared grinned and squeezed Jensen. "Certainly turned us into saps. But I'd give up anything for Jensen."

"And I'd do the same." Jensen smiled, leaning into Jared before kissing his shoulder and stepping away. "I'm going to set the table if you want to get washed up from your trip."

"Well, at least that would be something useful," Jared teased and pressed their foreheads together. "But get Chris comfortable first."

Jensen chuckled. "Yes, Sir," he said, shaking his head at Jared. He nodded toward Chris, edging him back out of the kitchen with an eye roll.

"This is the one place I can order him around," Jared said with a wink at Chris.

Chris smiled and said, "I can help you set the table, if you do not mind."

"Definitely, but let's get your bags in your room and get cleaned up or Jared might deny us dessert," Jensen teased.

Jared snorted and said, "I still have plans for dessert. Even more than originally." He glanced back at Jensen with a wink.

Jensen blushed hotly at Jared's teasing and quickly ushered Chris out of the kitchen before his lover could embarrass him further.

Chris laughed at the expression on Jensen's face. "I've never seen you that red before," he said.

"And I hope you never will again," Jensen said, shaking his head. He grabbed one of Chris' bags from the front door and hefted it onto his shoulder.

Chris grabbed his other bag and bumped his shoulder to Jensen's. "I rather enjoyed seeing the unflappable Captain Ackles blush like a virgin bride."

Jensen laughed, bumping Chris' shoulder. "Trust me... you don't want to see how badly he can make me blush."

Chris coughed a little into his fist and said, "You're probably right, Captain. There are some things a man's better off never seeing."

Tipping his head back, Jensen laughed long and loud. He clapped Chris on the back and led him into the bedroom where he dropped Chris' bag on the end of the bed.

Chris caught the wave of laughter and joined in, feeling lighter and happier than he had since before the war.

Jared eventually investigated the gales of laughter and mock scolded, "Jen, I thought you were going to be useful and set the table."

Jensen crossed the room, kissing Jared's lips and shooing him back toward the kitchen. "We are... we'll be right back, love." He brushed another to Jared's mouth before smiling and winking at Chris. "Get settled in, and we'll see you in a bit."

Chris waved and shook his head with a smile as Jensen followed Jared out the door.

Jared waited until Jensen was in the kitchen, before pulling him into a long kiss. "I like having Chris here," he said. "Like your old life accepting our new one."

Jensen hummed his agreement, wrapping himself around Jared and kissing him back. "It's good to see him... though I knew nothing had happened to the Bowfin, I wasn't sure how he was doing."

"Jen," Jared whispered and kissed his forehead. "You have such a good heart. Some people could not have forgiven."

"If he hadn't also been a haven for me when I thought you lost, I don't know that I would have forgiven. But your... death... taught him an important life lesson." Jensen snuggled into Jared's embrace, shivering at the memories.

Jared rested his chin in Jensen's hair and cradled him. "I'm alive and well, cooking in our house. Just a little singed around the edges."

Jensen spluttered with laughter. "You are alive and well and dinner smells delicious. How about I set the table now, and we rethink our dessert plans," he teased, wagging his eyebrows at Jared.

"I’m making peach cobbler to go with the ice cream," Jared said with a wink. He leaned down to whisper in Jensen's ear, "But I would love to have you make love to me with Chris in the house. The way we used to have to- secretive and quiet."

Shuddering at the thought, Jensen nodded and then kissed Jared hard and deep. "I would love that, Jay... quiet in our room, afraid that we might get caught."

Jared smiled and nuzzled Jensen's cheek. "I always ran hotter knowing we might be caught, but I prefer not to run the risk anymore."

"Same here... there's just something about the illicit nature that is both intoxicating and downright frightening." Jensen stroked his hands up and down Jared's back, humming softly and resting his head on Jared's shoulder.

Jared nestled and shut his eyes, too. "Will you and Chris sing something while you're both here? Like you did for the Christmas party?"

Jensen smiled. "Maybe, I didn't see his guitar case, so I'm not sure he brought it, but we'll ask him."

"You could just play yours," Jared said contentedly and then released Jensen. "Must look in on my chicken and biscuits. Dinner should almost be done."

"I'll get the table set, and we'll talk to Chris over dinner." Jensen reached out and lightly pinched Jared's butt before scooting across the room to get the tablecloth and placemats for the table.

Jared yelped a little and mock glared at Jensen. "Jerk," he said and went to fetch his chicken and biscuits, the aroma filling the kitchen.

"You know you love it," Jensen teased, shaking out the tablecloth and placing down three mats. He turned back to the side cabinet and brought out some cloth napkins, folding them and placing them at each seat.

"Yes, I really do," Jared said, putting the chicken on a platter. He set the corn in a large bowl and then placed the biscuits in a smaller one. "Get out the butter?"

Jensen moved to the fridge, getting out the stick of butter and placing it on the table before he set out the plates and silverware. "What do you want to drink with dinner?"

"Milk, please," Jared said. "Milkman left me extra this morning."

"I bet he did," Jensen groused good-naturedly. He didn't really think their milkman had a thing for Jared, but he certainly was quite friendly.

Jared snorted and threw an oven mitt at Jensen. "You think everyone is after me. As if you weren't a million times more attractive."

Jensen snorted at Jared's comment, batting the mitt away. "Hardly. You're gorgeous, Jay and people are always attracted to your looks and your personality."

Jared ducked his head and blushed a little, fiddling with the collar of his shirt near his burns. "Not so pretty, Jen."

"Gorgeous, Jay," Jensen asserted, crossing to Jared and catching his face between both of his hands and staring into Jared's eyes. "You are as gorgeous as you ever have been."

Jared smiled and kissed Jensen softly. "You're biased, but I love you for it."

Jensen returned the kiss, stroking both thumbs over Jared's cheeks. "Not biased, but then I've thought you were gorgeous from the beginning."

"We're blessed that way, Jen. Now, go fetch Chris, before we forget him and start kissing away the evening." Jared dimpled and squeezed Jensen's ass playfully. 

Returning the squeeze, Jensen kissed Jared's cheek. "Be right back. Love you, Jay."

Jared watched Jensen leave with a little smile and then headed back for the table to continue setting out food and drinks.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jensen smiled at Jared sitting in his recliner. He gestured to the couch. "Have a seat, Chris. I'm going to grab my guitar, and we can sing if you're up for it."

Chris grinned and sat on the couch, watching as Jared settled to sit by Jensen's feet. "It'll be nice to sing with you again."

"It's been a long time, hasn't it?" Jensen settled into his seat, propped his guitar on his lap. He strummed it lightly. "Any preference on a song?"

Chris considered and said, "Let's do an old favorite to warm up."

"Sounds good," Jensen said, starting to strum the beginning of _Shenandoah_.

Chris smiled and waited for his cue, before singing, "Oh Shenandoah, it's far I wander, away you rolling river, Oh Shenandoah, it's far I wander, away, I'm bound away, across the wide Missouri."

Jensen smiled at Chris, strumming through the chords between before he sang his verse, "Oh, Shenandoah, I love your daughter, Away, you rolling river, Oh, Shenandoah, I love your daughter, Away, I'm bound away, cross the wide Missouri."

Chris picked up the next verse, "Oh Shenandoah, I'm bound to leave you, away, you rolling river, Oh Shenandoah, I'm bound to leave you, away, I'm bound away, cross the wide Missouri."

"Oh, Shenandoah, I long to see you, Away, you rolling river, Oh, Shenandoah, I long to see you, Away, I'm bound away, cross the wide Missouri." Jensen finished off the song, strumming his way through the final chords with a smile.

"That was lovely," Jared said softly. "You two sound perfect together. I’m glad I got to hear you again. Never figured I would get another chance."

Jensen smiled sadly. "Don't think we ever thought we'd get another chance either. War is unpredictable that way." He shook his head slightly to clear it of the melancholy and smiled at Chris. "Anything else you want to sing?"

Chris smiled and said, "It was always a great treat to sing with the captain." He winked at Jensen and sung into a chorus of 'Here Comes the Navy.'

Laughing, Jensen joined Chris on the chorus, strumming his guitar to the tune. He smiled at Jared in between the choruses, enjoying the feeling of companionship that came from having Chris with them both.

Jared sang, too, though much softer than the other two. He leaned happily against Jensen's right leg and smiled up at him, aware of Chris watching them.

After the final chords of the song, Jensen reached out and stroked his hand over Jared's hair. "I love singing and haven't done enough of it lately. Anything you want to hear tonight, Jay?"

Jared leaned into Jensen's touch and said, "You sang 'When the Lights Come On Again, All Over the World' on the sub. I'd like to hear that again. Reminds me of everything to be thankful for."

Jensen nodded, bending over the guitar and testing out the first few chords. He smiled at Chris before launching into the introduction and trusting that his friend would jump in on the first verse.

Chris smiled at the choice and led the way, "When the lights go on again all over the world, And the boys are home again all over the world, And rain or snow is all that may fall from the skies above, A kiss won't mean "goodbye" but "Hello to love."

Jared rubbed his cheek against Jensen's leg and felt deeply content with his place in the world.

Jensen jumped in with the first refrain of the chorus, " When the lights go on again all over the world, And the ships will sail again all over the world, Then we'll have time for things like wedding rings and free hearts will sing, When the lights go on again all over the world." He smiled down at Jared before turning his gaze to Chris, strumming the instrumental parts before Chris would pick up the song again. 

Chris repeated the last lyric with Jensen and then hummed a little as the song ended. "That always was a sentimental favorite. Remember the first time we sang it, how many of the guys cried?"

"Yeah, I was nervous that we'd gone too far, but it was always requested, every time." Jensen smiled at the memory, reaching out to stroke his hand over Jared's head.

"Like White Christmas," Chris said with a little shake of his head. "No matter the season, they wanted to hear it." He sighed and leaned back against the sofa cushions. "I hope we're done with wars for awhile. This thing with Russia..." He shook his head.

Jensen sighed, nodding along with Chris. "I agree. This country _and_ this world need peace again." He threaded his fingers idly through Jared's hair, petting him and enjoying their closeness. "It'd be nice to have you in relative safety."

Jared nodded at Jensen's words and said, "It's hard for me to think that so many of the people I know are still serving. I mean, there's a lot of work that needs to be done to clean up from the war, but I hate to think of losing anyone now."

"It's nice to know you two will be thinking of me," Chris said. "I promise to try and stay out of trouble."

"And write. We want to hear from you." Jensen grinned. "Maybe Jared'll send you homemade goodies."

"I make very good cookies. Everyone will be envious... think they're from your girl." Jared grinned at Chris.

Chris chuckled and said, "Thanks. I'm sure I'll love them." He yawned and stretched. "It's been a long day. I hope you don't mind if I bring our singing to an early close. We can do it again tomorrow?"

Jensen smiled. "Of course. Go ahead and get some rest... make yourself at home." He tugged lightly on a section of Jared's bangs before reaching over and setting the guitar on its stand."

Jared swatted lightly at Jensen, happy to have his hair a bit longer again, even if it made people look at him funny. "Please feel free to use any extra pillows or covers you want."

"Since tomorrow's Saturday, we don't have to work, but if you're still used to being up early, we may not surface right away." Jensen grinned. "I try to get more sleep these days."

"He's a log," Jared said cheerfully. "Snores like a saw, too." He propped his head on Jensen's knee. "I get up a little early, though, when I can disentangle without waking him."

"I sleep late when I can, too, so you may both get up first," Chris said with a yawn.

Jensen tugged Jared's hair again, but was all smiles. "Sounds good. Get some rest, Chris and we'll see you in the morning."

"Night," Chris said and headed for the guest room, smiling so hard his face ached.

Jared lifted his head to Jensen and parted his lips, asking for a kiss.

Leaning down, Jensen kissed Jared deeply. He cupped Jared's cheek with one hand and sank into the pleasure of exploring Jared.

Jared cupped Jensen's cheek and sucked eagerly at his tongue, moaning softly under his breath. He reared up on his knees and slid his hands up Jensen's legs and torso, rubbing his nipples through the material of his shirt. "Want you, Jen."

"Always want you, too, Jay." Jensen moaned softly, finally pulling back with sheer will. "We should take this to the bedroom. Chris may be fine with us, but he doesn't need a show if he should find himself wandering back through here for any reason."

Jared chuckled and poked Jensen in the stomach. "Not like I'm going to ask you to ravage me here. I mean... ordinarily I might, but I know Chris is here. Not that besotted by you." He grinned and stuck out his tongue.

Jensen stuck his own out in response. "You were getting pretty handsy, Jay." He blushed slightly, still the more reserved of the two of them.

Jared laughed a little and stood up. He sashayed playfully down the hall and then tipped a wink over his left shoulder at Jensen. "Remember to leave a light on for Chris. I'll be in bed."

Grinning, Jensen shook his head at Jared, going back through the whole house and making sure ever window and door was locked. He left a light on over the sink in case Chris needed a drink overnight and also left a small nightlight glowing in the hall before letting himself into their room.

Jared shed his clothes as he heard Jensen moving around the house and then spread himself wantonly over the bed. "Captain," he murmured, as Jensen entered the room, "your Yeoman is here to serve you."

"Jay," Jensen moaned, then cleared his throat. "Yeoman," he said instead, walking toward the bed slowly, eyes raking over Jared's body. "How are you here to serve your Captain?"

"In whatever way my Captain finds most pleasing," Jared said, trailing a hand down his chest and stroking his cock a few times.

"Yes, I can see you’re ready for just about anything, aren't you?" Jensen smiled, eyes arching at the way that Jared had laid himself out. He reached out, fingers trailing up Jared's shin. "Love to watch you touch yourself, Yeoman."

"Want me to do it more, Sir?" Jared asked, lowering his eyes. "Stroke myself and call your name?"

Jensen moaned low. "Yes, and play with your nipples, too."

Jared groaned in response to the command and lifted one hand to trace around his left nipple. He teased the areola and then just over the little bump. His hips thrust up helplessly into the air, before he grasped his cock loosely in his right hand to push into. "Feels good, but not like you, Sir."

"Good, because my touch is the only one you'll have again." Jensen smiled, stripped himself slowly out of his clothes while he watched Jared. He took the time to fold them loosely and drape them on the chair in the corner before moving back to the bed and sitting near Jared's hip. Reaching out, Jensen stroked his hand from Jared's hip up to his nipple, where he rolled his thumb over the nub.

Touching himself was good, but having Jensen touch his felt even better and Jared's cock hardened even more at the first stroke over his nipple. "Jen," he whispered. "My captain. My only lover. The only one who's ever touched me."

Jensen closed his eyes on the wave of possessive pleasure that swept over him. Though it was the same for him, it was a thrill to hear Jared say that to him. "Mine... always and only." He leaned down and mouthed at Jared's nipple, flicking it with his tongue and sucking on it.

"Whatever my captain wants," Jared whispered around a moan. He threaded a hand in Jensen's hair and arched up into the perfect mouth, groaning louder. "Love you."

Flicking his tongue over Jared's nipple again, Jensen finally surged up and kissed Jared hard. "Love you, too." He stroked a hand down Jared's chest and curled it around his waist.

"What will you do with me?" Jared asked, pressing little kisses all over Jensen's face. He placed his big palms on Jensen's back and rubbed circles into the warm muscle.

"What do you want?" Jensen asked, nibbling at Jared's jaw.

Jared sighed and lifted his head to let Jensen nibble even more. "I want you to love me, Jen. I want to look into your eyes as you claim your Yeoman again."

Jensen grinned. "Oh, I promise you that I shall claim my Yeoman again. I want nothing more than that." He leaned up slightly, rocking his hips against Jared's and kissing him again.

"You wanted me to ask for more than that?" Jared asked. He reached down to cup Jensen's ass and squeeze.

"I only want you to ask for what you want, but I need to know what you want before I ask you for anything." Jensen grinned and kissed Jared deeply.

Jared smiled and kissed Jensen's nose. "Why must you ask me first? You are my captain and should get what you want before I do."

"As your Captain, I want you to have what you want." Jensen grinned, tasting Jared's mouth. "And I love you."

Jared smiled and sucked on Jensen's tongue, before pressing even closer to him. "You always were good to your crew, Sir."

Jensen smiled. "Being good to one's crew is the best way to ensure a happy crew... and a happy life." He curled his hand around Jared's cock, stoking him slow and steady.

Jared cried out and then muffled his voice with an embarrassed blush. He bit into Jensen's shoulder and held for a moment, before moving his mouth to whisper, "Please, Jen, want you in me now."

"Are you certain you can handle it?' Jensen asked, stroking Jared again and kissing his temple.

"Handle it?" Jared asked, eyes big and confused. "I need you, Jen."

"Are you prepped, Jay? I don't want to hurt you," Jensen said, still stroking Jared's cock and kissing down his throat.

Jared whimpered and pressed even more into the perfect hand. "Please, Jen, please. Make me ready and take me."

Jensen nodded, stroked Jared one last time and then released him to fumble the lube out of their bedside table. "Spread your legs for me," Jensen breathed, flipping open the cap and spreading the lube on his fingers.

Jared rolled to his stomach, propped his knees under him and lifted his ass for Jensen. He loved offering himself to his lover, letting Jensen know how much he trusted him.

Moaning, Jensen stroked his lubed finger between Jared's cheeks. It never ceased to amaze him how open and giving Jared was with his body. "Love you," Jensen said, kissing Jared's lower back and pressing his finger inside his body.

Jared pressed into the welcome intruder, murmuring softly under his breath. He loved how right Jensen felt inside him, no matter what part. There was no one he would have traded with in that moment. "Jen."

"Jay," Jensen responded, stroking his finger in and out slowly. He waited until Jared was slightly looser before pulling the finger out, slicking up two and pressing them both back inside again. 

Jared muffled a loud cry into his pillows and wantonly shoved himself back into Jensen's fingers. He knew he acted like a whore when Jensen loved him, but could never help himself. His body ached with longing to be filled by Jensen, claimed in that most primal of ways. "Please," he gasped into the open air. "Please."

Jensen slid his fingers out of Jared, bent down and pressed a kiss to his spine before slicking his cock with lube. He lined himself up, spread Jared's ass open and pressed himself inside with a loud groan. "So good, Jay. God, so good."

Jared bit down hard on his lower lip to prevent a noise that would have woken the dead. He reached back to stroke Jensen's side, before falling back. "Take me."

"Yes? You want me to take you? Tell me how, Jay" Jensen said, nibbling down Jared's shoulder.

Jared whined and pressed back into Jensen. "Please, Jen, don't make me wait."

Jensen chuckled, pulling his hips back and then thrust forward again, fast and hard. He knew exactly how Jared liked it best, so Jensen gave him what he wanted but thrusting in and out of his body, his hands clamped on Jared's body.

Jared met him with every thrust, rattling and shaking their fortunately sturdy bed. He tossed his head back, mouth open and eyes closed in passion. 

"So gorgeous," Jensen said, groaning and grabbing Jared's hips tight. He slammed in and out of Jared's body, trying to angle his lover so that he could stroke over Jared's sweet spot on each stroke.

Jared's body soared as Jensen took him as fast and furious as possible. He loved that Jensen did not mind touching the damaged parts, the twisted burn scars that no longer felt the touch of Jensen's hands. His cock hit his stomach with each thrust, splashing him with gushes of pre-come.

Jensen grunted when Jared thrust back, fingers stroking over the front of Jared's hip. He stroked in and out, over and over again. When Jared was truly on edge, Jensen curled his hand around Jared's cock and started to stroke him off as well.

Jared lasted three strokes and came with a soundless cry, strangling himself trying not to make noise. His cock spurted all over his belly and Jensen's fist, as wet and messy as any young teenager.

The way that Jared clenched around Jensen made him cry out and come into Jared's body. He dropped his head back, thrusting himself into Jared through both of their orgasms.

Jared waited until he felt Jensen stutter to a finish and then let himself crash into the mattress. He panted his way through pleasant aftershocks, grateful for the weight and press of Jensen above him.

Jensen fell down on top of Jared with a soft cry, not expecting Jared to drop that quickly to the bed. He braced himself over Jared, rubbing his cheek on Jared's shoulder before pressing a kiss to the sweaty skin. "Love you."

"That was pretty explosive," Jared murmured with a goofy smile. "No slow and long for us tonight." He paused and stroked Jensen's side with an awkwardly twisted arm. "And love you, too."

Sliding to the side, Jensen curled around Jared's body. "We were setting ourselves up for an explosive dessert before Chris showed up. It's hardly surprising that we couldn't keep our hands off each other."

Jared chuckled and pressed into Jensen. "I like having him here, though. It feels like a real home even more now. With a guest."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Hosting someone makes it feel fuller...l ike we have a life outside of the facets we show in town."

Jared twined his fingers with Jensen's. "We do. I think this is where we're meant to be, Jen. Us and a few people who really know us."

"It'd be nice if more people could know, but I’m happy with our life together." Jensen kissed Jared softly. "By the way, will your sister be coming to stay for a bit?

"In a few months, I think," Jared said. "Once her term is over." He rolled to twine even closer to Jensen and kissed him. "She's graduating at the end of this year. We'll have to get her something."

Jensen wrapped Jared in close. "Of course...would it be permissible for us to see her graduate?"

"Yes. Meggie wants us there, and mom and dad are trying to understand." Jared pressed his forehead into Jensen's neck. "Even if we have to sit apart."

"I would do that if it meant we could support her," Jensen said, though he was sad that they could not be more open in the world. 

Jared yawned and sighed, "Wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. Saturday is always the worst in town."

Jensen nodded. "Yeah, but it’s a short day, and I’ll be here waiting for you," Jensen teased, burrowing in closer with a yawn of his own. 

"And making sure Chris is entertained," Jared said. He stroked down Jensen's spine with a contented sigh. "I love you so much, Jen, and this life."

"I'm glad because I love you and our life more than I thought possible." Jensen arched into Jared's touch with a sigh, his body reveling in the casual touch.

Jared pressed a kiss to Jensen's mouth. "Happy peacetime, Captain Ackles."

Jensen brushed their lips together. "Happy peacetime, my Yeoman Padalecki."


End file.
